posted April 30, 2007 04:00 PM         

- Eckert Tolle in "Stillness Speaks"

That's what I've been talking about.
Thank you, Eckert.

posted April 30, 2007 06:36 PM         

"Love is the answer, and you know that for sure."

posted May 01, 2007 04:24 PM         

HSC your talents are too great to be wasted on drugs. As someone who has used them in the past, I know that they create a false reality, a plastic enlightenment. The realizations and revelations that can be made through meditation, fasting, prayer, devoted good works, are far greater than can be achieved by any chemical substance.

You should be applying your intellect towards some high minded goal, wehther it be creative, artistic, scientific. Someone like you should be focusing your energies on a goal that betters humanity and yourself. It deeply frustrates me to see scorpionic energy like this going to waste.

posted May 01, 2007 08:29 PM         

I appreciate your intention more than your sentiments. You are repeating what one of the voices in my head says to me all the time. And repetition works, right? I mean, "All work and no play makes jack a dull boy..." Perhaps your words will encourage me to think thrice next time.

BLAH.....

I dont know what else to say to you. Obviously, this is a very personal issue, but I have also opened my personal demons up to public scrutiny here, so,...

Anyway,...

You know how fatalistic my philosophy can be. When you speak of Kurt getting a hold of his demons, part of me just wants to object, "And what if Kurt had been a Capricorn w/ a Taurus Moon and Jupiter in the 1st house, instead of a Pisces w/ a Cancer Moon and Uranus and Pluto conjunct the Ascendant." In other words, if he had gotten a hold of his demons, he probably wouldnt have been Kurt Cobain. The demon is also the daemon, isnt it? That conflict is productive to the extent that it is irreconcilable, right? Nietzsche got on the fast track to insanity the moment he discovered his genius, didnt he? You can't go as fast as he went without the brakes failing, can you? Thats just it.

And do you think Kurt didnt put up a fight? Do you think his whole life was not a battle, the likes of which you or I cannot begin to imagine? It was. Most people can withdraw their hand the instant it touches the flame (and then go around advising others to do the same), but his body was staked to the fire. And everyone shouting, "Come down from there. If you are a man, come down from the stake!" You know not what you do. We are in no position to judge him. Sure, you can say it would be great if he lived happily ever after. But thats not realistic. He wasnt the type. For one thing, he wouldnt have written music half as good as he did. And he wouldnt have been happy with that. I have a lot of empathy for that man. I love him for who he was, not for who he might have been in your fantasy world. I love the music he left me. And you know what? It wouldn't shine with the integrity it shines with, if he had gone on to make a bunch of well-adjusted Nivana Lite.

Anyway....

However it may appear, the voice of responsibility doesnt leave me. It haunts me every waking hour. I'm not proud of my life, but, to tell the truth, yeah, I guess I'm a little proud of myself for not being entirely crushed and obliterated under my friggin' HUGE sense of responsibility. I think somebody owes me a medal for not blowing my brains out. So, where's my medal? No meadl? How about a girlfriend? No? A mushroom trip then. Throw me a bone here! You can judge that, if you are so disposed, but nobody really knows what it is like for me. You don't know how heavy my world is, or how light; how consequential, how inconsequential. I wanted to be the Christ. Do you have any idea what I am talking about? I wanted to be the Christ. Now I would settle for a chill girlfriend. And, until I find her, I'm probably going to smoke and trip my brains out, because I'm f-cking sad. I'm sad and my mommy didnt love me enough, and so on, and so forth. Leave me alone. Where are you going?! Hold me. Don't touch me.

blah

"[Often, the man who appears to make no progress in the outer world,
may be making inner progress at breakneck speed.]"
- Little Siggy Freud

Sorry if i sound impolite...
I like you, Blue Roamer.

Blue Roamer
Blue Roamer
Sag Sun, Scorp Moon

whats your ascendant anyway?

posted May 01, 2007 09:57 PM         

I wanted to be Christ too, but it's not possible. I'd also settle for a decent companion. Sometimes scorpionic intensity can be highly repellent to the opposite sex. How the hell is a gemini with libra moon supposed to deal with us?

I'm not saying the Cobain should have mastered his demons, but that doesn't mean he had to commit suicide. Are you saying if he hadn't committed suicide he woudln't have been the same person, and therefore wouldn't have been a genius?

