posted July 14, 2008 08:48 AM         

I listen to the guidance screaming to me, and I followed it. Izo, remember?
And it led me to meeting Paul and re-adressing my personal feelings for him (and seems this is not over yet).
I like to recall this dream, when he came to me and told me to go to this concert or he would "come and drag me there himself". ROFL
I didn`t really WANT to go there, but I felt very intrigued by that dream and so I went there.

But sometimes it`s very difficult to say, when the spiritual reality ends and my imagination starts.

It`s strange when you`re alone in your appartment and walk from one room to the other and suddenly stop short in the movement, because you feel like you have bumped into something solid (not really solid though), and you mumble a short "Excuse me" and take a step sideways, but NOONE is there.

Or when you`re walking on the street and suddenly stop short, because youv`ve hit a wall. There`s only air around you but suddenly it feels like this air has THICKENED just before you (I have ALWAYS felt that, even as a child).

Or if you perceive the world around you as "two-fold", a double world. There is this world, and woven into it there`s another world, the same and yet different, transparent, more fluid.
And sometimes it looks as if there`s a transparent blanket over the physical world, and you can see it`s not the only one. There are two worlds in ONE, both being real (my mum explained that it has to do with my weak eyesight that I see such things or mist / fog under the ceiling, and THAT particular mist didn`t feel especially friendly to me).

Or when you awake in the middle of the night, and there`s this electricity all around and you see lights whirling around you, green and white, and you feel so lightheaded, that you have to put both feet down on the hard, cold floor, to get grounded again.

Or somehow hurricanes are developing INSIDE your room (I was halfasleep then, so I might have been dreaming).

Or you see a man standing beside your bed, well not "see" with your physical eyes, but with the eyes of your mind (I can`t really explain it, it feels like there`s a different another set of eyes behind the normal ones), and after a while you get used to it, that he`s there from time to time. Often. And you start just enjoying the feeling of warmth and yes, love, he is spreading and makes you feel so great yourself.
And you start thinking this is just a "bonus", a "treat" from your subconsciousness, which CREATED the perfect man for you (Perfect not in the sense of flawless but just right, you know?), you get used to it. But you don`t circle around it, him.
And then you see him, on the silver screen. You didn`t know that he existed in real life, or someone who not only LOOKED exactly like him but FELT like him.

You see, there is a very THIN line between real spiritual experiences and imagination in my case, and I have to walk carefully there.

But I DO feel those sensations, this energy, and if I feel like I should sit down and listen inside, I do so now. No matter what I do.

But hmm, it`s really hard to trust in this.
And regarding my intution, yes, it has been true often, but not always.
I never noticed Paul was gay for example. Where has my intuition been there?
(Even though at that time he seems to have had a girlfriend, so I don`t know, maybe he realized it himself a bit later)

And there have been days when I had the clear feeling something meaningful would happen, but nothing ever did. Well, maybe ithappened on the inside and I didn`t know it.

Izo,

please don`t become too cynic. I have been there myself, it`s no good place to be.
Maybe he was not your soulmate, but don`t give up your faith in love and life.
He is definitely not worth such a big sacrifice. You wouldn`t punish him, but yourself in doing this.

I have lived without faith for a long time and I was dead inside, I can tell you. I never want to go there again, no matter how painful my experiences may be in the future. NOthing is as dull, grey and lifeless like living without believing.

Thank you for your comments on my eyes, and probably you`re right. Damned Mars, spoiling it again.

posted July 14, 2008 08:48 AM         

psychecommunity.net join and come to the chat room - i have my own chat space you'll need a password to get in so after you join i can send you a private mail and give you the chat room password - as it's a private chatroom.

posted July 14, 2008 08:59 AM         

reading that message from you was like a checklist for me. hitting walls? check. bright coloured lights? check. hurricanes? check.

posted July 14, 2008 09:06 AM         

what's happening with you my love? cynical and sad? no no no - won't do. i'm not going to let one experience with one person let you go there. especially as it is raw because it's still new. you can't let one person let you close your heart.

dd

posted July 14, 2008 09:32 AM         

I will join there, so you could write me a mail with your password to Sulpicia@yahoo.com.
I really want to continue that chat, but maybe not so publicly, as it`s here.

