posted July 30, 2005 12:39 PM
The following extracts come in response to an advert in a South African
woman's magazine called Femina. All of the extracts are from people
who's first (or even second) language is NOT English! and who live, to
put it politely, a very rural existence.Back in 1985, SA Femina Magazine ran an advertisement for Nelex, a
medicine for the treatment of a vaginal infection known as vaginitis.
The ad prompted hundreds of letters from sufferers countrywide, most of them
women who were clearly unsure as to what exactly was wrong with them.
The letters were collected by Win Kuppers, boss of the advertising
agency that created the Femina ad who swears that every single one of
them is genuine, no spelling or gramma has been changed.
Herewith extracts from some of the most hilarious ......
1. My interesting language is English, so you better send me an English
copy of your vaginitis...... 2. Please send me the following symptoms :
itching, discharge, unpleasant smell..... 3. I am one of those with a
virginal problem..... I will be very grateful if my disease were
acceptable........ 4. Dear Sirs, greetings as patient to you, but I
have not got enough time to express my sickness over this paper. I want
to come by myself to confess my sickness to you after I use this
Nelex....... 5. The trouble is my vaginitis and that I'm so ugly.....
6. How can I get vaginal infection? Most chemists cannot help..... 7.
Is vaginitis normal, or does it occur by mistakes like having sex....
8. My husband is not happy with the behavior of my vagina at bed
time.... 9. Please send me more information about these vaginal
erections.... 10. My symptoms are some of the ones you didn't mention,
so please send me another medicine... 11. Every boyfriend left me and
made another girl pregnant, so maybe you can help me.... 12. With modern
life of anonymous infection, I have found your vaginal infection very
handy and unavoidable... 13. I tried Dettol, Omo (washing powder) and
also pure brandy. All in vain..... 14. My problem is itching, burning
pain after intercourse when the weather is cold or foggy 15. I am a
young lady of 1963. Will you please send me more news about my virginia
pains during intercourse, even when I'm not having intercourse at
all.... 16. I use to have sex eight to ten times a day. Now I am very
dry. I went to the hospital and thay told me I have too much sex. Maybe
I should move to Durban for the humidity..... 17. I am a girl of 21
years of edge. Can you help me with virginial infractions.. 18. Last
night the virginial infections suddenly attacked me. What do you want me
to do... 19. Please send me Nelex. I am so sick I will even pay for
it.... 20. My virginia is wide open, but I only slept with my husband
alone, but he says I am a ***** I slept with many men. Can you close my
virginia for me.... 21. I really want a baby, but I don't want to be
pregnant.... 22. The first time I noticed vaginal infection was in your
advert..... 23. My vargin is beginning to irritate me. I scream at it
sometimes but it doesn't help.... 24. Sometimes my anus produces an
unpleasant smell..... 25. Please send my letter back so I can remember
what I have written...... 26. Please advertise more so that I can
remember that I have an infection..... 27. I stopped to have sexual
intercourse with my husband, but he hasn't stopped with me..... 28. My
problem is I feel itching even when my husband romances me with his
erection... 29. I never told anyone about my symptoms, now I see them
publicly advertised..... 30. I am 42 years old, but the infections
started when I was much older.... 31. .... and please reply as soon as
it is convenient for me. 32. I have pain during sex, and also during
intercourse.... 33. My virgin is badly leaking. Does Nelex work like a
cork..... 34. When I was 13 I spray my vagina with Airoma
room-freshener. Now I am 18 and I need your help..... 35. Please send
any good and large information to my suffering vagina..... 36. According
to symptoms advertised, I have discovered four of them in my Promised
One. She urges me so help me to help her. 37. My new address is (address
supplied).. ........but please send your reply to my old address 38. Can
I get vaginal infection without prescription...... 39. Nelex the
effective treatment, is it also effective in Zimbabwe.... 40. My husband
does not know where I live, so we never have sex..... 41. I have never
had sex, but I have this virginity problem....... 42. The bath water
must have infected me, although I swear nobody bathed after me in the
same water..... 43. I have reorganised my virginia recently ....... 44.
It is easy to know when I have vaginitis, but how do I know when I do
not have vaginitis..... 45. How are you at that side of Randburg? I hail
to you with my wife's vaginal infection from Zimbabwe..... 46. ....but I
know that some people order the thing without knowing them of seeing in
other words they order them for nothing without using them..... 47. I am
20 years old and will be 21 sooner than expected........ 48. I cannot
tell my mother about it; she has no vagina..... 49. The last time I
looked for my vaginitis, I could not find it anywhere.... 50. My vagina
was discharged recently.......... 51. My vagina is deceased...... 52. I
am a doll of 19 and I want to introduce my itchy vagina to you.... 53. I
hope you are in a favourable condition for my vaginitis...... 54. I have
this virginity disease. I hope my letter arrives at tea time so you can
study it better..... 55. I don't know if the smell really comes from my
vagina. My nose cannot reach it properly...... 56. ....but I promise, my
body also has some healthy parts..... 57. How are you sir? I am very
well, but I am also a very sick girl..... 58. Thank you for telling us
how to avoid burning and itching virgins...... 59. I live very far away,
and therefore wander if my letter will reach you.... 60. I am not an
ignorant girl, but how can I be sure...... 61. Please rescue my vaginal
cavity from attack, Sir , and send me this infection quickly... 62. This
Nelex it can help me. I will call my first son Nelex...... 63. Also my
eyes and kids are very itchy. I better stop looking at them.... 64. I
air my vagina three times a day, much to my husband's regret.... 65. At
today's price of water, I'd rather use Nelex.... 66. I have five of the
four symptoms you mentioned..... 67. You will find the vaginal
infections at the above address.... 68. Please send me everything. The
Nelex, the vaginal infections, the vaginitis, the reliable relief from
symptoms.....
Lindaland
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posted July 30, 2005 12:39 PM
posted July 30, 2005 01:15 PM
