posted January 04, 2008 01:14 PM            

Why doesn't anyone ever tell the truth!?

Here's my Big 8 for 2008.

Tell the truth: We seldom tell the truth; it hovers just above our conversations, just out of reach, but intruding into our awareness like a shadow we don't want to recognize. Telling the truth takes some skill -- first and most importantly, you need to tell it to yourself; then you need to make it sound like a suggestion rather than an attack. To pick the most mundane example I can think of, if somebody asks you, "Does this make my butt look big?" then your blunt assessment might benefit from a little diplomatic twist, such as, "You might want to find something more flattering."

I had a family conversation during the holidays with someone who ranted on endlessly about border security and English as the official language of this country. The shadow truth that I recognized was that the person pontificating was suffering from an advanced case of xenophobia and a limited political view. I am more focused on the assault on the C Constitution than on isolationism, and I find this kind of racist rhetoric limited and dangerous. In order to tell my own truth, I had to try to broaden the concerns of this person -- connect the dots to a larger picture. I was only mildly successful -- which brings me to the next category.



Read your audience: People are in the process of disenchanting themselves; some of them are standing in front of a crumbling wall of understanding, defending it to the death. They haven't found the truth of it, and they won't hear it until they're ready. When you walk to the wall with someone, and see (hear) them flatten themselves against it, you can bet you've just gotten to the core issue of that personality, some internal fear or desire they probably don't recognize. That means you have a broader understanding of them than they do, themselves -- it also means you are obligated to behave compassionately (unless they're holding a gun.) If you are to help them, not hinder, this is the time to gently reflect their resistance back to them -- sometimes all you have to do is repeat what they've said in defense of their position. If they are even close to breaking down the wall, they will hear how hollow it is. Sometimes, that's all y you can do -- and that takes us to the next category.

Listen to yourself: Before the advent of cell phones and Internet, a dear friend and I would tape long conversations to one another and send them via snail mail. I never sent one that I didn't listen to first. I surprised myself every time with discoveries of my own personal walls, resistance, biases and fears. So, listen to yourself as if you were a disinterested stranger -- monitor the voice that comes out of you as a "witness" rather than a participant that agrees or disagrees. By doing so, you will find the walls that YOU have flattened yourself up against. Once you find them, you can let them fall more easily –which brings us to another "must do."

Buddy up: You need a process partner. This is a person whom you can trust, who has your good and your growth, in mind. This person will listen to your hopes and fears, reflect you back to yourself, tell you the truth and help you make sense of things. A process partner will not let you lie to them -- or yourself -- they will not commiserate with you when you snivel, or if they do it will be briefly and compassionately, and then they will remind you that self-pity defeats you. They will lift you into higher truth, and help you consider your options. In short, they won't let you "get away with it." If you have a true process partner, you are blessed -- and if you do, and have the courage, ask them about your "shadow self." They will be able to tell you where you give your power away, sabotage your own good and demean your potential.

Don't panic: You probably have a familiarity with this, having survived the early years of this century, and may know by now that panic will only get you more of the same, aggravated by a series of knee-jerk responses that don't help at all. Since you already know this, try something else. Breathe deeply, move to center yourself -- assume your Que Sera attitude. Whatever has prompted this moment will work out one way or another, so don't let your ego run this conversation with its list of "should's" and "have to's". Determine your options by writing them down; call your Buddy and run them past him/her. Call in the Force; however understand that it's waiting to cooperate with you. Repeat this mantra: I am the calm in the storm. Then trust that to be true.

Don't try to make it happen: The more we push against something, the harder it resists. We "care" just a little too desperately, it constricts our energy -- we can learn how to care about the important things without putting so much tension into it. Learn how to step around things in your way. The universe is creative and it comes to your side to help you when you learn to drop your guard and relax a bit. There is ease and flow available when you hit the right stride -- when things happen effortlessly, you'll know you're in the zone. That's the space you need to bookmark in your mind, and return to as often as possible.

Detach gently and with compassion: We have carried many people with us in these last years, taken on responsibility for the good of loved ones and friends. The time has come to free ourselves from these kinds of burdens. They don't need that "old" us anymore -- if they haven't taken on responsibility for themselves by now, they've probably become dependent on us to do it for them. They have had opportunity to awaken in much the way that we have; it's time to let them go on to their own journey.

