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Author
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Topic: ah well got to tell u somethng .........
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Dulce Luna
Knowflake Posts: 4598
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted September 29, 2007 03:52 PM
 
quote:
Well, as I said as long as the person is happy (both of them) then there is no problem.The question here would be, are they really happy? because if that is the case I have someone in mind I can totally marry right now , we get along great but there is no chemestry between the both of us, so I think it would not work over the years because I would always ne lacking that spark, but again, I am just researching possible scenarios that way I won't make the same mistake as before.
Well, we can only assume from what they say or as outsiders looking in that they are. But I think they are happy. Idk, its just complicated. Kind of like the thread in Soul Unions on "Submissive Wives", we may not like it but whatever floats their boats and makes them happy.
But also, and this is my personal belief, that love is not always about chemistry. Its something higher than that.
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NAM
Knowflake Posts: 1995
From: Sunny place.
Registered: Jan 2007
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posted September 29, 2007 04:08 PM
Ah, now we are talking about sex...nice!but I have to come back to that....I love the love/sex topic! I am just not convinced with all the different points of view. ok, back to my course...agh! psst...little secret here...I really do think they go hand in hand...together! but...don't have proof so we'll keep speculating  IP: Logged |
NeptuneLove
Knowflake Posts: 551
From:
Registered: Jul 2007
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posted September 29, 2007 04:16 PM
quote:
we may not like it but whatever floats their boats and makes them happy
Dulce, do you really believe it makes them happy ??Well, i should think about marrying my dentist. This way i save money and he can get the girl he always wanted to ****
We`ll be the happiest couple in the world IP: Logged |
Dulce Luna
Knowflake Posts: 4598
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted September 29, 2007 04:31 PM
Ok Neptuneslove...I didn't really mean it like that but w/e. I don't want to argue this and end up trashing Rg's thread.*scratches head*
NAM,
quote:
Ah, now we are talking about sex...nice!
but I have to come back to that....I love the love/sex topic! I am just not convinced with all the different points of view.ok, back to my course...agh! psst...little secret here...I really do think they go hand in hand...together! but...don't have proof so we'll keep speculating
Sometimes I think they can go hand in hand too.,but there are other times when its just...well, you know.  And I believe you can love someone without being attracted to them in the first place...that happens alot even where there is no arrangements. 
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NeptuneLove
Knowflake Posts: 551
From:
Registered: Jul 2007
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posted September 29, 2007 04:56 PM
quote:
I don't want to argue this and end up trashing Rg's thread
I don`t want this either. Please forgive me if i`ve upset you...
It`s just the way i think about thisIP: Logged |
NAM
Knowflake Posts: 1995
From: Sunny place.
Registered: Jan 2007
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posted September 29, 2007 05:04 PM
We should not bash the thread of course but we should let him know about our fears/experiences so he can make the best decision for himself.Why would we let a friend fail? we don't have all the answers what we have the questions, he needs to come up with his own answers.
That's all.This is why I say I wish him the best! IP: Logged |
SattvicMoon
Knowflake Posts: 2282
From:
Registered: May 2007
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posted September 29, 2007 05:13 PM
guys, the social/family structure here in India is way too different!For my wedding we had 1300 guests! If you think that was too much, for my sisters wedding we had 3800 guests! So, when it comes to a family decision, it works out mostly, and then the onus is on the girl and boy to make it work. My mom and dad had arranged marriage, and theirs was (my dad passed away in 2002) a successful and happy marriage for the most part (except perhaps me being their son ) IP: Logged |
NAM
Knowflake Posts: 1995
From: Sunny place.
Registered: Jan 2007
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posted September 29, 2007 05:23 PM
That is amazing Sattvic, it gives another perspective to our views.
Too bad it didn't work out, it shows that it doesn't matter what other people do(parents,friends,society) or the size of the celebration if we "ourselves" do not beleive in something it will not work, in this case, I am sure you beleived in your union but she wasn't capable of doing so.questions, questions , questions....
we need more answers IP: Logged |
SattvicMoon
Knowflake Posts: 2282
From:
Registered: May 2007
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posted September 29, 2007 05:31 PM
In my case, it is an exception, because the girl was an "under-medication" psychatric patient, and it is only disgraceful with her family to have pushed her into such a drama (trauma). I was more like a father to her than a husband for the fateful 28 days. She was incapable of doing even the basic things of daily life - nuf said.Before marriage, since she was under medication, she had some control over herself. Now, to take it even further backwards, I am to blame only myself for whatever transpired, because I let my emotions take decisions for me which ironically over-rode my intuitions. There were lot of emotional decisions from everyone involved, so perhaps the lesson was meant to be learned? IP: Logged |
Dulce Luna
Knowflake Posts: 4598
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted September 29, 2007 05:38 PM
In my parents' case they were pressured into the marriage for reasons I will not get into. Needless to say, it didn't really work out. If I hadn't known about the cases in which everything worked out, I probably would be in the same boat as Neptuneslove. But I have to say that my parent's union was more forced than anything else and nothing like the arranged unions I've known of. But All I'm trying to say is that it depends largely on the individual and the circumstances; I find nothing intrisically wrong with the practice in and of itself. IP: Logged |
NAM
Knowflake Posts: 1995
From: Sunny place.
