posted September 16, 2007 07:07 PM         

From what I've gathered, you appear to prefer a planet that has an average temperature, a lot of gravity, and has a small size. Well my friend, that planet does not exist. I considered sending you to Neptune or Mars, but I've decided the best new home for you is Saturn!

Even with an average temperature of -290 F, Saturn is still cooler than 3 planets, and is amazingly about the same temperature as Mercury is in a few select locations. Of course that's without calculating the windchill from your planet's 1100 mph winds. You may wish to try and live inside the planet (it does have an internal heat source). Make sure to pack a lifetime supply of oxygen before you leave though. Saturn's gravity is relatively similar to Earth's. It's a little stronger though, and you'll probably feel pretty sluggish for the first couple months.

I hope you aren't really keen on birthdays, because there are over 25,000 days in a Saturn year. You'll probably be in a nursing home if you make it to the ripe old age of 3. Your days will fly by though...they are twice as fast as Earth's.

Saturn is a rather large size planet, although its a baby compared to its neighbor Jupiter. Unless you are Jesus, you'll probably have some trouble walking on Saturn. It's not very dense. In fact your new planet will actually float on water. Since Saturn is so massive, there will be many smaller communities throughout your world. I noticed that you want a planet that is more technologically advanced than Saturn will be. It's so big that you will never have the convenience of a company like Walmart taking over your world, and your planet may have many smaller governments competiting against each other. You may wish to organize a supercolony on one of Saturn's moons. My recommendation is Titan... you can even check out the now defunct Huygens probe* (pictures open in new window) that landed there in 2005. Enjoy your new home!

posted September 16, 2007 07:29 PM         

From what I've gathered, you appear to prefer a planet that has an average temperature, is small, and has average gravity. Well my friend, that planet does not exist. After considering Mars, I've decided that the best planet for you is actually Neptune!

You'll probably find Neptune a little bit cold for you. The average temperature of your new home is a frigid -353 F. Of course that's without calculating the windchill from your planet's 900 mph winds. You may wish to try and live inside the planet (it does have an internal heat source). Make sure to pack a lifetime supply of oxygen before you leave though. Fortunately, Neptune's gravity is relatively similar to Earth's. It's a little stronger though, and you'll probably feel pretty sluggish for the first couple months. If I had sent you to Mars, you would have dealt with a gravity half as much as Earth.

I hope you aren't really keen on birthdays, because you'll be lucky to live for just 1/2 of a Neptune year. In fact it hasn't even been a Neptune year since the planet was discovered in 1846.

Neptune is an average size planet. However it could still hold about 80 of our puny Earths. Your planet will be too big to have one government, so plan on having smaller cities and countries. I wouldn't plan on a world of Neptune-Marts in every shopping center, but your planet probably will be at least partially homogenized. Eventually you should become more technologically advanced than your Uranus neighbors, but the smaller Pluto may actually become king of your universal jungle. You'll want to make nice with them. Enjoy your new home!

posted September 16, 2007 08:17 PM         

My Results: Venus!
68% temperature (higher=warmer)
87% gravity(higher=more gravity)
81% for the size of your planet.

From what I've gathered, you appear to prefer a planet that is hot, large, and has lots of gravity. Well my friend, that planet does not exist. I briefly considered sending you to Jupiter (much colder), but in the end I decided that your new home is Venus!

I'm going to be brutally honest with you. Venus is probably the nastiest planet out there. It's atmosphere will poison you, the heat will bake you, and the atmospheric pressure will crush you. But don't let that get you down. Venus has the ultimate Greenhouse Effect going on, and the temperature goes up to 870 F. That's even hotter than Mercury.

Looking for some good news? Well as I said before, it will always be your birthday on Venus. If you are able to survive all of Venus' fierce conditions, you'll might live to 140 Venus years old. Also you'll find that the gravity is about the same as Earth's, although a little bit weaker.

If the news wasn't bad enough, it's about to get worse. Venus is even smaller than Earth, so you can expect some aspects of your new life to be similar to things you probably dislike about Earth. There will be a few major governments that control your new world. Globalization will occur, and McVenus burgers and Venus-Marts will probably be available on every block. I bet you're now wishing I had sent you to frigid Jupiter. Hey, it's not going to be a picnic, but enjoy your new home!

Venus The Godess Of Love

posted September 16, 2007 08:46 PM         

From what I've gathered, you appear to prefer a planet that is hot and small, and has average gravity. You are in luck! I have a great home for you. It may have a bit less gravity than you were expecting, but your new planet is Mercury!

Things will get kind of hot on your new planet as the temperature does go up to 800 F. You'll probably look forward to the cool nights where the temperature dips down to -270F. Each day last a long time though, and you'll probably only live for about 300 of them anyway. So things will probably be comfortable on Mercury for maybe 2 or 3 hours of your life.

Only Pluto has less gravity than your new home. Anybody over 120 pounds on your new planet would probably be morbidly obese. Moving around on your new home will be very easy at first, but if you try to visit some friends on nearby Venus you'll be too weak to even stand up there. Don't be surprised if you notice that people start to grow bigger on Mercury too.

posted September 16, 2007 09:12 PM         

From what I've gathered, you appear to prefer a planet that is hot, large, and has lots of gravity. Well my friend, that planet does not exist. I briefly considered sending you to Jupiter (much colder), but in the end I decided that your new home is Venus!