One of the hardest things for a parent to accept is that their children are entitled to their own karmic lessons; it's the same for those we carry along with us. If they are to grow, we must allow it to happen without stepping in each time to pick up the slack. If you are one of those who think you don't have these folks in your life, a careful look will show even the subtle links that are sapping energy from you. This is not a process s of abandonment -- it is a rewriting of the emotional contract between one another. It will require conversation and a process of detachment, but it's time for each of us to step into our own power.

Love with abandon: This one is both the easiest and the hardest. It's effortless to perceive all that's wrong with the world; it takes some consideration to notice what's fabulous, remarkable, amazing and wonderful. All these things are happening around us every day but they look too small and temporary to grab our attention. Attend them -- magnify them, appreciate them, encourage them, duplicate them. Replace the "what's wrong" dialogs with "what's right" often enough and you will have a shift in consciousness.

Let those who are dear to you know it. Meet new people and let them see a welcome in your eyes, smile at strangers, feed stray dogs, save whales, polar bears and wolves. Contribute to charities and become an activist for those who are disenfranchised and suffering, an activist for the integrity and commonwealth of your nation. Feel everything -- EVERYTHING. Celebrate your human heart, because that is where the alchemy begins and ends. Most importantly of all, love without having to be loved back.

We have a remarkable year ahead, one fashioned in the cauldron of paradigm shift and welcoming us to the change of the Ages. We will meet challenges and suffer defeats. We will cry and laugh, we will lose some of what was and gain some of what will be. We will meet ourselves and wave hello. We will learn to live with purpose, examine our motives, and become more authentic. We will discover what's really important, discard what isn't and know the difference. We will ll love and be loved -- and frankly, my dears, if we do all that, it will be a year to remember.

posted January 04, 2008 01:32 PM              

I don't personally think it's necessary to tell the truth in all circumstances. Sometimes we need to tell white lies to protect ourselves. Unfortunately a little hypocrisy can take us places where the truth sometimes can't.

UK readers will be familiar with "Don't panic (Captain Mainwaring)" !

Yeah, I have THOSE I need to detach from... (not mentioning any names)

posted January 04, 2008 06:59 PM              

quote:

---

Detach gently and with compassion: We have carried many people with us in these last years, taken on responsibility for the good of loved ones and friends. The time has come to free ourselves from these kinds of burdens. They don't need that "old" us anymore -- if they haven't taken on responsibility for themselves by now, they've probably become dependent on us to do it for them. They have had opportunity to awaken in much the way that we have; it's time to let them go on to their own journey.

---

posted January 05, 2008 12:32 AM            

It takes skill to tell the truth.

posted January 05, 2008 09:27 AM              

quote:

---

But then again, it is only our truth,

---

posted January 05, 2008 01:43 PM              

quote:

---

Our Truth and Your Truth and Their Truth is different from The Truth.

---

quote:

---

Completely agree with that Fayte.

There is a BIG difference between Truth and Reality. Truth is absolute, Reality is relative. And Reality is truth for a particular person or a circumstance, whereas Truth is absolute for everyone and everything.

---

posted January 05, 2008 06:35 PM              

quote:

---

I am not letting anyone into my world who does not honour truth ever again if I can help it.
That includes the little white lies. From hereon at the first lie, no matter how tiny...off my list they go.
Assuming they even get that far in the first place. I have been looking elsewhere and have discovered there are others who feel as I do. It is wonderful!

---

posted January 05, 2008 07:15 PM            

I felt I was missing something important.

I googled *define absolute truth* the sanskrit meaning came up here

Thank you for persisting. I read other pages [tibetan] I get it.

posted January 05, 2008 10:43 PM            

Love with abandon: This one is both the easiest and the hardest. It's effortless to perceive all that's wrong with the world; it takes some consideration to notice what's fabulous, remarkable, amazing and wonderful. All these things are happening around us every day but they look too small and temporary to grab our attention. Attend them -- magnify them, appreciate them, encourage them, duplicate them. Replace the "what's wrong" dialogs with "what's right" often enough and you will have a shift in consciousness.

posted January 05, 2008 10:53 PM              

quote:

---

I am for truth as well, I don't want no white lies, no bending the truth.
I am tired of living in a fake world.

---

posted January 05, 2008 10:56 PM              

quote:

---

absolute truth: Actual truth perceived without one's mental obscurations and fabrications.

relative truth: The apparent truth as perceived as real by the dualistic mind.

two truths: Absolute and relative truths.

---

posted January 05, 2008 11:04 PM            

-- Deepak Chopra

Life is full of dualities, opposites. Despite their apparent opposition, each extreme in a duality is necessary to fully actualize the other. Each depends on the existence of the other. For example, we cannot know honesty if we don’t know deception.

