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Author
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Topic: How do you deal with insulters/invalidators?
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teaselbaby
Knowflake Posts: 1337
From: Northeast Ohio
Registered: Sep 2002
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posted August 13, 2005 09:52 PM
 
quote:
I really do admire people who can handle confrontation in a civil way without it burning you up inside. Even if I know the insult is not the truth...it's their intentions that get me fired up.
Same here ~ the more surprised I am about something, the more likely there will be a quick retort from me (sometimes polite, sometimes not). IP: Logged |
Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake Posts: 7178
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted August 14, 2005 05:59 AM
I'm usually too stunned and hurt to say anything.As for the bible, I think you'll find a lot of God's wisdom mixed in with a lot of man's folly. As I see it, The New Testament Law of Grace is intended to supplant the Law of Moses, which it clearly contradicts. There is really no reconciling "an eye for an eye" with "turn the other cheek". Christ says that his own revelation is just a "fulfilling" of the old law, which, I suppose, is a safe enough way to explain it, if your goal is not to be crucified before you finish your first sermon. Matthew 5: 17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil. 38 Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: 39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.
44 ... Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Romans 12: 17 Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.
18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.
I guess you could say,
'I'm sorry you feel that way,'.
The important thing is not to increase the negativity which has already been spread by reflecting it right back, or, if you already have done that, by punishing yourself for having done so. Be civil, "as much as lieth in you", and when you are alone, tell God of the pain it caused you, and ask for his healing. If you are harboring an unforgiving spirit, confess it to Him. Do not hold on to it, for that is as bad as reflecting it right back at another, and what we hold on to, we end up taking out on ourselves and everyone else in our life. Dis-ease in the spirit soon becomes disease in the body. The bible says, "first go and be reconciled to your brother" before you offer your prayer. "Forgive and you will be forgiven." Therefore, confess it. Pray to be released of it. Then pray for the person who insulted you. When you have done this, forget about it, and trust that God is removing that unforgiving spirt from your heart. (Note: This advice is taylored to fit a Christian. It may not be suitable for everyone.) peace, love, empathy,
HSC IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 11943
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005
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posted August 14, 2005 01:00 PM
That's good stuff. The "Vengeance is mine," part is, in essence, the same theory as Karma. I believe very strongly in that.IP: Logged |
Mystic Gemini
Knowflake Posts: 1973
From: New York City
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted August 15, 2005 09:27 AM
I lash out with curses within a second. I am very defensive. Always have been and always will be.
------------------
Gemini sun, Cancer rising, mercury in Gemini, moon in Taurus, venus in Taurus, mars in Libra "You must live in the infinite blackness that exists when I close my eyes. I see you when I fall asleep, I see you when I dream." - Talib Kweli IP: Logged |
BlueRoamer
Knowflake Posts: 3944
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003
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posted August 16, 2005 12:06 AM
I've come to the conclusion that turning the other cheek and pitying the offender is usually the best. That should be the default action. It's simply the most human thing to do.Responding back with insults is very primitive, its something any animal on this earth would do. We have the power of choice which sets us apart, and if we choose to act like an animal, we are worse than one, for we have the power of choice and they do not. IP: Logged |
Solane Star
Knowflake Posts: 5378
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted August 16, 2005 09:01 AM
BlueRoamer!!!
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Lauren
Knowflake Posts: 1158
From:
Registered: Aug 2005
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posted August 16, 2005 12:29 PM
quote:
Responding back with insults is very primitive, its something any animal on this earth would do. We have the power of choice which sets us apart, and if we choose to act like an animal, we are worse than one, for we have the power of choice and they do not.