Registered: Jan 2007
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posted September 29, 2007 05:38 PM
One more question...if I may.Why an arranged marriage? can you just fall in love with a girl and decide to marry her?
When the arrangement was made, did you have any saying on the matter? ok, that was two questions IP: Logged |
SattvicMoon
Knowflake Posts: 2282
From:
Registered: May 2007
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posted September 29, 2007 05:48 PM
quote:
Why an arranged marriage?
The family/social structure itself. In a way, it is healpful because arranged marriages happens WITHIN the same communities, so the major differences are avoided.
quote:
can you just fall in love with a girl and decide to marry her?
Yes, no worries at all, but in some cases parents or family may not really agree (depends on various factors) quote:
When the arrangement was made, did you have any saying on the matter?
Well, no one can force anyone into marriage, so I did have a say, but as I mentioned, for me, since I over-rode my intuitions with emotions, I misjudged. In my case, I was living away from my home for almost 8 years, and only my dad's passing away brought me back to my hometown. He had cancer and the final days were emotionall super charged, and after that mom was emotionally weak. In the mean time my sister got married (purepy a love marriage, she dated this guy for almost 4 years, they are now settled in Melbourne, Australia and happy). Now, we also have the process of horoscope matching etc etc to find the "right" girl. In my case, even after analyzing almost 200+ charts, none was found to match mine. My grandma who was 84 at that time also was preassuring me to get married before she "close her eyes" hahaha, and they also wanted my marriage to happen before my sister moved to Australia. With all these factors, when a chart matched up, the marriage was rushed, and it happened in 2 weeks!In my case, as I see it, it was purely a Karmic connection, which eventually led closing down my business, and learning a big lesson in life as well. I virtually erased 33 years of life, and started over in 2006, keeping the lessons learned, and erasing the experience. But looking back, I am a stronger person, more balanced person, and more sensible person, because I have got connected to my self. Moreover, I also met this wonderful soul, who has helped me in the process - not to mention all the wonderful friends who have come into my life - online or real life doesn't matter to me.
I can go on and on and on with my philosophical ramblings, because in my life, those philosophises are facts which I have realized...... but carcerg would go nuts his thread getting highjacked................. 
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NeptuneLove
Knowflake Posts: 551
From:
Registered: Jul 2007
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posted September 29, 2007 05:49 PM
Well, my mother married my father because of his career, my uncle married my aunt because she got pregnant, my grandmother married my grandfather because he was the only one who got back from war(all the others died unfortunately) and nothing worked out in these cases. I really don`t know a happy one  IP: Logged |
NAM
Knowflake Posts: 1995
From: Sunny place.
Registered: Jan 2007
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posted September 29, 2007 05:59 PM
Thank you for the information Sattvic, I understand that we are hickjacking a thread but it is all related, as I said , talking about the subject and bringing issues to light and experiences will help people to make the best decision for them.So I really don't think we are hurting nobody here.Unless Cancerrg gets in here and says "shut the hell up people, I just need a wife and whatever you say I already thought off"  then our thoughts (I feel ) have a valid point for being here. I am also thrill that you have found a soul that loves you and you love as well.Gives me hopes! IP: Logged |
SattvicMoon
Knowflake Posts: 2282
From:
Registered: May 2007
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posted September 29, 2007 06:06 PM
quote:
I am also thrill that you have found a soul that loves you and you love as well.Gives me hopes!
Worth the wait for 34 years! And moreover, the good thing is that, we are not each others weakness, but strength. IP: Logged |
NAM
Knowflake Posts: 1995
From: Sunny place.
Registered: Jan 2007
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posted September 29, 2007 06:14 PM
I am going to admit though, I am blown of the water by the fact that your culture gives so much weight to an astrological chart, I actually never really knew what it was until I got here.
