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Author
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Topic: Is monogomy natural?
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ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 3844
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted May 28, 2007 04:03 PM
 
Ok, how's this for a controversial & potentially flammable subject?   I'm just curious to know other people's thoughts. Let's all throw our different philosophies into the pot and watch it bubble!  This is interesting. I can't help it- just my curious  nature. My own two cents on the subject..... After much reflection on the matter.....my answer would be: Yes, I think, in a way it is- it is natural. It is beneficial to the human race when it comes to raising children, etc (and I come from a one parent family- nothing against that, I'm just saying IDEALLY). Secondly, very few of us can be totally beyond insecurity- the idea of real 'free love' is a bit too Utopian, for my liking. And what would happen if it led to your partner finding someone more intriguing, eventually....surely it would make he threat of competition stronger? If it is just about free sex as opposed to free love, why not spice things up by using the power of your imaginations?
As for condoms, well even these aren't safe- a bit over-rated if you ask me- a friend of mine got pregnant when they were using one. What about the threat of sexual diseases? (Just look at what happened to Jim Morrison- he had penile cancer in his later years). These are all the things which make monogamy make sense to me. I think that we're living in quite a confused era though. I was listening to the words to that singer's song, who was a waitress today on GMTV....the one who sang for George Clooney and Brad Pitt at Cannes...and I think that the song is right- "what ever happened to romance?" and also "I think they've done something funny to love".
"oh why-why-why
didn't you touch my hand
and say...Goober, I understand?
why didn't you stop me- why couldn't you guess
that it was this Permissive Aquarius Age I was fighting- not you- not even her- why couldn't you see
that my rage had absolutely nothing to do..with you
or with me?" Canto Sixteen, page 629- Gooberz IP: Logged |
cat71
Knowflake Posts: 926
From: Neverland...
Registered: May 2002
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posted May 28, 2007 05:33 PM
Hey ho LTT!  Well, Monogamy is natural for me! I have never been nor ever will be unfaithful or a swinger! I agree with all your points, particularly with regard to safe sex. For me sexual relationships are only possible in an emotionally secure environment, and when I have a man I have to believe he is only with me - the second there is any doubt in my mind, the relationship is over! This is going to sound very self-righteous of me, but I think people who sleep around alot or cannot stay faithful, have no self control. We all like to look and appreciate beauty but that doesn't mean we have an obligation to 'sleep' with the person. I think this sort of behaviour diminishes love and romance... Even in my fantasies a damn good kiss is more of a turn on for me then the thought of exchanging bodily fluids I'm just an old fashioned girl IP: Logged |
aqua inferno
Knowflake Posts: 1106
From: hopping about Europe
Registered: Oct 2006
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posted May 28, 2007 05:36 PM
It depends on the individual. Some people are happy not having it - nuns for example  For me it feels natural, a tad boring, but natural. ------------------
aqua as in water ;-)
"I'm burning, I'm hungry...Angry cuz she don't love me...You got me completely
In my own game you beat me"
<3333 water sign boys ;D IP: Logged |
Xodian
Moderator Posts: 1699
From: Canada
Registered: Dec 2006
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posted May 28, 2007 05:45 PM
Well taking aside all the talk about soul mates and such  ...Sure monogamy is good as long as a person keeps in mind that a partnership means mutual benifit. True happiness in a partnership comes through mutual benifit (may it be financial, emotional, or just simply erotic fulfillment, etc.) Few people are ever happy under the "dominant/submissive" relationship (I said few... not all ) since in such relationships, one partner ends up retaining his/her identity where as the other begins to lose his/hers. In such a situation, monogomy can quickly turn into a life-sentence and thus leads to divorce (just one of many reasons.) Instinctivly, we are ment to move on from mate to mate, but circumstances draw us togather to monogomy (The Wolf paring for instance shows great deal of loyalty towards their mates and usually raise the cubs togather yet they still manage to retain their sense of individualism.) This IMO is the pinnical point of a relationship; If both mates allow themselves to be individuals yet still be able to live togather and raise a family in harmony, then yes... Monogamy can work. IP: Logged |
Mirandee
Knowflake Posts: 4812
From: South of the Thumb - Taurus, Pisces, Cancer
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted May 28, 2007 06:06 PM
LOL, Xodian. What you said about " a lifetime sentence " reminds me of my youngest son. He is a self-professed lifetime bachelor. He seems to think that marriage is a life time sentence. He bases it on all of his friends who have gotten married and now have a kid or two. He says they have to have permission to leave the house. Basically he says, " women are too bossy." LOL Monogomy has worked well for myself and my husband. It may be boring at times but I think that even being single and dating gets boring at times too. What we do repetiously gets boring from time to time no matter what it is. I am an "old fashioned girl" too, cat71. So I agree with all that you said. You too, Xodian. Except for the part where you said we are instinctively meant to move on from mate to mate. I don't agree about that. The cavemen did that but then they were just this side of being gorillas. Hopefully most of us have evolved way beyond that period. IP: Logged |
Xodian
Moderator Posts: 1699
From: Canada
Registered: Dec 2006
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posted May 28, 2007 06:20 PM
Well as much as soceity would like to cling to the uber-stupid notion that bachelors are sloppy bums, its wayyy far from the truth . Quite a few bachelors now-a-days are successful, solid-footed homeowners with covertables in their garages Lol! They just choose NOT to be monogomous yet indulge in casual romances from time to time .As much as the idea may not go so well with some people, the current generation really has no problem with the idea since both men and women are too focused on enriching their own lives as well as try to experience life's little pleasures Lol! As long as both partners know that its not a long term commitment, I don't see any problem with the idea. And actually, instictivly we ARE nomadic mates Mirandee, like it or not. However as I said, mutual benifits end up drawing us close to each other and thus leading to monogamy. IP: Logged |
cat71
Knowflake Posts: 926
From: Neverland...
