posted January 17, 2007 02:15 AM         

I live in Big Sky County- where the average distance between cities is about 3 hours.

From where I live (in the winter) the nearest McDonalds is 60 miles away (not that I eat there) and the nearest Target is another 30 miles past that. During the summer I get to tack another 2 hours on that driving time, because of idiot tourists... but I digress.

there is ONE road to get to civilization. I know this road REALLY well- being that I have driven it, oh, about 200 times in the course of the past 3 years. I measure progress based on rockslides.

I still can't believe i live in the freakin' wilderness... again, I digress.

SO----
tonight, I am driving home after some furious shopping in "The Big City".. population 20,000. My critter radar is on DefCon 3. Its twilight-almost dark. I know where those little b@stards hide out. As I said- I have logged the miles on this road.

I come around a corner, and I see them- 3 bambis, stock still and jumpy in the middle of the road. i have this crazy radar for animals and cops- i always know when the sh!t is about to go down.
Behind me is the paranoid minivan driver, whose speed has been flucuating between 45 to 55 miles an hours for the past 40 miles.

I slam on the brakes, throw on the hazard lights, and wait for the kamikaze deer to make up their minds...

Coming around the bend is this a$$hat Hummer driver. Even in the dark, you can recognize Hummer drivers- 80 miles an hour, balls to the wall, assuming that the 2 tons of 65,000 dollars of metal will protect them from Armaggedon.

I am flashing my brights off and on, so is the minivan mom behind me. It looks like Studio 54 in the wild wild west, trying to get Mr. A$$hat to slow down before he turns the Bambis into particulate.

I am flashing, my heart is going a million miles an hour- and I can see IN MY MINDS EYE Mr. A$$hat plowing into the deer that are about 15 feet in front me- and one of them bounces onto my windshield.. the antlers puncturing my neck.....mayhem and death and sh!t, I need a new car....

A$$hat slows down, bambis run up the hill to go tell their homeboys about how they played chicken with a Hummer. I figure its some sort of Deer Gang Initiation.

Today's brush with death....

posted January 18, 2007 10:13 AM         

"Even in the dark, you can recognize Hummer drivers- 80 miles an hour, balls to the wall, assuming that the 2 tons of 65,000 dollars of metal will protect them from Armaggedon."

posted January 18, 2007 02:21 PM         

I am glad that everyone enjoys the random literary bombs I drop on LL. I think if people could get paid for writing blogs... most Americans would quit their jobs tomorrow.

Like every dorky, maladjusted homely girl, I have always wanted to write a book. Of course, I also want to be President....priorities, priorities...

My mom loves to tell me that I screamed for the first 2 years of my life- and then started talking, and never shut up. HAH!

Funny thing is, I spend alot of time alone. I have worked hard to create my House-esque view of humanity. The first time I watched this show, I felt like I had found my soul mate!

Anyway, I get shy when I talk about myself. Enough of that. I am feeling ill and I have to go to work in 45 minutes.

Blech.

posted January 18, 2007 02:31 PM         

You even made a story about deer in the street sound interesting.

I'd say there's som talent there...
LOADS OF IT!

posted January 19, 2007 02:15 AM         

however, today I have created my new favorite acronym for the EarthKiller behemoths...

Armageddon Assault Vehicles!!!