posted July 13, 2008 11:11 AM         

yes, trusting my feelings and my own perception is a huge lesson for me.
Over the years I somehow let others, especially my mother, form my perception for me, because I didn`t trust in my own.
It went so far, that I actually started feeling sick and becoming sick, when my mother stated, I was not looking very well. Like telling her: "Look at me and tell me if I am well or sick, cause I don`t know anymore what is just my imagination and what feeling is true."

It`s sorta creepy. But I have the most unusual sensations and feelings, which just can`t be true.
Like for instance today; after some months I have had this feeling for the first time today again. That feeling of being surrounded by a complete overwhelming flow of love.
But this time, it didn`t feel like this "general" flow of love, I sometimes feel (actually it mostly feels like a blanket or a cover of warmth, light, love and peace, that is being wrapped around me), but today it felt a tad different, it felt "individual". Actually I felt like someone was in the room with me, a very real personal energy, and I felt so completely loved.
But as overwhelming, amazing that is, there was noone around, and yet it even felt as if someone was touching me on my shoulder and neck. And I was standing in front of the sink washing up, so not the most likeliest place and time to experience something like this.

But since there are no invisible persons running around in my appartment and all around me, I guess my perception must have been wrong. And since I used to feel similiar things, even though never as strong as this afternoon, for which no visible reason existed, I came to the conclusion that I couldn`t trust my feelings, if they will make me perceive something as true, which can`t be real.
Am I making any sense here?

"i used to think that i saw things that others didn't because i was dark"
This was part of my problem. But another thing was that I was (and still) am very scared of what I might draw into my life unwittingly, unknowingly. There aren`t only energies of light out there; and I`ve had my share of the most horrible visions, which horrified me even more, when years later I realized that I had seen something in my meditative state, that had actually happened. And I often wonder, if I can see something like this, what do the others see? If I see darkness, does darkness see me, too?
DAmn it, I should have never watched "Twin Peaks" back then; not at 3 a.m. in the morning when I had to go to school at 7 a.m.,w hen everything was asleep, only my imagination open wide. *sighs* Big, big mistake, which I payed for with many, many sleepless nights, just being scared falling asleep.

"my parents think i'm a satanist because i don't believe in their church."
Oh my, that is so sad!
Luckily my parents are a bit more tolerant in this regard. They are worried about me though, fearing I might lose control over my life, or waste too much time here, that I actually avoid real life. And at the same time they are a bit scared, because of what I can sometimes see in a chart or in a dream.
I don`t know, I think, at least my mother is very sensitive spiritually and has some telepathic capabilities; she knows about them, but she doesn`t like to be confronted with them. She uses them as tools in everyday life to know who has called for example. lol
She`s a very deep Scorpio with ASC in Cancer.

But she doesn`t like me "getting lost" in astrology or films or whatever. She doesn`t understand it and fears I`m losing ground.

I listen, I listen carefully, PA, even to those lines of songs I can hear in my mind, seemingly out of nowwhere, even though often I have no idea where this special line comes from or what it really means.
But I just KNOW if something is important.
And yes, I have had seemingly "weird" encounters. Like many many years, when I was searching for a book, and I coincidentally was holding a book about different dimensions. And suddenly an old man approached me and told me that I knew it was true, because I had been there.
I asked him, completely confsued, where I had been in his opinion and he said: "8th dimension and you`ll get there again."
I was even more confused, looked down on the book and when I raised my head again, he had gone. I mean really gone. Just disappeared. The man had a cane, he couldn`t have ran for the exit, but he just had gone.

Or another example: When I was in Ireland with my class, I took a day off and sat on a rock at the shore looking onto the Atlantic (I was deep down in the South), and you know, when I made my first step onto this island, I just had the feeling that I had come home.
However, I was sitting on this rock, looking out on the sea and reading at the same time, when a woman approached me and talked to me in Gaelic. I had to tell her that I didn`t understand Gaelic (even though that language felt SOO familiar). Well, it turned out she had assumed I was Irish and she was telling me about her daughter, who had gone to Paris to become a cook there, but she didn`T feel at home in the big city, and she rather wanted her daughter would come home. She also told me that I should read between the lines, because the Irish stories (fairy tales) are full of hidden truths and signs and messages.
I told her I would do that, and how much I loved these tales.
And then she turned to go; I decided 2 minutes later or so, not long, that I wanted to go home, too, but when I had climbed onto the path again, she was gone, and there were only plain fields (and cows), but she just had gone, and the cottages had been while away, she couldn`t have gone there int hat short time and I hadn`t heard a car (actually I doubt that any car could have worked there. lol).

But my friend told me that things like that do happen in Ireland. You visit a church, that is only there, because you need it, and after oyu have left it, it disappears; at least oyu won`t find it again (happened to her, when she was visiting relatives in Ireland).

