Author
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Topic: ranting advice thread
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dorkus_malorkus Knowflake Posts: 1061 From: Hopelessly lost........ Registered: Jun 2003
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posted November 20, 2005 09:41 PM
My life has been crazy to say the least. Especially since my mom kicked me out at 17 (day after I graduated hs)for no apparent reason. She's mentally ill, so it's just been me practically raising my self since I was little. I'm 19 now and living with stepdad. I left all my friends (my boyfriend and best friend of 5 years) to come out here and try and make some money. I have a problem with getting too attached to people and miss them severely. Especially after a very emotional goodbye with my best friend who is like a sister to me. I would be devestated (for lack of a better word) to lose her as a friend. I am so afraid of losing friends because it takes awhile for me to really connect with some people and there are few people that really understand me and take the time to listen. I feel so alone here, even though I've met some really nice people at work. I'm probably one of the most loyal people you would ever want to meet. I just spoke with my bf and he and my best friend don't really get along. My friend is very protective of me and has a bad feeling about him (and vice versa), but I think I've fallen in love with him. I don't want to lose either of them. My bf wants to get a place here in Reno because I don't really want to move back home where there are very few jobs. I also really enjoyed living with my best friend because she is the easiest person for me to get along with and I can talk to her about things I can't with my bf. She talked briefly about getting a place with me again, and I am so afraid I will never see her again . She has helped me become a better person and I love her to death. I wish I could see them because I think about them everyday. I guess I am so afraid of change. I've moved around a lot and lost a lot of friends. This manifested into severe depression and I had to take meds. What scares me is that I have feelings for my friend (not so much romantic or sexual) but I can't imagine life without her and I hate not being able to see her. I don't think she could ever understand this. Even though I love my bf, I'm afraid of commitment and he is talking about starting a life together when we're only 19/20. I am excited about being on my own again, and we do have fun together but we have very different personalities. He is very serious (the whole moon in cap thing) and I am easygoing/laidback go with the flow type person. I think life is about having fun and laughing (that's how I deal with my depression/stess/anxiety.) He tells me I never take anything seriously (a lot of people tell me that.) I know when to be serious when I have to be, but I hate it - it's not natural to me. We have problems communicating sometimes, but we never stay mad at each other. Well, I'm sorry. I didn't intend for this post to be that long and repetitive, but I just don't know what to do with my life at this point. I'm kind of scared, I guess it is a part of growing up but I hate it and it's making me ill. Any advice would be appreciated, or if anyone wants to post their problems, I will listen and try and give some advice. I apologize, I know some parts of my post are vague but I don't know how else to describe it! Well, thank you all for listening, I sincerely appreciate it! IP: Logged |
Gemini Nymph Knowflake Posts: 2216 From: Registered: Jul 2004
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posted November 21, 2005 12:35 AM
Well, some obvious advice would be don't rush into living with a boyfriend right now. Give yourself the chance to find yourself outside a committed relationship. Focus on your other present friendships while being open to new friendships and new experiences. Take this from someone who has dealt with depression all her life and remembers being 19. Too bad your bf and best friend don't get along, but hey, maybe you should be open to your friend's feelings on this. If you think you've fallen in love with this guy, you can't be very objective, and she may be seeing things that you aren't noticing. IP: Logged |
CancerianMoon Knowflake Posts: 1082 From: Sydney, Australia. Cancer Sun.....Gemini Moon.....Aqua Rising Registered: Aug 2003
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posted November 21, 2005 12:49 AM
DM..your story brought a tear to my eye..and i dont feel you were vague at all you expressed yourself completely..i have trouble doing that when such deep emotions are involved...i applaude you for that..i really feel that the strong are the ones that recieve the hard and painful lessons in life..we chose them after all! With regards to your situation...you shouldnt have to choose a girlfriend over a boyfriend or vice versa...let them both know how you feel and that you want them both in your life...they should both respect how you feel and work on thier issues with each other..You seem like a loving and caring and thoughtful person..and the people who know you well are lucky..give them the oppourtunity to be what you need..i know the feeling of being scared of loosing all you have..tell them both where you stand and let things pan out..whatever the outcome...you are strong enough...you chose these lessons..they may even suprise you! Anyways..enough of my rave...hoping things start to get a little easier for you soon..and hope to hear how your going..let us know..love and light ![](http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/heart.gif) IP: Logged |
dorkus_malorkus Knowflake Posts: 1061 From: Hopelessly lost........ Registered: Jun 2003
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posted November 21, 2005 02:53 AM