Registered: May 2002
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posted May 28, 2007 06:22 PM
Xodian - I agree with your comments on individualism, I'm not clingy, but that is why trust is so important to me. If I feel I trust my partner he can go off with his mates to mount everest for a year if that's his desire... however trust for me is like a fine crystal glass, once it's cracked it will never be perfect again no matter what you do... and eventually it will shatter into a million pieces  No I'm not cynical, but yes, I have been hurt by a partner's sexual permissiveness. I think if someone's not attached and wants to sleep around, take the precautions and go ahead, but make sure the partner's are aware and don't play with other people's hearts. (BTW I'm not directing this at anyone personally - it's a generalised comment ) Mirandee -  I've been in the long term relationship and yeah there is that sense that day to day life can lose some of it's excitement but there's also nothing better, IMO then looking across a crowded room and catching your partner's eye and knowing exactly what they are thinking  IP: Logged |
Xodian
Moderator Posts: 1699
From: Canada
Registered: Dec 2006
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posted May 28, 2007 07:45 PM
quote:
No I'm not cynical, but yes, I have been hurt by a partner's sexual permissiveness. I think if someone's not attached and wants to sleep around, take the precautions and go ahead, but make sure the partner's are aware and don't play with other people's hearts.
*Points to his post above.* I would have said great minds think alike but I think thats gonna be wayyy too egotistical (even for me Lol!) IP: Logged |
cat71
Knowflake Posts: 926
From: Neverland...
Registered: May 2002
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posted May 28, 2007 07:50 PM
Xodian - think we must've been typing at the same time On a side note - my mum always says "Great minds think alike; Fools seldom differ"
Don't you just love mum's and their sayings?! IP: Logged |
Xodian
Moderator Posts: 1699
From: Canada
Registered: Dec 2006
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posted May 28, 2007 07:57 PM
Well right now, my mom is curious as to when I am gonna settle down with a "Nice Italian/Middle Eastern girl" Lol!Gosh... I miss my parents; Haven't seen them in 5 years... I love my mom to bits but she also knows that she raised a very freedom-loving son and he ain't gonna be settling down anytime soon . IP: Logged |
cat71
Knowflake Posts: 926
From: Neverland...
Registered: May 2002
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posted May 28, 2007 08:03 PM
Is your mum an Aquarian - my mum is, and still waiting for her daughter to 'settle down'... So am I! I haven't seen my parents in 2 years, they live in Australia and I'm currently in UK - I miss them too IP: Logged |
Dulce Luna
Knowflake Posts: 4598
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted May 28, 2007 10:43 PM
Well I don't feel like arguing about this for ten days straight so I'll just say that for me, monogamy is natural. I don't see it any other way for me as I need to gain a person't trust and there is no way that could happen for me in an open relationship. Its interesting,cute, and quite wonderful to note that penguins are very monagomous creatures....along with alot of other birds species. There's a bird couple that comes to the tree in my mom's yard every spring. Like Aqua Inferno said, it depends on the person. Some people like it, some people don't. There are some that easily say monogamy is boring but I could just as easily say that casual dating is boring too in a way because you have to spend time with people your not even that into (now that is a death sentence to me). IP: Logged |
ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 3844
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted May 29, 2007 03:20 AM
I think it's a matter of finding someone who's energies blend well with our own AS WELL as being able to have trust, honesty and loyalty.Oh, I thought of one more point to bring up (well, actually my partner did when I mentioned I was writing a topic on monogamy!)- 'It also prevents people's hearts being broken'. IP: Logged |
BlueRoamer
Knowflake Posts: 3944
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003
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posted May 29, 2007 03:45 AM
Monogamy is a worthwhile sacrifice to make in exchange for not being lonely all the time.IP: Logged |
lalalinda
Moderator Posts: 3291
From: nevada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted May 29, 2007 04:55 AM
monogomy? good question
maybe women more so than men.
or untill you get to the "grass is always greener" part I started out wanting monogamy
but it felt to much like restriction  I do respect marriage though and I always think people that are able to find their other half are truly blessed. IP: Logged |
ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 3844
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted May 29, 2007 06:39 AM
Sacrifice? Is it really a sacrifice? I think that is all down to perspective. If it feels like a sacrifice then perhaps One is with the wrong One! 