The key is to not resist or suppress the negative. We need to acknowledge its existence, though we may choose not to express it. When we embrace wholeness, we move to a higher perspective.

"The light which man has discovered within himself makes him more aware of the dark; through the good which attracts him, he sees the evil which is the line of least resistance; the activity leading to pain simultaneously permits him to visualize the contrasting pleasure, and thus he experiences something of both hell and heaven."

-- Aart Jurriaanse

posted January 05, 2008 11:12 PM              

Honest and for True
by John Collins

I saw an old Greek fellow wandering the streets the other evening holding a lantern out in front of himself, scanning the storefronts, alleyways, and passing cars. He looked kind of disappointed. I can't say as I blame him.

I don't mean to be a Cynic, but I think Diogenes' task of finding an honest man was probably a lot easier in his day than it is in ours. In fact, dishonesty and deception are so pervasive in today's society that we've constructed entire lexicons of larcenous and libelous language for the everyday use of politicians, lawyers, and ex-football stars.

As you've probably guessed, this issue's Origins focusses on honesty. This is apropos, actually, since the main purpose of the column is to help uncover the truth behind everyday sayings. Now, time to get to the Naked Truth.

But what is Truth, really, and why is it naked. Well, Truth, it seems, is a tall, skinny fellow, slightly balding, with a protruding Adam's apple, very scholarly and, of course, modest and reserved, though occasionally a little self-righteous. One day, lo these many years agone, Truth and his rather slovenly counterpart, Falsehood, were strolling together through the woods (they were often together, as they are quite dependent on each other — what is the light of Truth, after all, without the darkness of Falsehood against which to compare it?). They were chatting amiably, as was their wont, though not paying much attention to each other:

Truth: "Beauty is truth, truth beauty — that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need know."

Falsehood: "Truth, sir, is a cow, which will yield people no more milk, and so they are gone to milk the bull."

Truth: "If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people."

Falsehood: "In matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing."

Their friendly discourse was interrupted by the appearance of a lovely lake (well, okay, the lake didn't actually appear, it was sort of already there and they just happened upon it). On a hot day such as the one on which we are visiting the companions, it was a welcome sight, and they both stripped naked — see where this is going now? — and jumped in.

Truth was splashing pleasantly about enjoying the natural honesty of the little fishies when Falsehood challenged him to swim to the other side of the lake. As it wasn't all that far (and as Truth was, truth to tell, a tad gullible), Truth took the challenge and set off for the far shore. No sooner was he twenty yards away, however, than Falsehood splashed up to the beach and stole Truth's clothes for himself, since they were much finer than his old rags.

When Truth got back from his little excursion, he saw Falsehood parading around on the shore in Truth's finery. When asked about his actions, Falsehood replied, "Since Truth is beauty, you don't need these nice clothes. You can wear mine." And with that, he walked off into the woods.

Truth slogged out of the lake and looked down at the little pile of stained robes left by Falsehood. "I would rather," he announced to no one in particular, "walk naked than wear the raiments of Falsehood!" And henceforth, he walks the earth as Naked Truth.

posted January 06, 2008 02:37 AM              

Good definition and for this reason alone: " actual truth perceived without one's mental obscurations and fabrications"
I would say that there is no human being on the planet outside of those who are possibly saints that know or possess any absolute truth.

Mostly what all people see or think of as truth is obscurred by their own prejudices, biases and perceptions of reality. Those things being the result of childhood upbringing, experiences in life that distort our perceptions of reality and all the things that form our psyche which make what we believe to be true largely based on our own perceptions of other people and the world.

There is only one Absolute Truth. God.

Before we can be 100% authentic and honest with others we have to first be 100% authentic and honest with ourselves. Few people are.

posted January 06, 2008 03:34 PM              

quote:

---

Before we can be 100% authentic and honest with others we have to first be 100% authentic and honest with ourselves. Few people are.

---

quote:

---

Mostly what all people see or think of as truth is obscurred by their own prejudices, biases and perceptions of reality. Those things being the result of childhood upbringing, experiences in life that distort our perceptions of reality and all the things that form our psyche which make what we believe to be true largely based on our own perceptions of other people and the world.

---

posted January 06, 2008 03:44 PM              

quote:

---

Before we can be 100% authentic and honest with others we have to first be 100% authentic and honest with ourselves. Few people are.

