posted January 19, 2007 06:52 PM         

ARDCRONY (n.)
A remote acquaintance passed off as 'a very good friend of mine' by someone trying to impress people.

ALLTAMI (n.)
The ancient art of being able to balance the hot and cold shower taps.

BODMIN (n.)
The irrational and inevitable discrepancy between the amount pooled and the amount needed when a large group of people try to pay a bill together after a meal.

BROMSGROVE (n.)
Any urban environment containing a small amount of dogturd and about forty-five tons of bent steel pylon or a lump of concrete with holes claiming to be sculpture.

CLIXBY (adj.)
Politely rude. Bliskly vague. Firmly uninformative.

CLUN (n.)
A leg which has gone to sleep and has to be hauled around after you.

CLUNES (pl.n.)
People who just won't go.

CRANLEIGH (n.)
A mood of irrational irritation with everyone and everything.

DULEEK (n.)
Sudden realisation, as you lie in bed waiting for the alarm to go off, that it should have gone off an hour ago.

EWELME (n.)
The smile bestowed on you by an air hostess.

FIUNARY (n.)
The safe place you put something and then forget where it was.

FROLESWORTH (n.)
Measure. The minimum time it is necessary to spend frowning in deep concentration at each picture in an art gallery in order that everyone else doesn't think you've a complete moron.

GOLANT (adj.)
Blank, sly and faintly embarrassed. Pertaining to the expression seen on the face of someone who has clearly forgotten your name.

GOOLE (n.)
The puddle on the bar into which the barman puts your change.

HARPENDEN (n.)
The coda to a phone conversion, consisting of about eight exchanges, by which people try gracefully to get off the line.

HOFF (vb.)
To deny indignantly something which is palpably true.

KIBBLESWORTH (n.)
The footling amount of money by which the price of a given article in a shop is less than a sensible number, in a vain hope that at least one idiot will think it cheap. For instance, the kibblesworth on a pair of shoes priced at $19.99 is 1p.

MAVIS ENDERBY (n.)
The almost-completely-forgotten girlfriend from your distant past for whom your wife has a completely irrational jealousy and hatred.

NYBSTER (n.)
Sort of person who takes the lift to travel one floor.

ROCHESTER (n.)
One who is able to gain occupation of the armrest on both sides of their cinema or aircraft seat.

WHASSET (n.)
A business card in you wallet belonging to someone whom you have no recollection of meeting.

YESNABY (n.)
A 'yes, maybe' which means 'no'.