I would think you first meet the person, then fall in love, then look at the chart for sh*t and giggles and maybe open up possible scenarios of challenges to overcome; but you are guided first by what your heart says.I am not saying you do that now, I am saying I can't beleive this is how you ended up married and how that proof to not be the answer for a happy marriage but as a positive note it showed you who you really are and taught you lessons! I am glad! ok, now is my turn to find happiness  and this Cancerrg guy here that started a thread ending up in us hijacking it so much is not even funny Did you learn anything Cancerrg? IP: Logged |
BornUnderDioscuri
Knowflake Posts: 2560
From: Never Never Land
Registered: Oct 2006
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posted September 29, 2007 08:06 PM
quote:
I don't want to get into my views on different sorts of unions but just know that there is a difference between an arranged marriage and a forced marriage. The former doesn't always have to be bad or loveless...it just depends on the individual.
Definately agree with Dulce. Wise words my friend. I know some arranged marriages that have been happy and long lasting. Its all in the choice of the couple IP: Logged |
RainbowDay
Knowflake Posts: 227
From:
Registered: Jun 2007
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posted September 30, 2007 03:56 AM
I kind of understand these situations I think. Two of my best friends are Pakistanian and Sri Lankian, and they have to have their marriages arranged. In a way I think it is difficult for them, because we live in a country where the general view on arranged marriages are very negative and people seem to think that people should get married because they love eachother allready. I think it's especially hard for my Sri Lankian friend though, she grew up here - and while the pakistanian girl to some extent may chose her partner, she will probably not have that oppurtunity because is of the highest caste (after the priests) and most of the sri lankians living here are of the lower ones... Which means her parents will probably bring someone from sri lanka... This is still all in the future, though They're not even old enough to get married yet IP: Logged |
Dulce Luna
Knowflake Posts: 4598
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted September 30, 2007 08:04 AM
quote:
Definately agree with Dulce. Wise words my friend. I know some arranged marriages that have been happy and long lasting. Its all in the choice of the couple
Thanks BUD.  I've even forgotten that my mother and father were friends with a very happy product of an arranged marraige back in the day (same nationality as us). I've even heard that divorce rates are low in places like Africa, Asia, and even Eastern Europe (?) where this is commonplace (but no one quote me on that). But I think a big part of the controversy is perspective: people in the West may see people in the East getting married for the wrong reasons......and vice-versa. Yeah, a large part of it is practicality and and in some cases a way to bring families,clans, or even tribes together (the latter situatons are more in the case of African Royalty where I'm from) but it is not impossible for love and affection to grow from these unions later on. And besides, in this day and age most people have enough common sense to know that compatibility matters as well.
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NeptuneLove
Knowflake Posts: 551
From:
Registered: Jul 2007
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posted September 30, 2007 08:22 AM
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cancerrg
Knowflake Posts: 2668
From:
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted September 30, 2007 12:54 PM
:::Unless Cancerrg gets in here and says "shut the hell up people, I just need a wife and whatever you say I already thought off" then our thoughts (I feel ) have a valid point for being here.::: busy with my wife searching .
shall be back by tomorrow !  IP: Logged |
aqua inferno
Knowflake Posts: 1106
From: hopping about Europe
Registered: Oct 2006
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posted September 30, 2007 01:56 PM
omg @ this string  IP: Logged |
Isis
Knowflake Posts: 1922
From: CA
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted September 30, 2007 08:04 PM
If the parents are loving and caring and actually care about the happiness of their child, I can see the benefit of arranged marriages. Often when we're young, we've got the hormones raging to varying degrees, we don't have a lot of life experience upon which to base decisions, and so we might be more inclined to make poor decisions w/ partners. That being said, the idea of my father arranging my marriage makes me cringe. But I can also see the benefits of that depending upon the parents. What I find to be most alien is the concept of making a decision that one wants a marriage partner and then going about finding one methodically like one looks for a job or a house. I'm not saying there's anything wrong w/ it at all, just the entire concept seems kind of  to me. What's totally cool is the concept that everyone takes Astrology seriously enough that it's just a matter of course that the family obtains charts and does the synastry as part of the process.  IP: Logged |
Dulce Luna
Knowflake Posts: 4598
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted September 30, 2007 08:56 PM
quote:
What I find to be most alien is the concept of making a decision that one wants a marriage partner and then going about finding one methodically like one looks for a job or a house. I'm not saying there's anything wrong w/ it at all, just the entire concept seems kind of to me.
Idk, I'd say to think of it as like E-Harmony.com sans the internet (scratch that: I remembered that people actually use the internet these days to find matches...nevermind), plus the parents, and some other societal differences. Others may disagree but that's how I see it.
Off topic: this thread gave me an idea for a short-story I want to write in a FanFiction forum....thanks guys! IP: Logged |
Isis
Knowflake Posts: 1922
From: CA
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted October 01, 2007 02:25 AM
DL: Actually, I think you're right. Anyone who uses online dating sites with the desire to meet "the one" as opposed to say, just to date and have some fun, is essentially doing the same thing.IP: Logged |
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