posted June 06, 2007 12:11 PM         

I laugh out loud, hoping it would hide the guilty blush on my face. Unstable is a harsh word but yes, women can be quite unpredictable. But so is life, so is weight, so are hormone levels and menstrual cycles. If only every man knew that 85% of women are in constant discomfort due to a wrong sized bra, yet expected to be both professionally successful and have their first child before 30 and, according to the Durex Global Sexual Wellbeing Survey, are half as likely to experience an orgasm as compared to men, perhaps it wouldn't be so harsh on the female affinity to indecision. This affinity is made worse by the law of averages.

On an average, most of the men one comes across are a little better or worse than average, i.e. ranging from 3.5 to 6.5 on a scale of 10. The paws of a handicapped dog are enough to count the number of attractive men one comes across during a day. If a male was drop-dead gorgeous or repulsive, the future course would have been simple. Problems arise when the man is just "cute" or "not bad". For, a "not sure" or "let's see" can turn into "oh yes" in a woman's mind if things go right. If things go wrong, women become "unpredictable".

In three words, what separates the new-age girl from her grandmother, is "choices, choices, choices." If liberalisation forced local industries to pull up their socks, it has done the same for Indian men. Gone are the days when women showed gratitude for the flocks of obscene chest hair and knee-jerk interest bestowed on them, or silently endured the taste of biryani mixed with beer.

Living, travelling or studying abroad is no longer the only way to experience other cultures. Foreigners these days are as easily available in metros as foreign brands. If Indian men want to continue enjoying the pleasures their forefathers took for granted, understanding the female psyche could be a potent weapon against increasing competition. The male confusion over modern Indian woman is understandable but not intractable. If he is willing to understand and respect her needs, her behaviour doesn't seem unpredictable anymore.

The trick of 'scoring' today lies in the equilibrium between action and inaction, pursuing and being pursued, self-promotion and humility. Flirting in a self-assured way is a huge asset. Holding the glance can be attractive, but staring wide-eyed and wide-mouthed is vulgar. Confidence is charming but coming across as opinionated, arrogant or fond of your own voice is not. Pulling others down isn't funny, nor is your opinion on the SEZs particularly informative. Working for an MNC or doing summer school in Harvard would've made the difference in a shaadi.com application. But in a bar, you are only as good as the next in line.

"I recently had two IIM graduates hit on me and it was a disaster. They seemed to follow a four-point agenda of work, gym, socialise and get laid. They were so aggressive, it put me off completely," complains Nazia, a 24-year-old teacher. Aggressive marketing implies all things women hate in a man - horny, needy, desperate. Not that women aren't, but no one likes it thrown in their face, that's all.

More Indian women have body issues than would like to admit, racially predisposed to child-bearing hips, a belly big enough to survive the Bengal famine twice over and the body hair of a truck driver, all in an age where lanky-smooth is in. Whatever happens, never comment on any of the above. When cornered with the dreaded "do I look fat in this dress?" or "are my hips jutting out?" blindly seek refuge in the oblique, "you look fine". A little affirmation goes further than expected; it makes you agreeable to have around, especially on a bad day.

Another female reality that remains a mystery to the male mind is PMS-ing. Compounded by a stressful lifestyle, excessive caffeine, nicotine and lack of exercise, PMS could last up to two weeks in some cases. If the lady comes across as unreasonably moody, aggressive, problematic and crying for no reason, chances are she is suffering from Pre-Menstrual Syndrome. If only men were fully aware of the dark and destructive powers of PMS, perhaps many disasters could've been averted. Not to say the fairer sex is all about making demands, refusing to accommodate.

Over the centuries, the woman has learnt to take subjugation, corsets, high heels and male egos in her stride. These days men are as vulnerable to performance anxiety as premature baldness and dry lips. Constructive criticism in the bedroom if not articulated diplomatically could lead to irreversible damage to the male ego. If a man feels like Genghis Khan, even for a night, the credit must equally go to the ladylove who eased his anxieties and gave him the impression there was a conquest.