Well I spoke briefly with both of them and I think things will be alright. Initially, when I met my boyfriend, I had a bad feeling about him but he has been dedicated to me and I want to see how things work out between us before I move in with him (which won't be until sometime next year.) I also let my friend know how I feel, and she isn't upset, but she worries about me. She trusts I will follow my heart, but she has always been there for me and we've gone thru a lot together. She's kind of watched over me and has helped me thru a lot of my problems. She's seen the worst of me, but still sticks around and there hasn't been anyone in my life that has done that for me. Well, right now I am focusing on my job which I really enjoy and hopefully I will be put on full time as an amazon.com employee I'll be making good money and will finally be able to afford the things that I need. I'm just trying to have fun with my life - I'm 19 and I've got so much to live for right now. Well, I thank you for your advice, I really do appreciate it and it means a lot to me. I will keep you posted in the next few day how things are going. *hugs* ------------------ Stacey Virgo ASC, Virgo Sun, Libra Moon ~Live fast, die fun.~ IP: Logged |
cancerrg Knowflake Posts: 2668 From: Registered: Dec 2004
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posted November 21, 2005 01:00 PM
hy dorkus , well this the first time , i am posting to any of your post but well i am glad for doing that . i feel your post was a sincere one . also bcos what you are going through , i feel every one goes through that phase atleats once in life . though i dont understand virgos , i know a few but dont really know them . first thing first , i feel u could have avoided describing your mom . just an advice ..... as for losing your bf or your best friend , its a very sticky situation , the very logical answer to it would be to try to persuade your bf to understand the importance of your friend in your life . u can't do the same to your friend , u ofcourse can try but it might seem to your friend that you are supporting your bf over her . a bf-gf realtion has different dimensions than the same sex friendship. even we men feel the same when a guy who was religiously with starts sharing time with his woman , we complain too . its very normal too . the best way out is too balance both the realtions and believe its possible and much easier than what it might be sounding to u , now . try persuading them both without seeming to favour anyone of them , thats the trick . good luck. IP: Logged |
cancerrg Knowflake Posts: 2668 From: Registered: Dec 2004
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posted November 21, 2005 01:02 PM
oh well , i always thiught u were in your fourties ![](http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/wink.gif) IP: Logged |
dorkus_malorkus Knowflake Posts: 1061 From: Hopelessly lost........ Registered: Jun 2003
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posted November 21, 2005 01:35 PM
In my 40s? lol naw actually, at work the other day some people were like "we've been dying to ask how old you are!" and i was like "19" and they said "wow you look about 12!" i guess maybe it's because i am so short! well anyway thanks for the advice! and yeah i could have avoided mentioning my mom but i'm not talking to her right now because she was telling my family things about me that weren't true and i just had to ***** about it even though i love her ![](http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/smile.gif) IP: Logged |
Aphrodite Knowflake Posts: 4992 From: Registered: Feb 2002
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posted November 21, 2005 03:58 PM
Hi Stacey,Hmm, you sure sound like a Cancer Rising like me sometimes. Hehe. Just a thought. I think on the one hand, you are learning valuable life skills by taking matters into one's hands and supporting yourself. This will help out later in life when times get hard. This memory will serve as a foundation as you navigate through life's storms. Realize you are a survivor! You are resilient and hadn't let the situation harden your heart. ![](http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/heart.gif) On the other hand, feeling the emotions of the moment are hard! I think it is not a good sign that your best friend and boyfriend do not get along, and are saying negative things about each other to you. In the end, the ones who really love the yOu of yOu, will want you to grow in the way you want ~ the way that makes you shine and feel beautiful. Real love takes time and grows on its own too. I really have no advice on what to do about your friends. Just keep the previous sentences in mind. Loves ya ![](http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/heart.gif) Aphrodite IP: Logged |
Bluemoon Knowflake Posts: 4456 From: Stafford, VA USA Registered: Feb 2005
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posted November 21, 2005 07:25 PM
Stacy, you can never replace a good girl friend. Most men just are very nurturing. Trust yourself and your instincts. ![](http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/love.gif) IP: Logged |
dorkus_malorkus Knowflake Posts: 1061 From: Hopelessly lost........ Registered: Jun 2003
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posted November 21, 2005 11:50 PM
great advice guys, but things are going better for me now at this point. interesting u say that Aphrodite, i had a link on cancer rising vs my virgo rising awhile back ://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/007220.htmlagain thanks guys ![](http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/smile.gif) IP: Logged |
sweetlibra Knowflake Posts: 1382 From: Registered: Oct 2004
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posted November 22, 2005 02:32 AM
I felt ur words dorkus_malorkus ![](http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/heart.gif) Follow your heart thts all I have to say. ![](http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/heart.gif) IP: Logged |
dorkus_malorkus Knowflake Posts: 1061 From: Hopelessly lost........ Registered: Jun 2003
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posted November 22, 2005 01:22 PM
![](http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/smile.gif) IP: Logged |