posted March 17, 2007 08:20 AM            

For example, when I was about to be put somewhere really hellish again, the laws constrained me to helplessness and to accept my fate (where I'd almost certainly be tortured and raped for the crime of having my own mind). Had I given up because "it's the law, I MUST comply," then no I wouldn't have been free and I'd have been a helpless victim.

But I refused to accept that. Instead, I changed my name from Jane to Janet. I cut my hair and dyed it black. I then, illegally, made my way from Texas to California.

Granted, had my leaving like that not been illegal it would've been much easier, and many other things would've been better: I could've gone for help when attacked for example, making attacks less likely (not only because you can go for help, but because others likely would've done something about them before the said predator ever got to you to begin with). Because of the laws in existence, I suffered greatly, and I could not go to the hospital when I really needed it or to the police. But I think I suffered LESS than if I obeyed the law. And it was my willingness to ignore that law (made up in large part by the rich to protect themselves from the majority and also by self-rightous jerks, for the most part) that made me free. Not free in a legal or constitutional sense, but in an actual sense.

And during that attack that left me permanently scarred. I was a prisoner and it took me awhile before I managed to escape and I was sure I was going to die. But I didn't give up, I kept trying. And like a mantra, I kept repeating to myself the poem An Awful Tempest Mashed the Air by Emily Dickinson.

This poem not only reminds me to appreciate the good times and prepare for the bad because the bad will come, but that the storms and nights shall pass. All one has to do is survive. Where I might've given up and likely been killed, I chanted it silently and outloud as I endured and as I worked toward escape. And like the girl in the song Deception by Cruxshadows, I might've silently prayed for daylight, and daylight came, because I never stopped reaching for it. I have my scars, physical and psychic, but I also have my life and I'm happier than I was back when I was young. Life just gets better for me. I survived my own dark night to find the morning light and that "peace is paradise." And who I was then is not who I am now. My destiny wasn't set in stone, it was one I chose for myself and grew, tempered by my experiences.

It's a lot like someone learning to skate or surf. Some people will fall down a few times and give it up. Others keep getting back up on the board (or whatever) and keep at it. And the attitude used in learning to skate and surf are present in life. People WILL fall. They always do. Some fall in the muck and refuse to get back up, certain that they can't deal with it. They're screwed. Others will get back up, no matter if they knocked themselves down or were knocked down by circumstances beyond their control. There are inspirational stories of people who lost everything (even wound up paralyzed) that still managed to accomplish their dreams while others seeming to have every advantage just said "screw it" and killed themselves.

Me? I'm not a victim. I chose to not give up, to not give in and let my spirit be broken. I kept getting back up on that board, no matter how many times I fell off and how many times I was knocked off. And now I do kickflips and ride the waves with the same confidence that I live the rest of my life: with confidence that whatever comes, even if it's "the government," I can deal with it, and that I can survive. And that while there is great evil and pain and ugliness in this world, there is also great good and love and beauty here, too, and I choose to focus upon the latter, while not forgetting the former.

posted March 17, 2007 09:51 AM            

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Why'd you guys have to ruin a good string.

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How rude.

"Prophets are, by their nature, inconvenient party-poopers."
- Thomas Cahill

You say "ruined",
I say "filled with pearls".
Let's call the whole thing off.

quote:

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The meaning runs deep, if it went over your head, then just accept you don't understand.

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Excuse me?!!
Are you kidding?!!

Take it from a Scorpio, Sister,
you dont have the first clue what deep is.
You think "free will" is deep?
Try looking below the surface of a person's choices, for once.
Try just once to examine their motives, -
to say nothing of the sources of their motives,
and the sources of the sources of their motives.
It's all One.
You and your "free will" just float on the surface,
never suspecting what bears you up.

I'm done with you.

posted March 17, 2007 12:40 PM              

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How rude.

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quote:

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Take it from a Scorpio, Sister,
you dont have the first clue what deep is.
Try looking below the surface of a person's choices, for once.
Try just once to examine their motives, -
to say nothing of the sources of their motives,
and the sources of the sources of their motives.
It's all One.
You and your "free will" just float on the surface,
never suspecting what bears you up.

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quote:

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LOL, and you think I ruined the thread.

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posted March 17, 2007 12:55 PM              

quote:

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not helping the victim out, because they can't be a victim, so it must be their fault.

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posted March 18, 2007 09:03 AM            

Thanks also my dear!!!!

I also enjoyed your take on this thread and your input!!!!!

