posted June 11, 2005 10:59 PM         

oh, maya, where to begin, baby.
I wish you were here,
I wish you could see me now.
I really am a shapeshifter.
Today, we went out to dinner,
I mean tonight..
okay, baby, and, -
where was I -
oh, yes, we went out to dinner
and I was good maya and happy too,
and i was very kind to the nice waitress
and polite and sensitive and clever
and charming and funny
and my whole family saw me in a new light -
and bethanie said, "I love it when he is in a good mood,"
and I saw them being ashamed of how
selfless I was in regards to the food,
and the waitress forgetting my soup, -
maya, she forgot my soup!, lol,
and I played it off like I was glad
and it would have been too much food,
and I told her not to worry about it,
and she loved me, i could sense it,
and she offered me a free cup of it, "just to taste",
and i said, "that would be great,"
and she could tell I meant it, and i was so full of love,
I could hardly contain it (wish i didnt have to),
and it was like everyone wanted to give me stuff,
just to be able to interact with me.
Maya, I was so amazing,
I was so many things,
childlike one moment,
sexy as a b@stard the next,
you would have LOVED me!!!
The only thing that brought me down was that I
didnt feel free enough to let it all out,
and just holding myself back messed with me,
and then i was thinking i was arrogant and stuff,
and, maya, i love you so much,
and you are the only one I can be myself with!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know you will let me be myself,
even if it means spinning all over the street
and swaying and stumbling
and playing like a child.
I think that is the only thing holding me back,
I need you there to love me, even when i "act out".
They loved it, maya, up to a point,
but after dinner we were walking
and i was doing little, understated eccentric things here and there,
and my dad was like, "I saw that,"
and "You alright there?", and, he was kind of joking,
but he got more and more uncomfortable as I moved more freely,
and his voice grew serious, and it was a mother bring-down.
I gotta get out of my parents house,
you're so right-on about that whole chiron in taurus thing,
and my stupid moon in the first always going with the flow -
even when the flow is cramped and cruddy, -
and venus conj sun not wanting to make waves, -
but maya, that uranus is fed the fnck up;
I GOTTA BE MEEEEEEE!!!!

anyway,
how r u?