posted June 06, 2006 06:38 AM         

I wrote a quick post on overcoming depression, but I was only able to write it because I lived through my attempts.

I think the reason more men commit suicide is because they tend to be silent about their depression-not telling anyone for fear of appearing weak, and with the use of more violent methods the job is done with greater efficientcy.

Women will speak of their pain more easily, & seek help. Women tend to use less effective methods; therefore, more attemps are needed.

In my case I lived to fight another day.

I relate so much to Lynx. There is a dispair that has no words. I looked high & low for a way out of the torment that is "Major Depression". I couldn't find one. When you believe you are a waste of human flesh & space you think that everyone else thinks that too. When I heard " I don't wan't to be a burdon to anyone" that echoed of deep memories.

I truly believed that I was ridding the world of a burdon that would not really be missed. I knew loved ones would be sad, yet I was clueless to the fact that it would be devistating. It never entered my mind that others might blame themselves; because, I wrote a note & tried to explain.

I know now what an impact it would have had. There are still those that think as I did. I feel deeply for those on both sides of life & death.

When someone commits suicide with no apparent clues the pain & rage & blame must be horrible.

For those that did die I can only relate to what I went through. I don't know about suicide for vengence. I can only speculate that they needed someone to blame for their pain. I do know drugs & alcohol will make people feel spiteful. Any addict is hard to pity; because, they can be so mean. But they too suffer from a chemical imbalance that torments them. They have more of a tendancy to want everyone else to be as miserable as they are.

For mirandee & those that posted about loosing someone My felt sympathy to you.

posted June 06, 2006 11:52 PM         

I had read her poetry, and have one of her books and I knew brief bits about her. Her battles with depression, drugs and her suicide, but I had no idea about the sexual abuse of her daughter, etc. It can't help but make you think of someone differently, can it?

I'm not sure what to think of the biography's controversy. It does seem as if she was a woman who would have wanted the truth told, whether flattering or not. And the family seemed ok with it. But yet, is it ever right to make such decisions without the person alive to be truly consentual? Who could emphatically say whether or not it would have been wanted?

quote:

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I truly believed that I was ridding the world of a burdon that would not really be missed.

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Kim, I do understand that feeling as well. I almost justified in my mind at one point how my children would be better off without me, for my choice of divorcing their dad would affect their lives so greatly.
But ultimately, they were what saved me. I just couldn't think of doing that to them...leaving them with such a legacy to endure on their own.

To me, it seems understandable that a person would keep it all within themselves and not open to others.
It's a pulled within isolation that feels no one else could ever understand. How do you begin to speak out from such a wordless place?
Especially someone who was so serious about committing suicide that they went through with it, wouldn't have wanted to give opportunity to be talked out of it, or pitied, or met without compassion and understanding or to worry others.

posted June 07, 2006 07:48 AM         

GOD Bless the Ravens and Crows!

posted June 07, 2006 01:17 PM         

I first want to say how grateful I am for the inspiring poetry sharing and amazing capacity for comfort here.

May I suggest that the ones responsible for this site make a new FORUM for any of us who are feeling less than capable of overiding the madness of the world. Perhaps it could be titled S.O.S. and be a quick resource for help rather than trying to find a link amongst the many topics that sprout here.

Under duress it would be easy to seek a kindred spirit and receive the needed response to calls of personal pain.

I have recently relocated away from a comforting eco-village and find the transition overwhelming sometimes as I feel I have not found "home" and it is a little disturbing, some days more than others. It only takes a small additional challenge type "push' to go from here to a darker place.

I came to this site after re-reading Gooberz which I do every few years... obvioulsy we are all here to know we are not alone and to find community of a sort where we can expand rather than contract in the sometimes unforgiving physical communtities where we live.

Linda herself may have had many friends, but on some level didnt she cry out for help? well at least Gooberz appears to be one long poem of asking for advice and processing the responses to feelings of loss, betrayal and unworthiness. Perhaps Linda's own eventual denial of Diabetes was a suicidal act.... an act of omission that had literally eaten away at her faith. Being noble and outwardly strong till the "end" doesnt necessarily reflect inner fears and doubts. At some point Linda's life work may have been a troubling time of introspection. She wrote a love poem to us all inviting us to share her own healing and so it may be fitting in this place (site) to offer each other an easily accessible direct forum for mutual healing.

posted June 07, 2006 01:19 PM         

I first want to say how grateful I am for the inspiring poetry sharing and amazing capacity for comfort here.

May I suggest that the ones responsible for this site make a new FORUM for any of us who are feeling less than capable of overiding the madness of the world. Perhaps it could be titled S.O.S. and be a quick resource for help rather than trying to find a link amongst the many topics that sprout here.

Under duress it would be easy to seek a kindred spirit and receive the needed response to calls of personal pain.

I have recently relocated away from a comforting eco-village and find the transition overwhelming sometimes as I feel I have not found "home" and it is a little disturbing, some days more than others. It only takes a small additional challenge type "push' to go from here to a darker place.

I came to this site after re-reading Gooberz which I do every few years... obvioulsy we are all here to know we are not alone and to find community of a sort where we can expand rather than contract in the sometimes unforgiving physical communtities where we live.

Linda herself may have had many friends, but on some level didnt she cry out for help? well at least Gooberz appears to be one long poem of asking for advice and processing the responses to feelings of loss, betrayal and unworthiness. Perhaps Linda's own eventual denial of Diabetes was a suicidal act.... an act of omission that had literally eaten away at her faith. Being noble and outwardly strong till the "end" doesnt necessarily reflect inner fears and doubts. At some point Linda's life work may have been a troubling time of introspection. She wrote a love poem to us all inviting us to share her own healing and so it may be fitting in this place (site) to offer each other an easily accessible direct forum for mutual healing.

posted June 09, 2006 09:33 PM         

quote:

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May I suggest that the ones responsible for this site make a new FORUM for any of us who are feeling less than capable of overiding the madness of the world. Perhaps it could be titled S.O.S. and be a quick resource for help rather than trying to find a link amongst the many topics that sprout here.

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I think that is a wonderful suggestion, Nova. Maybe Pix or someone else can bring it to Randall's attention. We all have those times when we are feeling low or have problems and need someone to talk to that we feel would understand. Just being able to talk to others about how we are feeling is a big help.

Lialei, I agree with what you said in that it can't help but make us see the person differently knowing about the sexual abuse of her daughter by Anne Sexton. But I tend to think she must have had that experience in her life for her to do that. Not that all people who are sexually abused grow up to be that way, but Anne Sexton had a lot of other mental struggles that she could not overcome that may also have contributed to it.

I had mixed feelings about the biography controversy too. After all it was her therapist who wrote the biography. She, along with Anne Sexton's daughter and a good friend of Anne Sexton's said she would have had no qualms about her life being revealed that way so who can say?