posted June 29, 2005 12:00 AM         

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all
these wonderful animals, as well as that silly snake, but I'm just not
happy."

"And why is that, Eve ?"

"Lord, I'm lonely, and sick to death of apples."

"Well, in that case," said the Lord, "I have a solution. I shall
create "Man' for you."

"Man? what is that Lord?" replies Eve.

"A flawed creature with many bad traits and habits. He'll lie, cheat
and be vain. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he will be
bigger, faster and stronger than you and will like to hunt and kill
things, so
that you can eat other things than just apples. I'll even create him,"
continued the Lord, warming to the subject,"in such a way that he will
satisfy your physical needs. However he will be basically witless and
will revel in childish things like fighting and chasing and kicking
little balls around. He won't be anywhere near as smart as you, and so
will need your advice to think properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, "but what's
the catch, Lord ?"

"Well....you can have him on one condition."

"And what's that Lord?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, vain and egotistical... so you'll have to
let him believe that I made him first. And this will have to be our,
own, individual little secret...

" You know, woman to woman."

posted June 29, 2005 02:14 AM         

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how
is everything going?" inquired God.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets
are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I
have just one problem. It is these breasts you have given me. The middle
one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my
arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They are a
real pain," reported Eve.

Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in
pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc...she felt that having only
two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced," as she
put it.

"That is a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this,
you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed
only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right
away."

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the
bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.
"Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight on your part. You
see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has
her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How
could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately
create a man from a part of you...Now let's see... where did I put that
useless boob?"


Now doesn't THAT make more sense than that crap about the rib?

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