|
Author
|
Topic: opinions on charts and abuse....
|
sxycrzykewl221
Knowflake Posts: 207
From: detroit, mi, usa
Registered: Oct 2005
|
posted December 08, 2005 08:47 AM
 
I was at my aunt's last night and we were talking about another family member my uncle and his grandchildren. Apparently my other aunt spanked my cousins child (her granddaughter) and my cousin got really ticked off at his mother, who told him, when they are here and they are bad, I WILL spank them. I said to my aunt who's home I was at, I never really spanked my children. Then I mentioned the fact that I used to get beat with a belt, both ends, severely. She said, I know, when you were about 3 your mother was beating you so badly I told her to quit before she killed you. I remember being abused physically alot as a child, but it really bothered me that that had happened before I even really had memory. And I was disturbed last night thinking, who could possibly have it in them to beat a 3 year old child with a belt. There is nothing that I could have done at 3 years of age to warrant it (or at any age). How is it that that was acceptable parenting? Which brings me to my question. Do you think there is something in a persons chart that would explain how some abused people grow into terrible abusers, never get over thier childhood,and remain angry haters all of thier days.. and some people look at the abuse and decide this is not how I want to live and vow never to repeat or allow this into my adult life? I remember making the decision that my home would be filled with love, and I would be on my kids side no matter what, right or worng, on thier side, with unconditional love and non-violence and they are grown now, but I know so clearly that the excuse some give to abuse and treat others persons inhumanely is the fact that they were abused themselves..or under the influence of a mind altering substance, or some other lame excuse, and can't get on with a productive life. Why is it? I actually remember the time in my life when I made the decision that I don't deserve this, no one has the right to hit me, ever, and this is not how I will live and looked for and filled my life with happiness and and love and lovely thoughts and non-violence. My mother was abused and therefore she abused me and n ow is a old lady that no one really likes and no one really wants to see, and still has nightmares about her childhood, I don't understand it, and it is sad, but why do some get over it and live productive lifes and why do some just continue the cycle of control, abuse and fostering low self esteem? in the charts? violence is something that i can not even comprehend, I just don't understand it.IP: Logged |
Devilfish
Knowflake Posts: 574
From:
Registered: Dec 2004
|
posted December 08, 2005 09:08 AM
interesting topic!
sxycrzykewl221  no three year old deserves that.
im 32 , there are many things in my childhood that to this day are hard to face but i know facing our family legacy is the key to our freedom.ive tried to strip it all away, down to the barest elements of why?it always comes back to self knowledge/self love.my abusers were hurting ......ignorantly tryin to repress pain and then exploding it when it became unbearable.
i have four kids, and i have broken my families chain by listening/and getting to know all the parts in my pysche that make me who i am.i figure the more i understand what elements i am made up of the more i become in control of them.that means acknowledging when im angry/ sad/ happy ect. and looking at why i feel angry/sad/happy ect.if i am sad or mad i try to change what i can and graciously accept what i cannot, if im happy i repeat.......lol.
the unexpected part of raising kids after abuse is learning new parenting techniques.following by example isnt an option so i had to search for new postive techniques.otherwise in unexpected moments i would became confused.........am i being too soft, am i being to hard?
i am VERY open with my kids , this helps.
if im mad i say im mad right now go to your room until i calm down, if im sad i say i feelin a lil down today so i need some quite time.if im happy i dance like a ding a ling and we all have a good laugh,lol. 
edited  :hope i didnt get too sidetracked with my responce.guess i was just relating to raisin kids differently then ones raisin.anyway my aspects relating to my family include a lot of heavy saturn /moon/pluto aspects and my fourth is ruled by aries with chiron in it. IP: Logged |
Gemini Nymph
Knowflake Posts: 2216
From:
Registered: Jul 2004
|
posted December 08, 2005 02:34 PM
Well, this is a very complex topic for starters. While I would that there's no indicator in a chart that says someone definitely will abuse or be abused, there are various indicators of vulnerability and inclination to violence in charts that often appear in the charts of the abused and their abuser. Also there are synastry aspects that can, in the right (or rather wrong) context that could indicate an abusive relationship. Scorpio, Pluto and the 8th house are often involved on the abuser side, while Pisces, Neptune and the 12th on the abused side. However, there are others, in particular ones in involving Venus or the moon, and their respective signs and houses. Nonetheless the Scorpio-Pisces dymanic is one of the most extreme in the whole zodiac, where you have volatile emotionality paired with extreme vulnerability. Other dynaminc play out with less intensity, but can to equal damage.The phenomenon of child abuse is some what a psychological conundrum, but among the coomon themes: 1- family history of abuse or violence as a means of discipline, for controlling/ keeping order, or asserting dominance (conditions and desensitizes the individual) 2- drugs and alcohol abuse 3- financial stress 4- mental illness, or other chronic illness of a family member 5- stress resulting for other socio-cultural sources As a norm domestic violence towards children or adults hinges on the abuser's pent up pyshcological frustration or anger. For