I believe your original post may have been you subconsciously searching for a father like figure to correct you. "Oh dear lindaland I've been bad, please someone materialize as a father figure and admonish me." Perhaps you are just trying to tell us you are feeling lonely, or were looking for someone who had shared a similar experience. But I think you were looking for daddy to come in and say, now HSC *waves finger*

And I don't think by that quote, Freud meant through use of psychotropic drugs. ALthough I guess you could try to extend his logic to include that.

posted May 01, 2007 10:06 PM         

Admonishment, tough love, etc. -
Never worked for me.

It just pushes me deeper into myself.

I need tenderness.
I need attention in the worst way.

I'm glad and sad to hear that you can understand.
I also have a Cap Ascendant (square pluto in the 9th),
and i think that has a lot to do with what i've discussed.
I also have Neptune/Venus/Mars/Ascendant all in the same degree of declination
(i.e. "Parallel").
And cant forget the Pisces South Node.
Gotta love it!

"Are you saying if he hadn't committed suicide he woudln't have been the same person, and therefore wouldn't have been a genius?"

I'm saying he reached his breaking point.
He had gone as far as he could go without going completely mad.
Some people go mad.
Some go bang.

posted May 01, 2007 10:17 PM         

I'm glad that you aren't going to blow your brains out. And I know how hard it is being a scorpio, I am related to, and have several close friends of that sign. They have a tough time, but they're so human it makes me want to cry.

posted May 01, 2007 10:21 PM         

i like what you said, they are so human

yes yes yes

and i love them

i love all scorpios everywhere

yes yes

and all moon scorpios and ascendant scorpios

and all plutonians everywhere

you poor sick ******** you

i love you all.

and there's nothing you can do about it

posted May 01, 2007 10:24 PM         

he's okay he's okay

I'm sorry he's sad.

Give him a hug from steve.

posted May 02, 2007 04:34 AM         

Regarding the "it's so hard being me" tendency, my understanding is that the point is to overcome the horoscope rather than wallow in it. Horoscopes are a stepping stone. This I-have-such-and-such-placement-and-therefore-am-condemned-to-a-life-of-so-forth is so unproductive.

posted May 02, 2007 05:59 AM         

In "The Power of Now" he addresses "Christ" conciousness and differentiates it from Being. The "Christ" is and is everywhere Now, including in you. "Being" is the "Christ" made aware of itself and, consequently, of the eternal Now which is timelessness.

My point is you can spend a lifetime looking for answers everywhere and not find them because they are right there, in you and around you, where no one would think to look or would recognize the simplicity of it all.

posted May 02, 2007 07:08 AM         

quote:

---

"If her past were your past, her pain your pain, her level of consciousness your level of consciousness, you would think and act exactly as she does. With this realization comes forgiveness, compassion, peace."

---

I completely reject this school of thought.
"if" is a no-man's land.....it is completely barren and no one lives there...

Her past can never be my past.... her pain can never be my pain, her level of consciousness is never gonna be my level of consciousness...

Forgiveness, compassion and peace will come from the realization that I can never know her past, I can never feel her pain, I dont know wht she is thinking... so I am unable to judge her from my place..

posted May 02, 2007 11:14 AM         

I'm glad you brought that up. Most people can appreciate the profundity of a physical affliction, even if they find it easy to dismiss psychological conditions as "transcendable" (despite the fact that, as Einstein points out, "A problem cannot be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it", and the ability to transcend one's present psychological condition is dependent on circumstances surrounding the natural progression of that condition). But I believe very strongly that Kurt's stomach (Cancer Moon) and intestinal problems (Virgo Ascendant/Pluto/Uranus) had their source in his profound emotional sensitivity. It is widely accepted, especially outside of the cult of Western Medicine, that emotional problems frequently manifest in physical symptoms, and that one of the most likely places in the body to be affected, if not the most likely, is the digestive system. I do know that, when I was going through my worst periods of depression, I was plagued by some of the most horrible stomach pains and constipation I've ever experienced, - and that, on a daily basis. Its true, I never turned to heroin for this, but, then, I don't pretend to compare the degree of my suffering with Kurt's; only the nature of it.

I like Rimbaud, too.

My friends read Sedaris,
but my own taste in books is almost entirely anachronistic.