posted October 24, 2007 09:42 AM         

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'

The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh, . .. . .. . .. .

(scroll down)

'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'

posted October 24, 2007 01:43 PM         

BLONDE!!!!!!!

posted October 24, 2007 06:36 PM         

jk

posted October 26, 2007 10:41 AM         

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair -given that you are blind - that you should know five
things:
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I’m a 6 feet tall, 220lb blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke? The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, “Nah. Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

posted October 26, 2007 10:52 AM         

She was Soooooooo Blonde . .

* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote
"Sagittarius."

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...

* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."

She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...

* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said
"Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...

* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left,"

she turned around and went home.

She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...

* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she
moved.
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio after lunch.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This
Goes
In Front."

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:

She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...

She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company

posted October 26, 2007 10:56 AM         

* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote
"Sagittarius."

posted October 26, 2007 11:00 AM         

Presenter: Deb Tribe

The 19th of January is the 58th birthday of one of the legends of country music - Miss Dolly Parton!

Dolly Parton has written over three thousand songs, sold more than a hundred million albums, created a business empire worth more than two hundred million, had over twenty four Number One hit singles, won seven Grammy awards and eight country music awards

Dolly Rebecca Parton was born in 1948 in the Smokey Mountains near Locust Ridge in Tennessee and was the fourth child born to tobacco sharecroppers Robert Lee and Avie who married at fifteen and had twelve children by the age of thirty five.

The Parton family were so poor that they relied on food parcels and Dolly's mother used to sew her daughters clothes from mismatched scraps of cloth. In her 1971 song, 'Coat of Many Colors,' Dolly tells the true story of how her mother told her the story of Joseph's coat of many colours from the bible to help her deal with the teasing she used to get at school. In the song she tells of how her mother said that although they didn't have any money, they were rich in love.

Dolly grew up to write a children's story titled 'Coat of Many Colors' about a poor, but happy and loving family who find clever ways to deal with their poverty.

Known for her fairy floss platinum blonde wigs, fake fingernails and tight rhinestone covered outfits, Dolly's flashy fashion image is modelled on a woman she admired as a young girl. In a 1992 television interview she explained "there was a woman in our hometown, and everybody said that she was the trash, you know, the town tramp, but I thought she was beautiful 'cause she had this yellow hair, and she had bright red lipstick, and she wore make up and tight clothes and bright colors and red fingernails and high heel shoes. And I thought, "That's how I want to look!" I thought she was beautiful."

She went on to explain "nothing was ever bright enough for me, I mean I love loud colors. So my look came from a very serious place. It was a country girl's idea of what glamour really was. The more people tried to get me to change my look, the more I realised people were looking at me. And I thought that if I can hold their attention long enough for them to see that I am a talented person and that I am sincere about my work and that there is a brain underneath all of this hair and there is a heart underneath these boobs, you know, and if people can really see beyond that, then I can get past that. So overcoming my own image has been a challenge to myself."

Despite her over the top look, Dolly has always been known for her homespun philosophy. In her autobiography titled 'My Life and Other Unfinished Business' she quipped, "it takes a lot of money to look this cheap!"

When she was seven years of age Dolly could play her first instrument - a home made guitar made from an old mandolin and two bass strings, by the age of eight she could play the home made guitar her Uncle Bill Owens gave her. Her Uncle Bill saw talent in the young girl and helped her score her first television appearance on television in Knoxville television at the age of ten.

By the age of thirteen Dolly had recorded her first single 'Puppy Love' and made had made her first appearance on stage at the Grand Ole Opry of which she became a member in 1969.

The day after her high school graduation, Dolly moved to Nashville where she met her husband Carl Dean at a laundromat on the day she arrived.

Dolly Parton had her first number one hit single in the US with 'Joshua' in 1970 which was the first of many including 'Jolene' in 1973, 'I Will Always Love You' in 1974 (which was a huge hit for Whitney Houston in 1992) and 'Here You Come Again' in 1977.

In 1980 Dolly Parton made her film debut in '9 to 5' which was the first of several successful film roles including 'The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas' in 1982, 'Rhinestone' in 1984, and my personal favourite, 'Steel Magnolias' in 1989.

Other ventures include her own TV show in the late 1980’s, her own theme park called 'Dollywood,' several restaurants and her own record label 'Blue Eye.'

Standing at a diminutive five foot one inch in her wig, the blue-eyed blonde is also known for her large bust size. Early photos of Dolly show that she has always been well endowed but in recent years she has listed breast implants among the many plastic surgery procedures she has undergone.

Many female country music performers including Shania Twain and Beccy Cole cite Dolly Parton as their inspiration. In 1994 Dolly was recognised as a Nashville Living Legend, she was inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame in 1999 and the Songwriters Hall of Fame in 2001. Dolly also has her own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Happy Birthday Miss Dolly Parton.

posted October 26, 2007 12:29 PM         

The amazing Miss Dolly Parton who once said "I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I know I'm not blonde"

posted October 26, 2007 02:26 PM         

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer," your turn."

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

posted October 26, 2007 09:32 PM         

It's O.K, its just in fun!!!

Learning to laugh at ones s-Elf!!!

Good Medicine!!!!

posted October 26, 2007 10:27 PM         

Here's one I like

I'm Blonde, I'm Beautiful, I'm Going To New York...

quote:

---

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested she move to economy since she didn't have a first class ticket.

The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving."

Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak to her.

He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving.

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."

He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked the captain what he said to her. The captain replied: "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."

---

posted October 27, 2007 02:34 PM         

quote:

---

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke? The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, “Nah. Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

* She tripped over a cordless phone.

---

posted October 28, 2007 06:22 PM         

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"