whatever causes, teh abuser as failed to learn proper coping skills, lacks healthy outlets or learend as a child very vioence means of expressing such negative emoitons. Furtermore, the longer an individual goes without a proper way of coping with this frustrations, the worse the problem gets. In severe cases, teh person develops into a "habitual" abuser, where such violent emotional behjavior is deeply engrained and difficult to voerridee. However, the reason why these abuser afflict family memebers is largely due to, in short, "keeping up appearences." On a fundamental level, our pysches are wired by evolution to avoid behavior to would get us ostracized from the larger social group. Normally violence or overly aggressive behavior would. In other words, we know intuitively that it's not socially in our best interest to scream at our boss, for example, even if we want to. But the fruistration is there, and needs to be expressed in some other way. An abuser opts for expressing that emotion in violence against someone who cannot retaliate against them, or at least in their own minds. Hence why wives and children often become the victims of this transferred aggresion and anger. Moreover, because this is within the family unit, the abuser feels they can either hide their abusiveness from the larger society that would shun them. This "secrecy" is usually gotten by intimidation and threats of more violence to keep the abused under the abuser's control. So you are right in thinking that no 3 year old did anything to deserve being beaten like that. Chances are your mother was transferring pent-up aggression (apparently a lot) unto you. She may have been in a situation where she felt extremely powerless, or was being/has been abused herself. There can be *no* sane rational behind such behavior - human nature intutively informs us that such aggression against another, more vulnerable individual is very wrong, perhaps unforgiveable. Whatever makes one individual violate her or his own inborn conscience to commit such acts must be very extreme and very overwhelming. I doubt your mother felt she was right to do that to you, even if she may have said things to that affect. Unless she was just an psychotic monster, I suspect her felt horrified by her own actions and helpless to control herself. Most abusers do wrestle profoundly with their consciences, knowing what they did was wrong. Most have profound self-hatred and very low self-esteem, which unfortunately only creates more anger that they can't cope with. Understanding why an abuser abuses doesn't make what your mother did acceptable, but at least you can try to understand that your mother probably hated being a person who beat her own children, even if she never said that. IP: Logged |
sxycrzykewl221
Knowflake Posts: 207
From: detroit, mi, usa
Registered: Oct 2005
|
posted December 08, 2005 02:46 PM
I am quite sure you are right. Which is a very sad thing, because we all have to live with ourselves and the consequenes of our actions. Our own "hell" so to speak. And I know it is easier to forgive others than it can be to forgive ourselves. Interesting the chart synastry. If I knew a birthtime I would look for that corelation. Thanks.IP: Logged |
ariestiger
Knowflake Posts: 1136
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2004
|
posted December 08, 2005 02:48 PM
Well, my father (Aries)broke my nose when I was 16 and he used to beat me so severely that my legs bled, with a garden cane. My mother was also pretty peculiar at times, and there came a time when this all got to me so much that I didn't talk to them for years (I recently resumed talking to them). Since my teens I have always had a difficult relationship with my father and recently when I tried to make contact with him again by email, certain things he said wound me up so much that I literally screamed at him via email and said everything I'd ever wanted to say to him. I think that was good and it exorcised what I was feeling and I think now that I've done screaming enough. I heard later that he had really been quite upset about it. (Well, I thought, so long as it's made some sort of impact, and he doesn't think he's going to get away with things scot-free all the time!!!)My mother (Sag) also seems to have done some work on herself and we keep a healthy distance. I tell her not to expect me to phone her every week, so that this is maintained. Distance, and thrashing things out, is a good thing, but both, or all, parties, need to be in the right frame of mind for growth in relationships to occur. I never thought it would happen in my family. But perhaps it is happening. We'll see.  AT IP: Logged |
1scorp
Knowflake Posts: 2251
From:
Registered: Feb 2003
|
posted December 08, 2005 03:10 PM
 ___________________________________________
Scorpio sun, venus, mars, mercury, and uranus
Libra moon, pluto, and asc. IP: Logged |
sxycrzykewl221
Knowflake Posts: 207
From: detroit, mi, usa
Registered: Oct 2005
|
posted December 08, 2005 03:12 PM
well our relationship is pretty much severed, not because I can't get past it, but I no longer accept abuse as an "ok" way to treat me..and as an adult verbal insults and mean spirited communications are not something I choose to deal with. I have blocked email, don't take unknown calls and live 3,000 miles away. So, although physically there is no power anymore, I cut out the emotional load of "crap" too, and just don't accept it. so, while I am glad you seem to be able to build a bridge with your past aggresors, I cannot build a bridge alone, and refuse to accept verbal attacts as ok, so I cut it out of my life completely. I have an aversion to disrepsectful talk and yelling by anyone and try to remain rational at all times and respectful of others. I just always thought it odd, how some can "get over it" so to speak, and some just wallow in the pain and don't seem to be happy without it, either inflicted to them or by them. I don't know.IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