Thanks!!!!

posted March 20, 2007 11:54 PM            

"Perhaps you need to draw a bigger chart, taking into account the fact that the planets in our galaxy (our immediate environment) are not the only planets in the universe, and our Sun is not the only Sun."
ABSOLUTELY
And here I thought this was the one thing we might have disagreed on. That's it. Proved. OBVIOUSLY! Case closed.
Transcend THAT!

OH THE GLORIOUS FREEDOM OF THAT!!!!

I KNEW that something was going to click soon. I just felt it.

The ABFL Key, now it's like Tetris baby, just wait for the rest of the connections

posted March 21, 2007 02:25 AM            

Aqua,

If you REALLY wanna not be a victim. Try this classic witchcraftspell: (warning: only do this if you are really serious about changing your life, and are ready for the consequences that this powerful magic will bring)

Stand in front of a mirror naked.

Light several candles. Color isn't that important Do not use red candles.

Sprinkle a ring of salt around yourself.

Now dance and sway and affirm out loud how powerful you are. The words themselves aren't incredibly important, but they need to be positive affirmations of your worth.

Try:

I am powerful
I am beautiful
I am strong

I am powerful
I am beautiful
I am strong

It has a nice rhythm to it if said correctly.

posted March 23, 2007 08:36 PM              

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I wonder if the people of Darfur or any of the other areas of the world where genocide is being practiced on them by governments know that they are not victims. I wonder if they know that they have other choices or options. I wonder the same about the people of Palestine, the Iraqi people and the people of Afghanistan caught in the middle of war.
I also wonder if children who are sexually and physically abused by their parents or others know that they are not victims and have other options.
Would any of us tell these people that they are "never victims" and that they just need to apply the power of positive thinking to their situations?
This might apply to those of us in the world who are lucky enough to not be caught in situations that are beyond our control but frankly, it does not apply to millions of people in the world who don't have the option of applying positive thinking to their situations.
Sometimes the power of positive thinking can be taken to the extreme. To say that people are "never victims" is, IMHO, one of those times.

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posted March 23, 2007 09:33 PM              

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This is how i muddle through life. Without this belief in perfect universal justice there would be no point in anything.

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Wow, MCM! I really like that thought.

I agree. I also believe in perfect universal justice and that everything has a reason and a purpose. Just never could have expressed it that way.

I believe as Star does in that even suffering, though no one in their right mind wants to have to suffer, has a purpose. Although being human at the time we are suffering that it has a purpose is the last thing on our mind.

Dervish,

Your story is heart wrenching and so very inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

I am so happy that you found a way out of the horrible situation that you were in.

You are a living, walking, breathing testimony to free will and the indominable spirit and strength that lives within the soul of all of us if we only reach for it.

Regarding what you said about not thinking of yourself as a victim, I know that to be true. I don't think that any of us when we are in a horrible situation, even those people in Darfur and caught in wars etc. think of themselves as victims at the time they are caught up in the situation. At the time all you are thinking about is surviving from day to day. Not about being a victim.

But you know, I once was talking to a priest friend of mine about my childhood and some of my early childhood traumas and I told him proudly, " I am a survivor. I am like the Phoenix and always rise from the ashes." He calmly stated to me that the fact that I referred to myself as a survivor means that I, in some way, saw myself at one time as a victim of a horrible experience. He said if my life had not been that way and I was never victimized in some way I would not see myself or define myself as a survivor.

I think he had a good point there and I think that it was the first time I could ever admit to myself that yes, I was at that time a victim.

I was sexually molested by the babysitter's husband at the age of 4. Trust me at that time I didn't see myself or think of myself as a victim. Nor did I think or even know of what options or choices I could make to get myself out of that situation. I was just a very frightened little child who was being victimized by a very sick and perverted adult. I never thought of myself as a victim as I grew up either.

I am a survivor too. But saying that means that at one time in my life I indeed was a victim even though the thought never occured to me at the time or even later. I don't think being a victim occurs to anyone in a bad situation.

It just plain is not true that we are NEVER victims. Some of us are even if we don't even realize it or think of it at the time or later.

posted March 24, 2007 07:43 AM            

A boy that had been sexually abused at the age of 4 and a girl that had been raped at 12 and had abortions forced upon her after it by her abuser. They both were amazed at what the other endured while shrugging off their own experience. Oh, they hurt over it, but what they personally endured didn't seem to the 2 of them to be anywhere as bad as what the OTHER endured.

And I was amazed at what BOTH of them endured!

