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Author
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Topic: LADIES ROOM
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Stargazer
Knowflake Posts: 1108
From: Columbus OH USA
Registered: Aug 2005
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posted January 23, 2007 10:52 AM
 
LADIES ROOM
>
> When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually
> find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once
> it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is
> occupied.
>
> Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking
> down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't
> latch. It doesn't matter
>
> The dispenser for the modern "seat covers"
>
> (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but
> empty.
>
> You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there
> were one, but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly drape it around
> your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the
> FLOOR!),
>
> yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."
>
> In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles
> begin to shake
>
> You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken
> time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it,
>
> so you hold "The Stance."
>
> To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach
> for what youdiscover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your
> mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried
> to clean the seat, youwould have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"
>
> Your thighs shake more.
>
> You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on
> yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. That would have to do.
>
> You crumple it in the puffiest way possible.
>
> It is still smaller than your thumbnail.
>
> Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch
> doesn't work.
>
> The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your
> neck in front of your chest and you and your purse topple backward
> against the tank of the toilet.
>
> "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door,
> dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor,
> lose your footing altogether,
>
> and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
>
> It is wet, of course.
>
> You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late.
> Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life
> form on the uncovered seat
> because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that
> there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
>
> You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if
> she knew, because, you're certain; her bare bottom never touched a
> public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what
> kind of diseases you could get!"
>
> By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the
> toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like
> a fire hose that somehow sucks everything down with such force that you
> grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
>
> At that point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing
> water and the wet toilet seat.
>
> You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you
> found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
>
> You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the
> automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel
> and walk past the line of women, still waiting. You are no longer able to
> smile politely to them.
>
> A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a
> piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe.
>
> (Where was that when you NEEDED it??)
>
> You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it the woman's
> hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."
>
> As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since
> entered, used and left the men's restroom.
>
> Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is
> your purse hanging around your neck?"
>
> This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a
> public restroom (rest??? you've got to be kidding!!).
>
> It finally explains to the men what really does take us
> so long.
>
It also answers their other commonly asked question
about why women go to the restroom in pairs.
It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto
your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door. 
IP: Logged |
Bluemoon
Knowflake Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005
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posted January 23, 2007 10:57 AM
Too True!IP: Logged |
Yin
Knowflake Posts: 1409
From:
Registered: May 2004
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posted January 23, 2007 11:13 AM
I never sit in a public restroom. Ewww!IP: Logged |
Dulce Luna
Knowflake Posts: 4598
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted January 23, 2007 12:35 PM
Ditto, toilet seats in public restrooms are straight up nasty....IP: Logged |
Nephthys
Moderator Posts: 3800
From: California
Registered: Oct 2001
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posted January 23, 2007 01:20 PM
This is the exact description of the bathrooms in my college!  IP: Logged |
hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 1981
From: The Ether
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted January 23, 2007 01:22 PM
 We have a co-ed rr at work and I got livid over the weekend because someone kept peeing all over the place!!! Mostly women were working that day, but a guy or two and a few meandered through from time to time so I could not catch anyone. We are RN's, for petesake!!! Geeeezzzzz..... I finally about lost it when someone had peed all over the toilet seat and left it there. I made a sign Please
Use these facilities
In a cleanly
Manner~~~ Someone wrote later "use your aiming skills, hit the target!" Have been using the public rr down the hall as of late~~~too bad the general pubilc is cleaner than a bunch of nurses... IP: Logged |
Sweet Stars
Knowflake Posts: 1098
From: New York City
Registered: Dec 2006
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posted January 23, 2007 01:25 PM
ahahahahahahahaaaIP: Logged |
Dulce Luna
Knowflake Posts: 4598
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted January 23, 2007 01:35 PM
quote:
Someone wrote later "use your aiming skills, hit the target!"
LOL, that is soooo true.
IP: Logged |
Gemini Nymph
Knowflake Posts: 2216
From:
Registered: Jul 2004
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posted January 23, 2007 02:04 PM
Handiwipes! Handiwipes! Never leave home without them. Hell, if your purse is big enough, take a mini-can of Lysol with you too.God, I hate using public bathrooms. IP: Logged |
Stargazer
Knowflake Posts: 1108
From: Columbus OH USA
Registered: Aug 2005
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posted January 23, 2007 02:16 PM
handiwipes With all my Virgoness.. They are with me at all times... I keep them stashed in the car, too. I just thought this was so funny... probably because we've all been there.... IP: Logged |
libraschoice7
Knowflake Posts: 1976
From: Arizona
Registered: Jul 2006
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posted January 23, 2007 09:20 PM
This is so funny because it's just soooo true!LOL! ------------------
Sun in Libra
Moon in Cancer
Jupiter in Cancer
Venus in Virgo
Mars in Cancer
Ascendant in Cancer I "FEEL" therefor I am IP: Logged |
Nephthys
Moderator Posts: 3800
From: California
Registered: Oct 2001
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posted January 23, 2007 09:39 PM
 EEEKKKK! I hate sharing co-ed facilities! It is so discusting! Hippi, can't you guys get your own ladies only bathroom? ------------------
AWAKE
Shake dreams from your hair
My pretty child, my sweet one.
Choose the day and choose the sign of your day
The day's divinity
First thing you see.
~James Douglas Morrison IP: Logged |
aquaspryt69
Knowflake Posts: 1567
From: Arizona
Registered: Feb 2004
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posted January 24, 2007 03:50 PM
Funny, true and totally gross! IP: Logged |
hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 1981
From: The Ether
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted January 24, 2007 09:12 PM
Well!!!The restroom at work was CLEAN today, and then again, all women working~~~ I think I know who the culprit is...Will "stalk" him when I can and catch him on his hygiene obscenities if I can! !!!!!!!!! IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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