Women have always concentrated on reassuring their men in bed. And that good deed deserves another - understanding the female orgasm. Porn and even Hollywood films have propagated the belief that women get an orgasm every time they have sex, and you know they're getting one by their screams. If only it were true, the ladies compartment during rush hour wouldn't be the scene of aggression and violence it usually is. To repeat a point, even though nature has bestowed the gift of multiple orgasms on women, they are half as likely to experience one than men. If this isn't unjust, what is?

For most women, fulfilment is more than the physical. That probably explains why more hot women date ugly guys than hot men date ugly women. For a woman, love must appeal to the imagination as much as primal nature. It must be chemistry, psychology, dialectics, yoga and intimacy. Few things make one weak-kneed like the silent gaze of a loved one. An utterly pointlessly sweet SMS could bring a smile amidst even PMS. Making a note of the new release she is looking forward to or the amount of sugar she takes in her tea shows you pay attention. Lingering in bed doing nothing, even after satiation, speaks of your character.

Interesting one-night stands, meaningful flings are what daydreams are made of; commitment and dirty talk are what full-fledged dreams are made of.

Tired of time-and-energy-draining relationships, 26-year-old Nalini sought irresponsible fun instead. Not satisfied with just one, she went through many men in a matter of months. "It is such a breath of fresh air. To enjoy and not think about the future". But, "at the cost of sounding like a total chick," she says reproaching herself, "I miss phone calls first thing in the morning, last thing at night. I miss the intimacy and fuss of relationships."

Loneliness is a monster. We all want to feel special, enjoy intimacy, if only for a night under intoxication. Maybe Nalini should meet Dhruv who is in search of the self-assured woman. On second thought, maybe not. Confusions and indecisions are natural when intoxication wears off.

posted June 06, 2007 04:51 PM         

quote:

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To repeat a point, even though nature has bestowed the gift of multiple orgasms on women, they are half as likely to experience one than men. If this isn't unjust, what is?

---

How about the fact that a single female orgasm is approximately equivalent to ten or more male orgasms, so that most men cannot experience that kind of pleasure without mainlining black tar heroin, or cultivating their sexual energy through years of esoteric exercises?

Or, how about the fact that, according to Taoist sex gurus, women have an unlimited supply of sexual energy, while men have to rebuild their jing after every busted nut?

Is that justice?

posted June 07, 2007 11:05 AM         

Don't give me the 'you chose to have kids, someone else would've'...argument...
on a purely biological level, I give birth, as a female.

posted June 07, 2007 06:05 PM         

In that respect, women do have the advantage... but nature also put us through all the pain and hassle to have that little bit of advantage. Personally, I would rather trade it off - you can have the childbirth and I can go without the monthly episodes.

MM

posted June 07, 2007 10:37 PM         

quote:

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I actually don't mind my period at all lol It's funny that HSC, you put it as 'bleeding out of privates" which it *is* lol.. but it doesn't feel negative or weird to me.. I actually feel much calmer when I have my period, really relaxed.. and I've never had bad pms so ya I like it.. I feel more in tune with everything - like I suddenly love everyone, even my 'enemies' it's quite funny.. I guess that's what being stoned would feel like lol It must be the loss of blood, that makes one feel a bit light headed. It feels spiritually cleansing. I actually feel bad in a way, that guys can’t experience it.. because it feels deep to me.. and it’s interesting that it’s in tune with moon phases.

---

Lucky biatch, you. I'm like a bigger emotional sponge than usual when my time of the month comes;ie. I want everyone to leave me alone.

posted June 07, 2007 10:48 PM         

Illustration from Healing Wise
by Durga Bernhard

In the beginning, according to the Wise Woman tradition, everything began, as everything does, at birth. The Great Mother of All gave birth and the earth appeared out of the void. Then the Great Mother of All gave birth again, and again, and again, and people, and animals, and plants appeared on the earth. They were all very hungry. "What shall we eat?" they asked the Great Mother. "Now you eat me," she said, smiling. Soon there were a very great many lives, but the Great Mother of All was enjoying creating and giving birth so much that she didn't want to stop. "Ah," she said smiling, "now I eat you." And so she still does.