---

posted January 06, 2008 04:23 PM              

quote:

---

Sad part is that the few that know exactly who they are and recognize their truths have to keep quiet so they won't get hurt with other people thinking they live in a fantasy world.

---

posted January 06, 2008 04:25 PM            

Trust Is The Bridge

Trust is the bridge between personality and soul. Are we destroying this bridge through our fear of differences between ourselves and others or are we enhancing trust in our everyday lives?

Homophobia, the fear of other human beings, has increased tremendously over the past few years. This is not a new fear as people throughout history have feared those who were not of their own tribe or community, laying the basis for wars, even in more primitive cultures. The problem today is that there is a diminishing homogeneity within nations and communities. There is an increasing mix of diverse ethnic and religious groups of people. Those who appear to be different are living next door. Many people fear their neighbours and feel unsafe in their own communities. In many cities people will not walk alone anywhere.

Children learn at a very young age not to trust strangers. Because of increasing crime, children are taught not to talk to or trust people they do not know. In other words, people that they do not know are perceived as dangerous, and perhaps even ‘evil’. This kind of childhood conditioning is taken into adulthood when we are constantly in contact with people we do not know. We will keep the same attitude as when we were children unless we have deliberately worked to change our perceptions and attitudes.

When there is a lack of trust there is usually fear. This fear of one’s brothers and sisters in the human family creates a great psychic tension within a person because the other unconscious force coming from soul is to love all people. Especially in our adult years our own deeper nature urges us to embrace others while our conditioning from our childhood, which exists in our feeling nature – the limbic brain – blocks us from doing that. The result of this tension is inevitably a pervasive anxiety of living in communities with other people, which everyone does to some extent, especially in this shrinking global community.

Perhaps the greatest danger of not trusting others is that, at the same time, we do not trust the urge to love that comes from within ourselves. It is lack of trust in soul that externalizes as lack of trust toward others. And when we do not trust the soul urges within ourselves we cut ourselves off from the greatest psychic source of strength, intelligence and love that exists.

When we do not follow inner soul promptings we are left with the only alternative there is – the personality and its conditioning. Deeper values then often get warped by self interest. Goals become more important than people. Quantity replaces quality. Winning is all important. I think of the values that are often portrayed in TV programs such as the now popular ‘Reality TV’. Strategies of deception are called ‘playing the game’. Lying and mistrust are standard ways of relating. Trust, in fact, is shown to be foolish.

Trust is about expanding consciousness and becoming more inclusive. Trust implies that we are willing to be changed, to be expanded into a more universal consciousness. We need to let go of narrower perspectives and prejudices. Of course, as soul we know this leads to greater freedom, but as ego we often find trust to be too unsettling or threatening.

Without trust we remain disconnected from sources of sustenance and sources of love. Trust enables us to make connection in order to be able to love and to contribute to life. Whenever trust is present fear diminishes proportionately. Whenever fear is present we can be certain that we are lacking trust – an indication that we are experiencing through the personality rather than through soul. It is fear that sustains insecurity and thereby blocks trust.

It is not possible to trust and still maintain a personality perspective. The movement from lack of trust to a trusting attitude requires shifting perspective from personality to soul. A soul perspective enables us to grasp the essence, see the meaning and sense a purpose.

The soul perspective of trust is a knowing that whatever is being experienced or about to be experienced is right, is meaningful and is purposeful – some greater good is being served, including your greater good. A lack of trust feels that what is being experienced or about to be experienced is wrong, potentially hurtful, and something to be avoided.

A lack of trust can be maintained by an unwillingness to accept challenges and change. This lack of trust also keeps a person from continuing to grow and expand consciousness.

Trust is a soul perspective that is expressed through the brain and personality. It can only exist, though, to the extent that fear is absent. Either you have to deal with the issue of your fear to enable trust to be present, or you can focus on the relevant soul perspective in order to diminish the fear. Working on both levels would, of course, be the most effective.

To trust more does not happen just by willing it, saying “I will trust more.” What is needed is a twofold strategy:

a.) Identifying and eliminating blockages to trust, most notably one’s fears

b.) Focusing on the benefits and support that can come from the object of trust – i.e., what you trust in.

posted January 06, 2008 04:34 PM            

Perhaps the greatest danger of not trusting others is that, at the same time, we do not trust the urge to love that comes from within ourselves. It is lack of trust in soul that externalizes as lack of trust toward others. And when we do not trust the soul urges within ourselves we cut ourselves off from the greatest psychic source of strength, intelligence and love that exists.