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Author
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Topic: How do you deal with insulters/invalidators?
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BlueRoamer
Knowflake Posts: 3944
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003
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posted August 12, 2005 05:38 AM
 
Kind of an interesting philosophical question that I'd like some input on. What do you do when someone insults you/cuts you down? I guess it depends on whether they did it on purpose or not, but sometimes it's difficult to tell.The bible speaks of turning the other cheek in the new testament, but also of "eye for an eye" in the old. An old jewish expression claims that "to accept insult is to invite injury." So it's kind of a toss up here. A lot of the time when i get insulted I'm so surprised by the serendipity of it that I just sit there, then think of a comeback a day later....not very effective. How do you deal with insults? What's the best most evolved thing to do? IP: Logged |
Bluemoon
Knowflake Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005
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posted August 12, 2005 07:52 AM
Well the knee jerk reaction is to say F-U! But sometimes, on those lovely occasions when I am ready, I can think of some very bitting retorts. When I was 16 I was caring for my sisters baby, I use to regularly go to a local convenience store. I went in there one day with the baby to the usual snotty clerk and she asked "how old is your baby?" I replied "she is 6 months old, and I don't know who the hell her father is"a She had a lovely gaping look on her face. Sh IP: Logged |
nevill3
Knowflake Posts: 140
From: U.K.
Registered: Jan 2005
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posted August 12, 2005 07:58 AM
I found a unique phrase I heard someone use and have tried myself :-"I am sorry you feel that way. I am sure a lot of people do too......." I don't know where I heard it but I have never had a response back after saying it IP: Logged |
SunChild
Moderator Posts: 4032
From: Australia
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted August 12, 2005 08:33 AM
I'm not a revenge seeking person to dish out what I have been given. I'll speak up though, but with a different tune because I would NEVER let someone elses opinion of me affect the inner-me as I am very intouch with myself and know myself well enough not to be vicitmized by someone. I can be hurt easily if the insult reflects something I am passionate about. But I always overcome that sort of thing by being honest with myself.
My intellectual nature will hold up a strong mask of bravery to confront a situation because I always believe that I have the brains to do so. If something is up for debate then I am more than willing to hold up my integrity. I listen to my higher self at times like that. I can be quite logical at times and see through another's ego, and immaturity. I would never insult back or seek revenge. I always try to be wise, and diplomatic, even when I'm really hurt. I have a cancer moon and so insults can really create deep wounds, but I am also a true leo, brave and strong.
But I think I really project more of my gemini (rising) nature when I am in the moment of confrontation. Which I am SOO grateful for! 
------------------
"...and dreams, don't ever forget, are the first step in manifesting wishes into reality"
-Linda Goodman
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thirteen
Knowflake Posts: 1107
From: Rochester Hills, MI USA
Registered: May 2004
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posted August 12, 2005 09:23 AM
nevill3, i like that statement. It totally throws off the attacker. It is a non-defensive response and i think those are the best. If you become defensive by using the FU type comeback you make it seem to the other person that you are guilty of the accusation. Otherwise, why would you have the need to defend. IP: Logged |
leoelf
Knowflake Posts: 574
From: In My Head
Registered: May 2005
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posted August 12, 2005 09:46 AM
The most evolved thing would be to ignore it and not give the person any glory, it pleases them to know you're upset. SUNCHILD! You're a Leo sun Cancer Moon Gemini rising??????????????????? I am too!! IP: Logged |
Bluemoon
Knowflake Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005
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posted August 12, 2005 09:51 AM
Like I said, I did that 30 years ago. I am a bit less like to react that way now. I am a moonchild so I do spend alot of time carefully protecting myself.  IP: Logged |
WaterNymph
Knowflake Posts: 2276
From: London, UK
Registered: May 2005
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posted August 12, 2005 11:03 AM
You know I have never been insulted since I was a kid. Except by drunks  “What do you do when someone insults you/cuts you down?” It depends…there are so many exceptions. 1. Is the insult the truth or a lie?
