posted July 22, 2005 06:46 PM         

My very lovely girlfriend of 10 years is having her 21st birthday party tonight, and when I called her the other day to r.s.v.p. she asked me if my partner was coming, I said yes, and was curious as to why she asked.
She then proceeded to tell me that he's not welcome purely because she doesn't like him, and he can't come anyway because he hasn't been catered for.

I was geniunely shocked and stunned by this because I never realized that she didn't like him, and I thought there had to be a good reason for this and I begged her to be honest with me, but all she said is that he's annoying.
I was hurt, and dumbfounded, but replied in a very nice way saying that I will still come because she is very special to me as I have been going to her parties since she was 12!

I mentioned this to my partner, Darren and he said that he is shocked too. We have been together for 5 years!
He then said if his friend invited him to a party and excluded me, he wouldn't go because I come first.
So, now I told him I wont go, because I do want to be loyal to him, and I must respect my own integrity too.

I have to call my friend today, and I am leaning toward the choice to say to her that I wont be able to come, and that's that.

Is it an unfair request she has made? Or does she have that right because it's her party and I should just respect that?

But the man I love does come first, and I don't want to exclude him, or hurt him, so the right thing to do is to stand by his side, right?

And should I just be honest with my friend and give her these reasons for not attending?
I have never seen her be so blunt, and rude in my entire life!

posted July 22, 2005 07:07 PM         

I resonate with Darren on a very deep and powerful level, which blinded me to the fact that my friends don't resonate with him at all.

Basically my friends are into shopping, TV, make up, parties and nothing else, that's all they talk about, and that's what they do.
Darren on the other hand, rejects those things, and enjoys talking about worldy matters, spiritual things, and intellectually stimulating subjects.
And so do I, and my friends think he's wierd I suppose.

I am friends with my friends because I enjoy their friendship, even though they don't take an interest in what I like.
I don't talk about the things I find interesting when they're around because they 'don't get it'...and I accept that.

Anyway, I just have been thinking about the reasons why my friend doesn't like Darren, and its' a matter of maturity, experience, and wisdom.

Which is ok, and I don't want to destroy my friendship because they wont accept Darren the way he is...
They treat him like 'cool' kids in school would treat a 'nerd', they laugh.

posted July 22, 2005 09:53 PM         

As you said, you enjoy their friendship for who and what they are, despite their differences with you. You accept them and love them not only for the sameness between you, but the differences as well. They should extend the same to you.
To treat your partner as the high school nerd, with such flagrant disrespect, is unconscionable.

You may not come through this unscathed. You are being asked to choose loyalties. It is unfair to ask that of you, and frankly, I don't think a true friend would.

You will not get out of making a choice, and this will be a forced choice made on values.

I wish you well, and I wish for you to follow your true heart to truth and insight.

posted July 22, 2005 10:01 PM         

SunChild, this is a mess. I hope that whatever decision you make, the person left out will understand your dilemma in the long run.

posted July 24, 2005 08:30 PM         

Trillian,
Your ten cents is always a blessing

I chose to confront her in a nice understanding way over the phone, (I have no idea where I got this sudden confidince from), and I was honest with her and told her exactly how I felt without projecting any ill will toward her, her reaction wasn't hostile, but she still held her ground about excluding Darren.
That also being the moment in time where I had to make the choice, I refused but wished her well.

I mean, whether she likes him, dislikes him or hates him is irrelevant, it's the fact she hasn't acknowledged the loyalty that beckons a relationship.

Thanks for your insight, very confidence building!

posted July 27, 2005 08:53 PM         

SunChild~ I totally agree with everything Trill said. My first reaction was, "OMG! How rude! She didn't have to tell SC she thinks he's annoying. What a **BLEEP**!"