posted December 07, 2006 07:49 AM         

It’s really tough having a mum like mine.

She makes me look like gollum. As a child I was this short, white haired - not pretty girly blonde…no. old lady white thin hair, and usually looking a little ill as I had issues with anaemia.

Growing up my mum was the charming Libra, a true English rose with her gorgeous flawless skin and golden locks - while I was this sick little creature next to her. People would often ask who I was…….ummmm a little girl who hangs around a woman? a good guess would be she’s her daughter
omg I was totally a sick fish lol with grey skin, looking floppy. it just occurred to me.

So, my mum has this good friend, and the first time we met I was told I looked “peculiar”

who says that to a child?!?!? a pre-teen in fact!!!!! Like I didn’t have enough issues then.

Then there was that time I asked mum if I was pretty…..and she hesitated!!! omg she hesitated!!!! of course she said yes, but that pause was enough to imprint “I’m ugly” in my head. She did not mean it in a bad way, she has this thing where she can’t lie. She believes to love someone is to be honest with them.

Anyway, I don’t have anaemia…I finally developed…which happened at 16-18 I think - my skin’s good, and my hair’s thicker. Becoming a woman built my confidence. I feel good, I feel beautiful…until my uncle came today..

“You still don’t look like your mother! ohhhh”
Christmas spirit my arse - I want him out.
He’s a gemini - it had to be a gemini.

I try to laugh things off, I really do, but it hurts…it really does.
I know I shouldn’t care about external stuff, but I do…and I so wish I didn’t.

If you knew my mother, you would wonder where I came from. But that’s what my dad’s family look like. They’re foreign. I just wish, their look wasn’t so extreme..

So yeah, anyone else wanna vent??? It’s fun

posted December 07, 2006 08:20 AM         

This string must seem mighty petty…….and sure my pain is prolly pointless and petty ( no sarcasm ). I guess all I want is someone to say
“it’s ok, you’re fine the way you are”

…

yeah

posted December 07, 2006 10:05 AM         

P.S:Thats from a gemini too!

posted December 07, 2006 11:38 AM         

A. It's true, for the most part, beauty is subjective. I mean, the percentage is higher for most people. Meaning, like 70% if of people will find a certain person attractive and the other 30% maybe subjective. But, again, that could be my Virgo sun and Gemini moon, over analyzing things. BUT the one truth is, beauty is subjective.

B. You can't even begin to feel beautiful, until you BELIEVE it.

C. If you compare your looks to others, then you'll never measure up. Why? Because you are not them. So you will never feel beautiful. It'll be like Pandoras Box. You'll be chasing it, and chasing it but you'll never catch it.

Also, be very proud of your mom's beauty. If it weren't for her, you wouldn't be here! She is the fountain of your existence. The beautiful fountain of your existence. And her beauty is YOUR beauty. Her skin is your skin. Her hair is your hair. Her mouth, yours. And that's the beauty of having beautiful parents.

However, don't get me wrong, it all means nothing if we can't adore the beautiful fountain they the give us from the inside of them. If they possess beauty from the inside, that's WAYYYY more special. Even if they can't see it within themselves, you find it, and covet that first. And be proud of that, first. And now that, that beauty, from the inside, is your beauty.

Then, you'll definitely BELIEVE in your beauty.

Good luck on your journey to discovering your beauty.

Oh, and I just think those little white haired children are SOOO adorable. Because they're so unique looking. But that's just me. I love unique. To me it's about the rare. And I think, little redhead kids in all ethnicities are just the cutest of the cute!!! Seeee.... it's is subjective!

posted December 07, 2006 12:48 PM         

My mum was dark and stunning - I don't look like her at all and likewise hated myself growing up. BUT I got contact lenses, sorted my skin out (almost) and I also have a mane of thick, long blonde hair which my mother always envied me.
It takes time for a lot of women to mature and look good. It's like some men, often those who look great at 16-20 look terrible 10 years later. So don't despair!!!!!
My mum had problems with anorexia for years and lo and behold, what should my eldest cousin on my father's side say to her at the age of 3 but "Aren't you fat"!!!!!

The golden rule to remember is:
PEOPLE SAY ANYTHING!!!!! It can be as stupid as you like!
Are you ok? (apart from the above) - seems you're a little out of sorts these days.

posted December 07, 2006 01:03 PM         

It's a fragile thing, and no matter how non-material we are, it still hurts to be though of as 'ugly'.
Even if it wasn't meant that way, if it is meant inside, we will take it that way.

For instance.. right now with my hugely engorged in my seventh month pregnant belly, people naturally point it out.
I mean everyone.
( as if I had forgotten)
And they'll say very flattering things like " Omigosh, you're huge!!" ( Do you mean my ass or my belly, because I hear *inside* they mean my ass.) "Are you sure it's not twins?"*yes*
"Omigosh, you're about ready to pop any minute now, are you due now?"* um, I'm due in thirteen weeks.
"You're carrying really low" *translated to; you have no muscle tone left*

I hear you.

You are a lovely lovely human being, and I KNOW you are just as lovely on the outside. There is no 'comparison'. I swear each generation improves upon the one before. Sometimes it just takes a little while.