On my 2nd time as a runaway, I met some Russian expats, many who came over while Communism was still the rule. One very old lady even came over when Stalin was alive. Her story was gut wrenching to me. She grew up in what sounded like a pretty idyllic village. Until Stalin's soldiers showed up, they were unaware that any revolution had even happened (and Stalin had been in power for years by this time). The abuses they endured as their village was destroyed, pets killed and eaten by soldiers, them taken away in literal slavery to work on a farm...many of them couldn't hack it and those that didn't die sometimes killed themselves. She was a little girl, maybe about 11, when she and other relatives began an escape. They knew their village was gone forever and they'd have to make a new home elsewhere. And to escape, they had to be as brutal as those who held them, and even killed cops and soldiers in their escape. Many of them didn't make it. She was one of the few who did who saw her loved ones die and murdered right in front of her at times as they did.

What utterly amazes me is how SWEET she is. And my own trials, which amaze other people, brought about compassion from her? It was so weird to me. And like that boy and girl, I was amazed at what she'd endured and how she could think anything at all about what happened to me. She was very indulgent of me, and knowing I was a runaway/homeless youth, sorta adopted me as a grandchild (I was roomies with her granddaughter for a couple of years, too, and her granddaughter and I remain close friends).

posted March 24, 2007 09:26 AM            

Karma is a difficult concept for many - myslef included - but it makes sense! Everything bad you do in this life will come back at you sevenfold (now or in a later life). Karma can be paid 'blind' through our own suffering without us understanding or knowing OR ACCEPTING why! We do not grow or develop.

When someone chooses to inflict pain and suffering on others they DO have a choice - it may be that a 'victim' is 'destined' by their own Karma to have pain and suffering inflicted on them - BUT.... the 'inflictor' can choose not to create pain and suffering and thus the Karmic chain is broken! If we all understood this most simple and basic universal law then the world would be a better place.

On the same idea - if we accept our own suffering with love and grace and forgiveness of those who have inflicted it upon us then we become responsible for FREEING them and oursleves from future Karmic debt.

If you want to look at it in an even more simple way - love and compassion are the only truths we need. We we truly LOVE (even when our egos are crying out!) we release eons of negativity.

posted March 24, 2007 11:15 AM              

And I'm in total agreement with Dervish and what I went through as a child....I am a survivor!!!

*I forgot to mention that I did not buy a piece of crap vehicle. That was another plus for the week. woo hoo!!

posted March 25, 2007 09:02 PM            

A Lesson in Karma:

Excerpt

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Then, returning from school one afternoon, Luna was beaten and robbed by a gang of black kids. She was weeping and badly frightened when she arrived home, and her Father was shaken by the unfairness of it happening to her, such a gentle, ethereal child. In the midst of consoling her, the Father wandered emotionally and began denouncing the idea of Karma. Luna was beaten, he said, not for her sins, but for the sins of several centuries of slavers and racists, most of whom had never themselves suffered for those sins. "Karma is a blind machine," he said. "The effects of evil go on and on but they don't necessarily come back on those who start the evil." Then Father got back on the track and said some more relevant and consoling things.

The next day Luna was her usual sunny and cheerful self, just like the Light in her paintings. "I'm glad you're feeling better," the Father said finally.

"I stopped the wheel of Karma," she said. "All the bad energy is with the kids who beat me up. I'm not holding any of it."

And she wasn't. The bad energy had entirely passed by, and there was no anger or fear in her. I never saw her show any hostility to blacks after the beating, any more than before.

The Father fell in love with her all over again. And he understood what the metaphor of the wheel of Karma really symbolizes and what it means to stop the wheel.

Karma, in the original Buddhist scriptures, is a blind machine; in fact, it is functionally identical with the scientific concept of natural law. Sentimental ethical ideas about justice being built into the machine, so that those who do evil in one life are punished for it in another life, were added later by theologians reasoning from their own moralistic prejudices. Buddha simply indicated that all the cruelties and injustices of the past are still active: their effects are always being felt. Similarly, he explained, all the good of the past, all the kindness and patience and love of decent people is also still being felt.
Since most humans are still controlled by fairly robotic reflexes, the bad energy of the past far outweighs the good, and the tendency of the wheel is to keep moving in the same terrible direction, violence breeding more violence, hatred breeding more hatred, war breeding more war. The only way to "stop the wheel" is to stop it inside yourself, by giving up bad energy and concentrating on the positive. This is by no means easy, but once you understand what Gurdjieff called "the horror of our situation," you have no choice but to try, and to keep on trying.

And Luna, at 13, understood this far better than I did, at 43, with all my erudition and philosophy.... I still regarded her absolute vegetarianism and pacifism as sentimentality.

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