2. In what way did they say it?
3. Is this person close to you, someone you know or a complete stranger?
4. How many people were around? And did you know any of them?
5. Was the insult about something sensitive to you? If so, did they know this? Sorry, I know  @ myself - but there are always exceptions. “What's the best most evolved thing to do?” I guess it would be to accept there are people like this in the world and move on. Don’t let it bring you down. What they’re giving out is a reflection of what’s inside…so show them some sympathy - they’re probably very unhappy. ------------------
aka Neptune’s Mermaid, NM, WN, Nurse Neptune, Waternixie, Nepsnympe and deputy #6 “If you see me with a man understand that you can’t question me
The feelings that you caught ain’t my fault can’t help your jealousy”
- Xtina IP: Logged |
LibraSparkle
Knowflake Posts: 6034
From: Vancouver USA
Registered: May 2004
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posted August 12, 2005 11:16 AM
I like quick comebacks.I don't believe in turn the other cheek. I believe turnabout is fair play. IP: Logged |
Saturn's Child
Knowflake Posts: 867
From: Just left of center
Registered: May 2004
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posted August 12, 2005 11:58 AM
I think that if someone insults you it is important to address it, right away. I ask them what they meant by the comment, if they are serious or joking, etc. I want to know the intention. Then I tell them how I feel about it. Like it or not. I figure if they can insult me, I have the right to tell them how I feel about it. If they say they were joking, I tell them it was a bad joke and I don't appreciate the humor. Being upfront and immediate saves oneself from going away from the situation with the insult in one's gut...eating away.IP: Logged |
lovely*
Knowflake Posts: 2141
From: CA
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted August 12, 2005 02:41 PM
If I realize it's an insult, I immediately confront them. Look them in the eye and say.."why would you just say something like that" or "what did you mean by that"? which is a psychic fck-U. If you don't confront people, you put out the energy that it's ok to belittle you. If you confront them, it's not likely to be repeated. By them or anyone else. People turn sheepish when you confront them face to face or get defensive and try to back-peddle which is transparent and WEAK. But that being said.. quote:
A lot of the time when i get insulted I'm so surprised by the serendipity of it that I just sit there, then think of a comeback a day later....not very effective.
This resonates with me at times too. Especially if I don't know I'm being insulted until a day later. It's my analytical nature. I think about sh!t too much. IP: Logged |
Philbird
Knowflake Posts: 3396
From: Here, there and everywhere.
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted August 12, 2005 08:51 PM
LMAO Bluemoon! LMAO!!!!I have to be honest here, I've never been insulted as an adult. I don't attract it I guess. Either that or people think I'm ssssssllllloooooowwwwwww and leave me alone. Hmmmm, that might actually be it... IP: Logged |
Solane Star
Knowflake Posts: 5378
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted August 12, 2005 10:36 PM
Love the topic!!! I don't have to fight for my right, to just be me anymore. I say everyone has an opinion and changes are that its different then mine.
I don't always like what has to be said, but there is always someones truth in the whole matter and sometimes we see this truth from deep within. This could just be a test to see how much you believe in yourself, to know with confidents in ones own believes of s-elf, that you know different and better for yours-elf.
Thats just one opinion, amoungst how many, Right???
Loving Mys-elf Today, Not Like Yesterday!!!
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Solane Star
Knowflake Posts: 5378
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted August 12, 2005 10:38 PM
Maybe time for the other to look in the mirror!!!
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Solane Star
Knowflake Posts: 5378
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted August 12, 2005 10:52 PM
SunChild,
Love your way, of seeing yours-elf!!!
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Solane Star
Knowflake Posts: 5378
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted August 12, 2005 10:54 PM
I say, next time, "OKAY DUDE"  IP: Logged |
Aphrodite
Knowflake Posts: 4992
From:
Registered: Feb 2002
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posted August 13, 2005 12:11 AM
I like what you said, Solane Star.IP: Logged |
SunChild
Moderator Posts: 4032
From: Australia
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted August 13, 2005 12:36 AM
Solane  . Thankyou.LeoElf---I sure do!!! Wow, I knew you had a cancer moon and leo sun, but gemini rising TOO? wow!
First time I met someone I know with those same placements!
I would love to see your chart one day.
It's funny though we never really chat alot here, but I knew there was a reason why I think you're pretty cool!