We all come from the same mother. She is the wise woman. We all return to her embrace, her bloody-rich womb place, when we die. Every woman is a whole/holy form of her, able to be whole/holy mother of all life, able to be whole/holy destroyer of life. Her power is her blood that flows and flows, her blood which is life and gives life. Every woman's menstrual blood and birth-time blood is a holy mystery.

What are the blood mysteries? Why are they central to the understanding of the Wise Woman tradition.

Blood mysteries teach that menstrual blood and birthing blood are holy blood, power blood, healing blood. The blood mysteries teach us to remember that life and healing come from and return to woman, to the wise woman, to the woman who bleeds and bleeds. And does not die.

Blood mysteries reveal that menstrual (moontime) blood and birth blood are so holy, so full of potential, so full of the void, that they are to be used only to heal, to heal by nourishing. Holy woman-blood is nourishing blood, blood of love, blood of abundance, blood that heals the earth.

Blood mysteries recall the immense power of the bleeding woman. Power enough to share in great nourishing give-away from mother to matrix, give-away of nourisher to nourisher. When we bleed into the ground (in reality or fantasy) our power regrounds as our blood flows through the personal root chakra and into the earth.

Bleeding into the ground, bleeding freely, we know ourselves as women, as nourishers of life, as givers of nourishment to the plants, givers of holy nourishment: our moontime blood.

I am woman giving away nourishment to ensure this planet's life. With my moontime power, my blood, with my birthing power, my blood, I feed the earth who feeds us all. Every month I remember: I am woman. I am earth. I am life. I am nourishment. I am change.

I am woman, blatantly and repeatedly confronted with my changes: hormonal harmonics stirring moon time visions, ovulatory oracles, pre-menstrual crazies, orgasmic knowings, birth ecstasies, breast-feeding bliss, menopausal moods.

I am wholeness. I am woman. I know life, death, pain, and health in my marrow, in my womb. I know the bloody places: the narrow space between life and death, the bloody place of birth, the bloody mess of nourishing life, the bloody flow of letting life go. I am woman. My blood is power. Peaceful power. Peaceful blood.

My blood is holy nourishment. My blood nourishes the growing fetus. My blood becomes milk to nourish the young child. My blood flows into the ground as holy nourishment for the Great Mother, Gaia, Mother Earth.

Gaia, whose ways are bloody. Woman, whose ways are bloody. Blood of nourishment. But bloody. Bloody menstrual blood, bloody birth blood. Blood of peace, nourishing blood. Blood of health/wholeness/holiness, not of sacrifice. The Wise Woman tradition is a bloody-handed woman, a bloody-thighed woman, a woman who gives birth, a woman who sees to the other side of things.

Health/wholeness/holiness is always changing. Life is mysterious, moving in spirals of change. Spirals moving to, through, from the void. Change making the hole so we can see the holy healthy gift of our wholeness.

"Sit, sister, here on the soft green moss, and give your sacred moon blood to the earth, back again to the spiral of life. Let flow your womb's blood red to the green and brown of earth. Sit here. Relax and close your eyes and let the visions come. Rest now and give your moon blood to nourish the mother who nourishes us. Relax and let the visions come."

The time of menstrual bleeding, according to the Wise Woman tradition, is a time of visions. Any woman who pays attention to these visions will find the power of shamans, witch doctors, medicine wo/men.

"Add a bit of red leaf to your herbal mixtures, any red leaf except poison ivy. That will make the medicine strong," says a friend, apprentice to a Native American shaman. And the wise woman inside me whispers: "They do this to evoke the power of menstrual blood."