Thanks for letting me vent.

posted December 07, 2006 05:48 PM         

I handed over the cash for the toy and yer woman behind the counter says..."when is the baby due then"....fecking hell I had already given BIRTH... so I said he was born yesterday. She looked mortified...haha

Yes I am laughing now, but Jeeeez I was a bit put out...still I only look 5 months preggers now

You are all gorgeous ladies and gents....we know we are...Lindaland dont let any uglies in does it...not from what I see...

We are beautiful....all together...."we are beautiful"

posted December 07, 2006 08:55 PM         

And when you pick yourself up and make the best of whatever it is you perceive your situation to be, along comes someone to suck the wind out of your sails.

Be strong in yourself. I believe that everyone has beauty and I see it in everyone I meet. Authenticity is gorgeous! Whatever you do, don't hold back the gift of YOU. Your inner light shines so very brightly. I have no doubts that it is impossible for you to not positively radiate!

One more note... I've noticed that no matter how much we change throughout our lives-- inside or outside-- it seems to be very difficult for relatives to realize this. Your uncle made a careless remark, but I betcha his perception of you is probably somewhat skewed.

posted December 10, 2006 04:57 PM         

Crg, thank you for saying that, even tho I’m often a pain ;-) you and BM always remind me of my bf. Very happy loony cancers that I adore <3

h_i, sorry about the Gem thing, I totally take it back. My dad’s one and always tells me I’m beautiful <3 hopefully no offence was taken!! Thanks ;-) I hate my uncle too. But he’s still here :*(
<3 yeah my daddy is swede :-) with the strong bone structure and everything *sigh* I got that from him. Although my facial baby fat hides it…for now!!

N111, yes you’re right, and I do believe beauty is subjective. And I love red headed kids!! <3333 they’re so adorable, my sister is one, and I think she’s gorgeous!
Mum is beautiful, she always has been. But I turn more heads!! so :P to her lol
“B. You can't even begin to feel beautiful, until you BELIEVE it.”

I do. But the second someone doesn’t it’s crash and burn. Prolly childhood issues…or past life issues. Either way it’s something I have to fix. Thank you for encouraging words hun <3 btw I totally get your overanalysing-ness ;-D I’m that way too!!

Xena, yes!! Late bloomers are beautiful. I’ve seen it with my friends.
“It takes time for a lot of women to mature and look good. It's like some men, often those who look great at 16-20 look terrible 10 years later. So don't despair!!!!!”

I still wont get served drinks!! :O lol but that’s alright. I’m less offended these days when the guy sneers “you need ID”

“Are you ok? (apart from the above) - seems you're a little out of sorts these days.”

You noticed! <333 it’s my job, I’m just overly stressed. <3

Pix I know right?!! No matter how good I feel, if some guy makes a comment, it’s a shot straight to the heart.

“For instance.. right now with my hugely engorged in my seventh month pregnant belly, people naturally point it out.
I mean everyone.
( as if I had forgotten)
And they'll say very flattering things like " Omigosh, you're huge!!" ( Do you mean my ass or my belly, because I hear *inside* they mean my ass.) "Are you sure it's not twins?"*yes*
"Omigosh, you're about ready to pop any minute now, are you due now?"* um, I'm due in thirteen weeks.
"You're carrying really low" *translated to; you have no muscle tone left*”

If I were you I woulda chucked something at them. my friend who had a virgo baby got similar remarks, some of which left me stunned. Strangers touching her belly just weirded me out!!

Thanks pixel for what you said <333

Sue that happened to my friend too!! I’m glad you laugh about it now, cause we’re the same, so I know I’ll be laughing about what happened to me later on. Like when my sister asked why I don’t have boobies!!! I cried myself to sleep. But I laugh about it now. Just being a drama queen I guess. Thank you for your lovely words, yes we are beautiful dahlings ;-) <3

“And when you pick yourself up and make the best of whatever it is you perceive your situation to be, along comes someone to suck the wind out of your sails.”

Future you understand, I feel so much better, cause I know I‘m not being silly with all this. It does suck.
My uncle has a traditional view of beauty. So if I don’t fit his criteria, I simply am not. Of course he also deeply dislikes my farther ( along with the rest of my mum‘s family ), so the fact I’m the female version of him doesn’t help.

My God you guys are THE BEST. You have no idea how much better I feel. I’ve been surrounded by mum’s relatives who’ve been sucking the life out of me - ahh Christmas.

posted December 11, 2006 12:36 PM         

No need to feel embarrassed. You were being honest. You pulled from the inside and brought it out....
And that's not only brave but a tribute to honesty.
Without honesty we can never see....

I have my own issues that I continually reason away. A girl can get addicted to too much attention. And I try not to let it be something that validates me. So, I set my belief system and believe it. First, guys look at all attractive women. Second, the majority of women in the world are attractive. Three, the outside IS just the outside. If I were a raving mad lunatic or an insecure attention seeker, after two days the guy will be turned off of the real me anyway. So, I know that he has to be breaking his neck to stare at me from the inside out. If not, then it's just a whisper in the wind.

But I love how you wrote that reply to everyone... It was SWEEEET

posted December 11, 2006 01:43 PM         

Love to you, Nixieinfurno.