posted November 19, 2006 10:58 PM         

I would like to preface this post by saying that it's really difficult for me to ask for help...many many times I have wanted to fall on my knees and bow to everyone's incredible knowledge of astrology.. but I have always thought of myself as a "tough guy" and that I was smart enough to figure it out on my own.

I concede, I don't know sh!t about astrology. Enough to get by- I use intuition more than hard facts- but I am feeling overwhelmed by all the transits and "big stuff" that's rolling through my chart right now.

I hope I am not whining- but I need some advice- and everyone, everyone! here is so good at being supportive. I missed being here so much.

Here's the scoop- if y'all got the patience..

I have lived in the Park for 3 years now, and it has been good to me. I have great work experience, and it proved to me that yes, I can take on challenges, yes, i can manage people, and yes, I am good at something. For years i searched for a company that would appreciate me, and i found it. The park was a godsend to me after the h*ll called Saturn Return.

I have made the firm decision that my decade long psuedo-relationship is not healthy for me, and have thus ended it, no residual emotional crap left to change my mind/heart.

I have made the decision to just "get over it, already" all the abuse of my childhood and to stop treating myself badly. I am ready to quit smoking, and to commit for life a goal of eating healthily, living right, yada yada yada- you all know where I am going with this.

So, yay girl, brand new me...

I decided to wait until after Merc Rx to make the choice whether I was going to stay here in Oregon or return to the Park for the winter. Friday- yes, Friday, the day Merc went direct- it occurred to me to go back for the winter, and plan on my triumphant return to Portland once the winter season is over in March.

I can save more money and I will be working. I get stupid when I don't work. I will still have insurance, so I can get some important stuff done. I am buying a laptop before I go back, so I can plan out my reentry into society... this Earth sign isn't all that comfortable with spontaneity.

I wonder if I am squandering the energy that the Universe is providing me RIGHT THIS MINUTE... this wonderful New Moon in Scorpio is just BARELY going into my first house. I have spent the past month is the exquisite agony of Scorpio stellium in my 12th house. I have been "reflecting" my little a$$ off.

I am concerned I am just falling back into my comfort zone/rut by going back. I read the wonderful post about this New Moon, and the links accompanying it (Thanks so much, Zala and 26t for those threads!!!) and how 6 months will show results, and 9 months you will reap the harvest of choices.... this timeline seems to fall right into staying the winter and one more summer... thus moving to Portland next fall...

Sorry, I am babbling. This is just such a HUGE decision and I am sooooo tired of screwing up. I have wasted so much time and energy doing NOTHING that now I am afraid to do ANYTHING. Grrrrr.

If anyone would like to take a look..

August 31, 1973 12:47pm Fond du Lac, WI

If anyone just wants to pat my shoulder and say, "it will be ok, you neurotic freak," I would appreciate that too.

Part of me feels that I need the next 3 months of isolation to "pump myself up" for the challenges I will face returning to the world. I am afraid I will fail...again.
Part of me just doesn't want to go back to the Park ever...and run headlong into this unsure future.

I bet tomorrow I will re-read this post and think I sound like an idiot. But really- I would just like to hear other people's opinions. There's no one in my life that really "gets" how astrology affects a person.
Everyone here does- and I respect the people here so much.

posted November 20, 2006 03:40 AM         

Just kidding, hon -- and I promise you, it WILL BE OK!! Hey you survived Saturn Return!! You've disengaged and disconnected emotionally from the guy who thinks dry humping is seductive. You've got a plan for the short-term future, and from the details above, it sounds like a good one I don't necessarily believe you're "falling back into your comfort zone/rut" -- sometimes you need a safe and familiar base of operations to branch/grow out FROM, rather than diving totally into the unknown (how un-Earth-like!!) leaving all familiar landmarks behind.....

I will take a look at your chart as soon as I can, and it certainly warms the cockles of my heart that people actually read and get useful info for their lives out of the stuff that I post

I love the way you write, and I've enjoyed your posts here MK -- it's late and I have to try to sleep some more before I get up in 3 hours to get ready for work.....

I'm glad your "reentry into society" includes LL so that we can all enjoy your sense of humor!!

posted November 20, 2006 09:10 AM         

'RAISING YOUR STANDARDS"

Dont settle for less than you deserve. Once you make the committment to manifest an improved situation. the Universe will find a way to deliver it to you"

Hope that helps...

posted November 20, 2006 08:42 PM         

So, today...I am bumming around with my brother, and I get a phone call....

Keeping in mind, yes, I have decided I am going to go back..

And its from the ONE place I sent my resume with an honest-to-goddess real cover letter. I have an interview on Wednesday.
I love the Universe's sense of humor.
I am a little shocked- I never really expected a call from anyone. I suppose I can go into the interview feeling great, because I still have a job even if they don't hire me.
Zala.. your posts always help me. I repeat to myself daily the information I gleaned from one of your posts on Nodes.
sue g... that angel card is interesting. I suffer from selling myself short ALL the time (haha- especially with men!) Most of the past month I have kept telling myself I am not good enough to get hired in this town. We''ll see what happens..
Oh, pix... thanks for your words of encouragement. How are you doing? I don't see you around these parts much...

posted November 20, 2006 09:49 PM         

Congrats on the interview!!
If you liked some Node stuff I posted, maybe you'll like this whole chapter on North Node in Cappy: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/007999.html