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Author
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Topic: Ladies and Gents..
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Lauren
Knowflake Posts: 1158
From:
Registered: Aug 2005
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posted December 20, 2005 09:20 PM
 
Another thread about cheating lolI think men tend to be a lot more hurt by physical cheating and women tend to be a lot more hurt by emotional cheating. Picture this situation: Your partner gets home and tells you he/she is in love with another man/woman. Nothing has happened between them, but the truth is he/she just doesn't love you anymore.. and he/she has been trying to keep up pretences.. but they are now getting tired of it. He/She wants the relationship to be over so they can move on. Second situation: Partner gets home and tells you he/she made a massive mistake. They had sex with someone they were very attracted to and couldn't say no. It was a one time thing (not ongoing) They feel extremely bad about this and want you to forgive them because the other person is just someone they feel nothing for.. whereas you are the person they love and want to be with. I have a feeling that if women had to pick which of these situations is the *absolute worst case scenario*.. they would pick the first. If men had to pick, they would pick the second. Does that ring true for you? IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Knowflake Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted December 21, 2005 12:24 AM
I suppose it does ring true.It would depend upon my feelings toward said spouse.... understanding or anger...
Naw, It wouldn't matter, I'd 'allow' him, by not being warm and making it easy for him to leave. IP: Logged |
dorkus_malorkus
Knowflake Posts: 1061
From: Hopelessly lost........
Registered: Jun 2003
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posted December 21, 2005 12:26 AM
1st situation would definitely be worse...well for me anyways, but both painful....*ouch*IP: Logged |
hot_ice
Knowflake Posts: 1012
From:
Registered: Oct 2004
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posted December 21, 2005 12:39 AM
Both are pretty bad,But the second one would make me want to throw up....YUCK!The images of her and him would keep playing in my mind...IP: Logged |
CancerianMoon
Knowflake Posts: 1082
From: Sydney, Australia. Cancer Sun.....Gemini Moon.....Aqua Rising
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted December 21, 2005 04:01 AM
Men need to make love to feel loved...
Women need to be loved to make love...Yeh i know its a generalization..but again on a similar line..and i agree lauren..men and women have differnt attitudes on what they would be able to handle.. IP: Logged |
ariestiger
Knowflake Posts: 1136
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted December 21, 2005 04:35 AM
Both would be equally bad, for me, it would be the principle that sucked, not the intention behind it  IP: Logged |
cancerrg
Knowflake Posts: 2668
From:
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted December 21, 2005 08:45 AM
nope .i think , i would choose the first one . i can forgive anyone if they admit to it but i dont think i would be able to stand something like the first . infact, i dont like any pretences in any realtions of mine . i prefer hard hitting honesty ! IP: Logged |
PansPride
Knowflake Posts: 95
From: Southern Cincinnati
Registered: Aug 2005
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posted December 21, 2005 09:56 AM
Maybe its my Leo Ascendent Speaking but I'd have to say the first would be worse. Only because The second situation sucks, but as many times as that's happened to me (3 or 4 that i can think of) after I gave it some rational thought I just considered that if someone was going to do that to me when they said they loved me or whatever, they realy weren't worth my time. And you know us Goats we hate wasting time.I guess i follow this: Cheat on me physically I feel decived, Cheat on me Emotionally I feel betrayed, and I turn utterly hateful about it too. I'm a very jealous person though, I think it has more to do with being affraid that im not living up to how my lover sees and feels me. So emotionally for this man. IP: Logged |
Peri
Moderator Posts: 2447
From: Kyiv, Ukraine
Registered: Dec 2003
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posted December 21, 2005 10:30 AM
Well said PansPride *said my Cappy ASC  IP: Logged |
Devilfish
Knowflake Posts: 574
From:
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted December 21, 2005 12:25 PM
for me the second would be worse.
at least with the first i could still respect him.
how could one value a relationship if they threw it away for someone who didnt mean anything to them ......because really thats a statement in its self. it tells me i dont love you her or myself.im just a horny toad ruled by my body not my heart.
added:
anyone seen the movie spanglish?
it fits this thread quite well imo.
if you have:
at the end of the movie who was more respectable the wife or the husband?