 ------------------
"...and dreams, don't ever forget, are the first step in manifesting wishes into reality"
-Linda Goodman IP: Logged |
leoelf
Knowflake Posts: 574
From: In My Head
Registered: May 2005
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posted August 13, 2005 01:19 PM
So uncanny! I've never met anyone with the same major placements either!
LoL wow, now I will be paying close attention to your posts to look for similarities  Do you have a bad temper?
Do you enjoy writing? Do you daydream alot?
Do other people see you as a mystery?LoL sorry about all the questions! Would love to see your chart too one day  Philbirdy,
LoL people haven't insulted me either in my adult life (well, I'm freshly adult LoL)only here and my old job (crappy coworkers)
THANK HEAVENS I don't need to deal with that anymore! My temper is horrible! IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted August 13, 2005 02:16 PM
Yeah AG, start with the reasonable stuff, like Saturn suggested - "why are you treating me like this etc etc etc" and then if all fails and they persist on being egotistical and aggressive tell them to "SHAG OFF" and then walk away.........and you will feel all the better for that friend LOL........as if anyone would be insulting to you anyway, unless of course they are completely juvenile/stupid or psychotic somehow.......mmmm..........Love to you music man Sue xxx IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted August 13, 2005 02:18 PM
Oooohh BR I got your initials wrong..........sorry the other guy must have been on my mind......and do you play music, maybe you should!!!!Love to you wise man
Sue xxx
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lalalinda
Moderator Posts: 3291
From: nevada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted August 13, 2005 03:47 PM
I love Jewish People, Jewish Culture ect. but...Considering that Jesus was Jewish and it was the Jewish elders/Rabbis that got the mob/riot going when Pontius Pilate (who himself could find nothing wrong with and whos wife admired Jesus) asked the people to choose between Jesus and Barrabas. I'm sorry but that was jealousy. They (elders/Rabbis) are the ones that said Jesus was a false prophet. THAT was the beginning of all the bad luck, persecusion and predjudices that has plagued the Jewish people since that time. Yes the Bible is contradictory and it was written by man. Its outdated and if we followed it to the T we would be living our lives with rules that are similar to the holy book that American/Freedom haters are using. Beheadings, treating their females like second class citizens (that includes mothers), suicide bombers commiting mortal sin and killing innocents etc. are all beyond me and not a solution. Its ok to be spiritual instead of religious, its not our job to exact Karma or even things out in this lifetime. That belongs to God. Turn the other cheek have a little faith and keep your soul sterling.  Be the better man! P.S I do believe in self defence and if physically attacked, well thats a different story. IP: Logged |
leoelf
Knowflake Posts: 574
From: In My Head
Registered: May 2005
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posted August 13, 2005 03:57 PM
I agree lalalinda!IP: Logged |
DayDreamer
Knowflake Posts: 4841
From:
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted August 13, 2005 04:58 PM
Good topic BR! I usually hold things in, first because I get shocked when people say negative things to me, and second because my immediate reaction is to hurt them back, and even worse if I could. And if I can't take it I do let out a snide comment in return, which only adds fuel to the fire. I really do admire people who can handle confrontation in a civil way without it burning you up inside. Even if I know the insult is not the truth...it's their intentions that get me fired up. What does work for me personally and stops me from getting all fired up is remembering God does have the final say, and is the ultimate judge. However, like lalalinda said, if someone is attacking you or your loved ones physically or destroying your home, I believe you have to fight back and deal with them to protect and defend yourself. With regards to religion, I think it is okay to be religious. Religion has gotten a bad name both by atheists and by fundementalists, and of course by different religions take stabs at each other. If we could all just get along and remember our commonalities. Personally, spirituality itself is not defined enough for me IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 11943
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005
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posted August 13, 2005 09:35 PM
When someone insults me and I choose to take it seriously...as if what they are saying might be viable I generally lay out exactly what I've done, or exactly who I am and leave it at that. Between a Cancer male and myself in one instance I'm thinking of, he did it just because he knew it would get under my skin, so I stopped letting it get to me. It was sort of a competitive thing between him and I. I often think of integrity when I think of receiving insults, though. If you know yourself well enough to know whether or not an insult can be considered true then it doesn't really matter what your response is. Either it's something you're conscious of (and working on on some level), or it's just false. If you respect the person enough to try to change their mind, go for it. Otherwise, let them think their silly thoughts. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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