posted June 09, 2005 08:12 PM         

This post will fail miserably...

If I'm not part of the solution...

I was sad when I sat down to type...

To share with my fellow Knowflakes the isolation I feel...

(Something ironic in that, I guess)...

Stark moments of self-conscious awareness today...

But something made me laugh; The Simpsons.

Its that easy, I guess.

Guess I'm just shallow.

Yeah, let me share that, this is healthy.

Never know whether to share this negativity or not.

Rather bottle it up, let it explode somewhere deep inside, undetected.

I know I need an outlet.

Said goodbye to drugs.

The girl is out of reach these past few days...

Somehow a journal doesnt cut it,
sick of talking to myself...

But should I take it out on you?

The Buddhists say there's enough suffering, dont add to it.

Am I adding to it?

Or just passing it around...?

Sweeping it under Your rug.

Are we in this together?

Am I here all alone?

Dont reply to this, please,
dont offer any consolation, unless you have it to give freely,
I dont want anyone to give more than they can spare.

Why am I doing this?

Am I just Self-absorbed?

Sometimes a hug feels like a slap,
a slap can feel like a hug.

Do you know what I mean?

Do I, REALLY?

posted June 10, 2005 09:54 AM         

From the well of the soul springs forth a feeling

Anchored yet fluid it moves about the churning sea heart

Brought to the fore by the rage of emotional disease

Swirling, spiraling, demanding, to be denied no longer

The enigma that swelled under the might of self-doubt

Metamorphed into something quite unexpected

In chrysalis form it was no more than a child

Now broken free of the animosity that caged it within

From the darkened realms of nightmarish visions

To the sun-kissed vista that swelled with pride

Never-ending journey to a dream held so dear

Determination rife and refusing to be quelled

Exacerbated emotions bubbling to the surface

Tears long since congealed return to life

No longer a symbol of misery and distress

But a talisman of all that was simply meant to be

Bathed in an orgy of long lost yearning

Succumbing to the inevitable without a care

Knowing at last the chains have been severed

Exulting in a warmth simply cradled by love

A smile is now visible as one of contentment

Sense of serenity for the first time in years

Acknowledging that fate has turned a card in favour

Awaiting the next step that one must surely take

Ever mindful of the reality that anchored this feeling

Bound by duty and obligation, yet love soars still

Enduring moments of anguish while daring to dream

Preparing for the day ahead when all becomes as it should

Armoured in love as the life battle arrives on the horizon

Sunrise justice illuminates the path eradicating the darkness

A child no more, this feeling slays foes and removes barriers

Clinging steadfast to the belief that love is a dream

One fulfilled when it meets with the sea heart reality

The sufferance of injustice weeps on the wind

For the souls that flowered in the wrong place and time

Searching for deliverance from the crooked hand of fate

Holding on to the dream of one day being released

Anaemic alibis were quickly rumbled

But merely served to reinforce the feeling that it was always intended

Straightjacket holds tight but its time is passing

Breath no longer laboured for destiny is yet to play her hand

Absentia absolves the feeling of despair

A kiss on the dusk as real as could be

As the world turns slowly bringing two hearts ever closer

For the same wish echoes on a star in twilight hours

Each morning the sun rises as one looks to the East

Each evening it settles as the other looks to the West

Across the void they lock in union

posted June 10, 2005 10:01 AM         

No sympathy here.

Just empathy.

You and I have a lot of the same placements... c'nest pas?

posted June 10, 2005 11:06 AM         

This demands much more than a simple punishment of thwackers ...

posted June 10, 2005 11:11 AM         

No one has that kind of power.
Only within.

So relax.
And let him vent,
and you can vent
and we will listen to you both if you so choose.

Sometimes isolated things feel overwhelmingly connected.

posted June 10, 2005 11:20 AM         

If I knew he was ok, perhaps I wouldnt worry so much.

posted June 11, 2005 05:53 PM         

pixie,

I want to say something but I dont know what to say right now. A lot is going on, nothing is going on. Suffice it to say that I'm very touched by your remarks. For whatever reason, you (or the evolving impression I have of you), mean something to me, and your opinion of me has a pronounced influence on my self-image. Though you are considerate enough not to say so, I often imagine that I appear ridiculous (or worse) to you, as I often appear rididulous to myself, and I think, in consideration of the similarities we do share, you must see me much as I see myself at those moments. (for instance, right now, i'm expressing myself ridiculously - but, despite my awareness of it, I am determined not to revise my words, i would rather appear ridiculous, or, perhaps, i fear that no amount of revision would help)

A-n-y-w-a-y...

I thank you.

Though we come from different worlds,
it would appear we are similar in some very honest ways. And some part of me does feel very close to some part of you.

(You know what I mean. Such a dirty mind, pix!)

posted June 11, 2005 11:05 PM         

I just find myself thinking...
RELAX!!!
Let it happen! Stop perceiving this as the end of the world... But from the outside It looks diffrent... mayb it does feel like that. Some relationships are intense, and it sounds like this one is.
With intensity, and anything strong, comes uncertainty on a deeper level.

posted June 12, 2005 12:07 AM         

leoelf -