IP: Logged |
nannyfish
Knowflake Posts: 242
From: England
Registered: Aug 2005
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posted December 21, 2005 02:48 PM
It's tough to believe I know, but if scenario one happened to me, I wouldn't be angry or hurt. I would be devastated that someone I loved was feeling so unloved that they needed to go somewhere else to get affection. In which case, I would try to get the loving feeling back but if not, I would gladly let my loved one go to be happy. Obviously, I couldn't provide the love they needed.As for the second scenario, I would forgive, but I would let loved one know that there will be REVENGE...just not let them know what it was going to be. If they wanted to stay together, they would just have to put up with it  *evil laughter* (heheh, I wouldn't sleep with someone else though BECAUSE that would be a betrayal and also give loved one a reason to feel better about their behaviour.) IP: Logged |
WaterNymph
Knowflake Posts: 2276
From: London, UK
Registered: May 2005
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posted December 21, 2005 07:09 PM
It depends if I’m REALLY in love - or just convinced myself that I’m in love. I can only tell the difference in difficult situations…basically when they’re beeing an A$$ lolNot in love Would be really pi**ed @ both situations. 1st situation my pride would be really hurt. I’d feel unloved and unbeautiful  2nd situation I’d feel really hurt and unloved, and also hated. I mean these things don’t just happen…this is REVENGE!!! lol he must have hatd me and wanted to get back at me : ( he also must have thought I was a joke. A little thing on the side *blubbers uncontrollably* all I would feel is hate coming from him In love I’d be waaaaaaaaaaaaay more forgiving. 1st situation I’d feel lonely, but want the best for him. I’d want him to leave and be happy. 2nd I’d forgive him. Because throughout my life I have not been an angel. Hypocrisy is not cool. Maybe it’s because I’m feeling especially fishy today…of course it could just be the vodka  I’m kidding, it’s *in silky voice* eggnog* okaaaay I’m laughing waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa too much :/ IP: Logged |
Hexxie
Knowflake Posts: 934
From: :::Libra Sun / 29* Gemini Rising / Aquarius Moon:::
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted December 21, 2005 07:36 PM
Hi Lauren ~ For me, the 2nd situation would be worse. It would be so, because you both still love each other, but, your significant other F****D up big time. That would be heart-wrenching for me to have to walk away. But walk away I certainly would, and not look back! I would not attract this type of situation to me anyways, so it's all good The 1st situation, yeah that would suck, but I realise that emotions can do change! I would want my significant other to tell me 1st before acting. I would be able to accept this and move on accordingly. I am not 'with' any person that I do not / would not want the most happiness for them. If another person made them more happy than I could, then I would know that they aren't the one for me and give them my blessing! ------------------
~Libra Sun / 29* Gemini Rising / Aquarius Moon~ IP: Logged |
Lauren
Knowflake Posts: 1158
From:
Registered: Aug 2005
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posted December 22, 2005 04:12 AM
Thank you for your replies. It's interesting to me, because I thought most guys would go for 2nd hands down.I have to say, my opinion on this is pretty strange and I hope it doesn't offend anyone. For some reason it's very hard for me to look at – sex - when it's a purely physical experience as..important or hurtful in any way. I think I have this (completely weird) idea that there isn't much difference between having sex on your own.. with some foreign object, or through porn, or even just thoughts that turn you on...and having sex with someone you feel nothing for. It still (in my mind at least) boils down to being a physical experience you’ve enjoyed that was not spiritual in any way, shape or form.. and was done purely for physical enjoyment. I can understand why anyone would be hurt if someone cheated whether physically or emotionally. I do think it's a breach of trust. But personally, if the 2nd situation happened I can't say that I would feel all that hurt. I would feel *bad* for the person.. I’d feel as though this was a big mistake karmicaly (is that even a word?), on their part.. but I wouldn’t feel hurt as such.