You know you're so much nicer and different to the way I thought you were when you first joined.. I really like what you said
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Mystic Gemini
Knowflake Posts: 1973
From: New York City
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted August 16, 2005 01:24 PM
Why is it that people feel an animal is a negative thing?Animals are part of nature people. Just like we are. IP: Logged |
BlueRoamer
Knowflake Posts: 3944
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003
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posted August 16, 2005 04:50 PM
That's a good point Mystic, we are animals, and a lot of people forget that, but it's the animal nature of humans that's reponsible for most of the greed, suffering, hate, rapes, wars, and murders that go on in the world.Some would argue with me and say that we don't have choice, but it is my belief that somewhere along the way humans evolved an intelligence that is well beyond any other creature on this earth (at least SOME humans LOL), and this intelligence gives us the power of free will. Free will allows us to make moral and even divine choices. It is free will that brings us closer to god. If every person on this earth could elevate themselves to a point where they always tap their higher being, and think and act from a place of utter compassion, which IS possible, our animal natures could be overcome and the world would be a much better place. I think humanity is on this path of evolution right now, that slowly over time, compassion and higher reason will prevail on this planet. IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted August 16, 2005 06:27 PM
Blue RoamerIt is so nice to read the words of a true intellectual, who has a lovely way of delivering an extremely simple yet powerful message. I always enjoy what you have to say, I love your sincerity and humour. Ive always felt you held great wisdom, an old soul if ever there was one ! I have no longer a space in my life for aggressive people whether it be here or home. I wont tolerate this. My own father used to be at times verbally aggressive to me and there reached a point where I told him to stop..........he now treats me with the respect I deserve. In fact he cant do enough for me, God bless him. Not meaning to hurt or offend, but anyone who just lashes out without thinking, in my book needs to look at themselves and consider how others feel. Its a basic part of being human to me, to show kindness and yes BR it is indeed a wonderful thing to turn the other cheek, If one needs to challenge, at least do it in a refined and eloquent manner, after all we are supposed to be evolving albeit gradually. I decided a long long time ago anyone that treated me with unkindness or abuse, was out of my life, and that includes here as well as
in my other life........I hope others will join me. Love to all Sue xxxx  IP: Logged |
BlueRoamer
Knowflake Posts: 3944
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003
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posted August 16, 2005 09:11 PM
" have no longer a space in my life for aggressive people whether it be here or home. I wont tolerate this. My own father used to be at times verbally aggressive to me and there reached a point where I told him to stop..........he now treats me with the respect I deserve. In fact he cant do enough for me, God bless him."I'm glad to hear this Sue, it sounds like you've reached a healthy balance with your father, which is always a great bolster to personal happiness. IP: Logged |
Solane Star
Knowflake Posts: 5378
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted August 16, 2005 10:26 PM
Can't say it better sue g then you did. I feel the same way about aggressive people.On my Birthday weekend, I had to let go of a family member that was trying to dump all his sh!t on me. I let him voice his opinion and get it off his chest one last time, then asked him to leave. His last words as I was walking away were, "Well its the truth" and I turned around and said " No its your truth not mine". I'm so very glad today that he put it all out into the open, because now I know where he stands. Thats not anywhere near me. He showed and taught me so much that day and I didn't feed his bull sh!t, because I know deep down that he really must be hurting inside to lash out at another like this. It took all of my heart to not lash out at him the same way that he did at me that day. I now say a prayer for him every night now so that I can heal from his blow to my heart.
I forgive him for not being the way I would have wanted him to be.
I forgive him
I release him
I set him free!!!
Solane Star 
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sweetlibra
Knowflake Posts: 1382
From:
Registered: Oct 2004
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posted August 17, 2005 02:09 AM
I respond in two ways.
If the person is a close friend/relative ,i retort back citing some of his/her weaknesses. [Yes it is downright mean, but insulting someone is equally mean  ]If it is an acquaintance, i just keep quiet, while planning to prove him/her wrong by my deeds. So far insults from strangers were a boon in disguise  IP: Logged |
peajie
Knowflake Posts: 246
From: Australia
Registered: Aug 2005
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posted August 17, 2005 02:26 AM
There is an old adage "2 wrongs do not make a right". And we should also remember "we are what we chose to be". I may have a body which functions like an animal's but THAT is not me. I am the spiritual being who temporarily lives inside it. And as such I am aware that everything external is only my own PERCEPTION. So I can choose to play the game and thump somebody if they are annoying me, or I can kiss them for displaying an interest in me, even if a negative one. IP: Logged |
lalalinda
Moderator Posts: 3291
From: nevada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted August 17, 2005 02:43 AM
right on and
Welcome peajieIP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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