These are the natural powers of menstruating, menopausal, and post-menopausal women:

* Oneness with the earth as a responsive nurturing presence
* Communication with plants, animals, rocks
* Weather making
* Shape shifting
* Invisibility
* Communication with fairies, devas, elves, dragons, unicorns
* Foreknowledge
* Acutely sensitive senses of smell, taste, hearing, sight, touch
* Healing

The Wise Woman tradition understands healing/wholing as blood mysteries. The blood of birth and death, and the blood of nourishment, these are the natural knowledge of women, these are the things that make us wise.

posted June 08, 2007 09:25 AM         

quote:

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The point is HSC,
YOU can choose to have kids any day,
without having to go through childbirth.

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So can you. It's called adoption,
and its the only intelligent and compassionate choice to make.

posted June 08, 2007 09:34 AM         

With the population problem the way it is these days,
a woman does more for the survival of the species by NOT giving birth.

In any case,
I dont necessarily see the survival of our species as a good thing.

There is no end of souls incarnating, here or anywhere.

By mammalian birth or spontaneous manifestation,
nature finds a way.

posted June 08, 2007 10:04 AM         

quote:

---

So can you. It's called adoption,
and its the only intelligent and compassionate choice to make.

---

posted June 08, 2007 10:18 AM         

Maybe thats the whole point!!!

Maybe more so!!!

It's in the words " CHILDREN OF THE WORLD "!!! " CHILDREN OF THE FUTURE "!!!!

Some really " HIGHLY ADVENCED SOULS " coming in at this point!!!

With programming already in tact, you can't even teach these children because they already know more then you & I.

We can only guide & nurture these ONES!!!

How do you know that they're not going to save our sorry A&&es !!!!LOL!!!

No one gets to decide which way things go or happen in the pecking order!!!

Now do they???????

posted June 08, 2007 10:48 AM         

But if they want a baby I don't think that's an 'unintelligent' choice.. I mean at the end of the day there are no unintelligent choices.. whatever is meant to happen will.. Whether the species dies out or not.. it feels out of our hands.. and whichever way it goes, I’m sure it’s for the best.. but for the time being, while living in the moment.. people should do what feels right to them deep down.. They shouldn't go against their intuition. If a couple feels like the best thing in the world for them is to have a baby.. like that's a step they *need* to take.. then I guess that's something that *needs* to happen.. for one reason or another.. maybe the baby will do something important that leads to something else etc.. chain reaction..

posted June 08, 2007 01:24 PM         

ah, well nothing about the orgasm , i am ok the way i am . but yeah , given a chance i would love to experience what a woman goes through during childbirth .

see, whatever , we men say , we can never compare ourselves with woman in certain ways ( in ways that nature favoured her ) one of the ways is her childbirth giving ability .

what we as men know of it ?
the fact is , nothing !

and i am not in awe of women .i simply take them as equals . nothing more -nothing less !

:::With the population problem the way it is these days,
a woman does more for the survival of the species by NOT giving birth.

:::

i dont get your logic HSC .
are you talking of the world population , if thats so , earth can easily support a lot more people than it does today .

and well ,this is coming from a citizen of the second most populated country in the world ( and i promise , the men and women here are working overtime to make ourselve the 'first ' )

:::Bloody hell! The taste of Biryani mixed with beer??? (yeck):::

hahahah...
didn't you like it ? ever tried it or what ?
i think it would be a fine combination .

reminding of the biryani , last sunday i went to old city (of delhi) and had changezi chicken and biryani .
amzing ! never had anything as such .

posted June 08, 2007 01:31 PM         

:::More Indian women have body issues than would like to admit, racially predisposed to child-bearing hips, a belly big enough to survive the Bengal famine twice over and the body hair of a truck driver, all in an age where lanky-smooth is in. Whatever happens, never comment on any of the above. When cornered with the dreaded "do I look fat in this dress?" or "are my hips jutting out?" blindly seek refuge in the oblique, "you look fine". A little affirmation goes further than expected; it makes you agreeable to have around, especially on a bad day.

:::