Grass greener? Yeah, there are Times when it feels like that. But growing, evolving, resolving- it's hard work but truly rewarding.
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Xodian
Moderator Posts: 1699
From: Canada
Registered: Dec 2006
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posted May 29, 2007 09:37 AM
cat71:Aries actually . Hence the whole "individualistic" appoach to life Lol! Dulce: quote:
I could just as easily say that casual dating is boring too in a way because you have to spend time with people your not even that into (now that is a death sentence to me).
You really have to explain this to me because I can't see the boring part in this. In what way is meething new people and getting to know them more intimately boring? IP: Logged |
Dulce Luna
Knowflake Posts: 4598
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted May 29, 2007 10:26 AM
quote:
You really have to explain this to me because I can't see the boring part in this. In what way is meething new people and getting to know them more intimately boring?
Well, first let me clarify that that was a subjective statement;ie. it was my own sentiment on the matter. . Now, where do I find the boring side of casual dating? I thought I already stated that: why spend time intimately with people your not even that into? Why not get to know them first to see whether or not you are that into them? Or only date the person if you want them on first site?(which happens) Because I believe if you were really that into the person it wouldn't be casual in the first place. I just feel like casual dating is to date new people for sake of dating people, and not dating people because you actually want to spend time with them as a person. That's why I think its pointless. Anyways, hypothetically speaking, I'm just the type of person who has to be really into someone before I date them, otherwise we stay friends,aquaintances, or whatever we were when I met them. If I want to meet new people, that's what nightclubs,parties,social events,get-togethers, school,work,etc. are for... IP: Logged |
fayte.m
Knowflake Posts: 9809
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat. fayte1954@hotmail.com
Registered: Mar 2005
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posted May 29, 2007 11:54 AM
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/001917.html ------------------
~Judgement Must Be Balanced With Compassion~
~Do Not Seek Wealth From The Suffering, Or The Dire Needs Of Others~
~Assumption Is The Bane Of Understanding~
}><}}}(*> <*){{{><{
~~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~
~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ IP: Logged |
Xodian
Moderator Posts: 1699
From: Canada
Registered: Dec 2006
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posted May 29, 2007 12:43 PM
Dulce:You're jumping to conclusions wayyy too fast . I am assuming you haven't had much experience with casual dating have you? Lol! As much as people would like to believe that casual dating = those one min. dating cafes, they are sadly mistaken. Casual dating usually is an icebreaker; A chance to get to know one another a bit more; It doesn't mean getting laid at the end of the night. The whole idea of a casual date is to get comfortable around the person and well isn't that what you're arguing for? IP: Logged |
lotusheartone
Knowflake Posts: 238
From: MOther & Father GOd
Registered: Feb 2008
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posted May 29, 2007 12:55 PM
unfortunately, casual dating causes you to get your hopes up, could this be the One?
There's karma involved, using people, is using people, you get what you give.
More More More, comes to Mind, when is anything enough?
Linda died alone, waiting, it was better for her to do that, then to use someone out of lonliness, she did not gather more karma, in this manner.
When you meet the One, you will just know, and you will wait!
You can make new friends, dating is something else, where expectations play a role. A game, the dating Game.
Personally I think it's a waste of time, the grass in not greener on the other side, it's what you make of it. You can make as many excuses as you like, it doesn't change the fact that it's wrong to use people, if you are not truly in LOve with them. It's bad karma, plain and simple!My opinion  LOve and Reverence to ALL. ... IP: Logged |
Xodian
Moderator Posts: 1699
From: Canada
Registered: Dec 2006
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posted May 29, 2007 03:09 PM
Again you are putting the assumption that casual daters are decieving one another. As I said before, if you have the intention of being involved in a short-term relationship, just tell your partner from the start. Offcourse your partner has the right to know; I have emphisized that God knows how many times. Some people just go on a casual date to just have a good time; Nothing too serious . IP: Logged |
lotusheartone
Knowflake Posts: 238
From: MOther & Father GOd
Registered: Feb 2008
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posted May 29, 2007 03:15 PM
Xodian, I was young once, and I'll tell you from experience, that most woman will go along with the idea, but will still have hopes of winning you over, they deceive themselves!IP: Logged |
taurus/gemini cusp
Knowflake Posts: 647
From: London, England
Registered: Sep 2006
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posted May 29, 2007 04:29 PM
There's no such thing as human nature - just human habit!IP: Logged |
The Mutable Night Force
Knowflake Posts: 1451
From: England
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted May 29, 2007 05:12 PM
Hmmmm....
Doesn't monogamy, at least in the animal world, mean staying with another man/woman, fish, sealion, zebra for the rest of your life?
But when people think of polygomy in humans we think swingers, crazy party animals and sex fiends ?
For humans I reckon it's natural to stay with one person at a time, but not necessarily for the rest of your life.Is that what everyone else meant too? IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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