I don`t know why I had to think of the 8th dimension again; I never really learned what that is. Do you know if there is an 8th dimension and if it does exist, what exactly is it?

DD

posted July 13, 2008 01:17 PM         

I noticed you posted at 11:11

Thats what drew my attention to this thread,
or I'd never have seen your post.

posted July 14, 2008 01:30 AM         

STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER.

go and masturbate (think of rafe) - do anything........something......even nothing.

posted July 14, 2008 01:33 AM         

ddl does nothing for me. great - wonderful - amazing actor. but no sex appeal for me. i can see that he's sexy and why he appeals to others but he doesn't stir anything in me.

posted July 14, 2008 01:41 AM         

one thing about jude - he'd be a great kisser i think. the scene in closer with julia roberts where he tells her to "come here".

posted July 14, 2008 05:03 AM         

*choking* I nearly choked my coffee over the keyboard. And I didn`t even have breakfast yet.
You had to put these pics of Jude up, didn`T you? First thing I see in the morning, after waking up.
And for some weird reason, when I saw that first pic of him, I had Gerry Butler in the back of my mind saying / singing very determinedly: "YOU TRY MY PATIENCE! MAKE YOUR CHOICE!"

lol
Funny, this kiss in "Closer" Everyone LIKES it so much. I kinda think he looks like he`s going to swallow Julia whole.

And yes, he`s got a bit of Scorpio going on:
Pluto on the MC
Sun square Pluto
Mars in Scorpio

His Moon and Venus are in lofty Libra and Sagittarius, though (Sagittarius sometimes seems to be like the airiest of the firesigns to me; I must know, I am one; but then I have a Moon in Aquarius, which seems to like his Moon in Libra, especially since Uranus conjuncts his Moon).

He`s pretty, you are right, and I also think he might be arrogant and I don`t know not so nice, I guess.
But I`m biased here.
You remember the "vision" PA had of Jude and me?
Well, I kinda think we might have had a previous life-experience,either like that or in a slightly different context. And I also think that it was not the happiest experience for me.
I feel like he might have "locked me up" or something like that. Must be his Saturn exactly on my Karma and my Saturn exactly on his SN.

For fun I did our ARabic charts yesterday and get this:
my arabic Mars is conjunct his arabic Venus by 2°
my Psyche is conjunct his arabic Eros by 3°
my a Venus conjuncts his a NN by 1°
my a Pluto opposes his Eros by 0°
my a NN conjunct his a Karma by 0°
my a Karma conjunct his his a SN by 2°
my a AC conjunct his a Karma by 3°

His tropical Psyche is on 10°51 SCorpio and my draconic Eros is on 10°52 Scorpio, a conjunction of only 1 minute, not degree, MINUTE.
BTW the Sabian for that placement is "A drowning man is being rescued".

posted July 14, 2008 05:03 AM         

DDL, hmm, I`m with PA on this one, he looks nice and I understand how people find him sexy, but he doesn`t do anything for me. So much Taurus. That`s just TOO much.
Where is the fire?

I still very much prefer a Sun in Sagittarius, a Moon in Aries, Mercury in Sagittarius and Venus and Mars in Scorpio. Seems I got stuck here. lol

posted July 14, 2008 05:48 AM         

i just did a quick astrotheme search for some of those placements you mentioned and stuart is about the only one that i know from the list.

i also did a search that i might like - aries sun, taurus venus and arie merc and james franco came up. this is our synastry - funny thing, i was watching tristan and isolde yesterday on and off during the day/night and i thought about doing a synastry with him.

my aphrodite conjunct his adonis in scorpio in my 8th house.

his venus conjunct my mars and destiny.

eros and eros conjunct.

his destiny conjunct my sun, karma and psyche plus.

his sun conjunct my venus.

his mercury conjunct my eros.

his valentine on my mc.

posted July 14, 2008 05:56 AM         

STuart is the only one that came up. You don`t say! *feigning surprised shock*

I liked Franco,t oo, in that movie; I am looking at hands, I guess, but he`s got great shoulders, jip.

I never did such a search on astrotheme.

Let me see, what else would I like?

Sun in Aries or Sagittarius
Moon in Aries or Taurus
Mercury in Aries or Sagittarius
Venus in Taurus, Scorpio or Capricorn
Mars (I`m more open to suggestions here, even though I suspect, I fall easily for a Water-Mars or Capricorn-Mars) in Scorpio, Capricorn or Pisces
ASC in Virgo or Pisces (It`s RIDICULOUS how often that pops up) or in Sagittarius; (in the cases of Johnny Depp, RDJ and Robbie Williams I accept a Leo ASC, though. )