posted May 22, 2007 12:18 PM         

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands
and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope
with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and
you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I
knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos,
tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion... Dad she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods
and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of
having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt
anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people
that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray
that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She
deserves it.

Don't worry Dad....I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday
I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your
grandchildren.

Love,

Your son John

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report
card that's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home.