I wouldn't feel as though he chose her over me.. I'd just think, he was very attracted.. and made a stupid mistake. There are so many different people you could be attracted to whether you are in love with someone else or not.. it’s the unfortunate truth.. However much you love someone.. beautiful things – attractive things.. appeal to people.. and it’s human nature to be attracted. Devilfish quote:
because really thats a statement in its self. it tells me i dont love you her or myself.im just a horny toad ruled by my body not my heart.
I agree to the concept of this. I couldn’t personally have sex with someone who I felt nothing for and who feels nothing for me, for the pure pleasure of sex. I don’t think it’s a -positive- thing to do this.. Spiritually it most probably earns a lot of bad brownie points. But I can also I understand human nature..and I can understand someone making this mistake.. In some ways I think that it would be hypocritical of me to say sex with no spiritual attachment is wrong and on the other hand.. do certain things on my own. So I could be very forgiving of the person in the 2nd situation if they are truly sorry. In the 1st situation however, that would absolutely be very hurtful to me.. because that would mean there is a connection there, he is in love.. There are feelings involved and he doesn’t have feelings for me any longer.. this would totally break my heart. I hope I don’t freak anyone out with my opinions on this. I feel kinda strange typing this out. Like I said, I’m not criticising anyone who views things differently. I’m very understanding of all your points of view. I think, probably something like 99.999999% of people would feel hurt if cheated on (physically), I can sympathise with this completely and I understand that hurt.. but I honestly don’t think I would feel it myself. If I put myself in that position, obviously this is theoretically my partner.. so it’s someone I care about.. and what I would feel is just.. sorry for them –kinda like “wow u really stfed up ur karma ” - that would be my first feeling about it. IP: Logged |
Aen
Knowflake Posts: 730
From:
Registered: Nov 2002
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posted December 22, 2005 07:32 AM
Initially, the first scenario would be worse, but if the shock would wear off, I could still respect the person. Probably wouldn't feel any warmth but there would be no place to grow these ugly things like sucpicion and distrust.The second case wouldn't feel equally bad at first, but I'm not sure if there could be any trust left. Neither my Cappy Sun or Mars in Scorpio are good at forgiving disloyalty or understanding 'I couldn't help myself' expalnations. So, in the end the results are similar - I'm off the picture. ------------------
No hesitation. No regret. No looking back. IP: Logged |
The Mutable Night Force
Knowflake Posts: 1451
From: England
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted December 22, 2005 03:25 PM
First situation's worst, no doubt.
I've thought about this quite a bit before and I know I'd be far more gutted if someone I loved said they loved someone else rather than simply having sexual feelings for someone. But if they loved someone..? Oh god that would be terrible, the whole shebang... Well, I'd be gutted.Interesting topic Lauren... ------------------
I'll sail the stygian swamp to the duties of this momentry life IP: Logged |
Mystic Gemini
Knowflake Posts: 1973
From: New York City
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted December 22, 2005 07:39 PM
I think men tend to be a lot more hurt by physical cheating and women tend to be a lot more hurt by emotional cheating. quote:
Picture this situation: Your partner gets home and tells you he/she is in love with another man/woman. Nothing has happened between them, but the truth is he/she just doesn't love you anymore.. and he/she has been trying to keep up pretences.. but they are now getting tired of it. He/She wants the relationship to be over so they can move on.Second situation: Partner gets home and tells you he/she made a massive mistake. They had sex with someone they were very attracted to and couldn't say no. It was a one time thing (not ongoing) They feel extremely bad about this and want you to forgive them because the other person is just someone they feel nothing for.. whereas you are the person they love and want to be with.
I'LL CRY ALOT AND BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM. YOU KNOW...TO LET MY ANGER OUT.
BOTH WOULD BE AWFUL. I'D BE HEART BROKEN AND FULL OF RAGE.
I WILL MOVE ON OF COURSE. I WOULD DESERVE WAY BETTER.
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Gemini sun, Cancer rising, mercury in Gemini, moon in Taurus *29, venus in Taurus, mars in Libra *´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ * Lost in the peace of serenity
Blind my eyes I cannot see
Lost my soul but found my heart
Again a time, when I shall start IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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