I`m sorry about the baby. That is so sad.
But yes, I agree, we only know what we are to know. And we`re shown the pieces of the jigsaw we need to see, at that moment in time.

posted July 14, 2008 10:50 AM         

that's hilarious. a site dedicated to men's hands. lol!

hayden - definitely too boyish for me.

you asked about jamie oliver. i love to watch his shows. love the ideas that he gives and then lets me go into my own little world and improvise from there too. i like him a lot - but every now and then he does or says something that makes me think he's a bit of a tosser. but i quite like him. and singers and jewellers. lol!

posted July 14, 2008 11:10 AM         

re: your hands site.

i'm not sure about the truth in the theory about the size of a man's hands correlating to the size of his penis. but this man's hands are ******* huge. the rest of it is up to your imagination. why else does anyone watch criminal intent?

posted July 14, 2008 11:56 AM         

Lots of to you too!

posted July 14, 2008 11:56 AM         

I`m still waiting for my confirmation of registering, but got your email. Thanks.

Izo,

keep your head up. Yes, that Pluto-Neptune is a real downer. I`ve had that myself in 2000. Difficult year. Forced me to "grow up", but in the end it also paved the way for the things to come. And it didn`t stay forever.

posted July 14, 2008 12:10 PM         

Paul has his Karma on 8 Taurus (and his Venus on 4 Taurus) and his Pluto on 8 Virgo and his Chiron and my nameasteroid in his chart on 8 Pisces.

I have additionally my Lilith-asteroid and my own DRACO name on 8 Virgo and my Ceres on 10 Pisces.

ROFL, astrology sometimes is so SYMMETRICAL

posted July 14, 2008 12:16 PM         

Hahaha, I might marry one too! Actor sextiles POM. I have it in late Pisces. LOL, actually I think t-Actor shall conjunct it this year . Time to move to LA. Or maybe England? *hysterical giggles* LOL.

posted July 14, 2008 12:56 PM         

Yes, John Lennon thought that,t oo. He asked me to tell him a story, then I told THIS story to which he started telling the story of "John and Yoko", how they were one.
That was fun, sorta creepy fun actually. lol

Who is in Canada?
England, yes, I can relate to that. I will e in England next year.

Actually you will not believe this: The night I am supposed to see Jude on stage, asteroid actor will be on 4°25 Taurus, moving into a conjunction to natal actor 7°31 Taurus.

And Transit Destinn will be on 09°53 Cancer, loosely opposing his Sun on 7°31 Capricorn, my Venus on 6°07 Cappy, my Osiris on 7°50 Cappy and my Isis on 8°32 Cappy.

And now for the REALLY shiver-causing stuff:
on the concert in september, Paul wants to give, IF it is still on:

Transit Actor will be conjunct my natal Juno with 2 minutes of orb!!!
It also will conjunct his natal Amor with 40 minutes of orb.

The Transiting NN will be conjunct my Moon with 00°40 and also conjunct his natal SN with 1°46.
The Transiting Chiron conjuncts the NN and will be conjunct my Moon by 32 minutes of orb and conjunct his SN with 34 minutes of orb.

Transiting Karma on 6° Virgo will be trine my Venus (6 Cappy), Isis (8), Osiris (8) in Cappy, will also trine his Venus (4) and Karma (8) as well as my Actor, PoM, Eros-Psychemidpoint (8) in TAurus and also conjunct his Pluto on 8° Virgo opposing my name asteroid in his chart - remember the configuration?

posted July 14, 2008 01:18 PM         

On the RIGHT date:

Transit Actor will be conjunct my Juno with 33 minutes of orb and will be conjunct his Amor with 5 minutes of orb (approaching exactness!!!!).

Transit Karma on 7°45 Virgo will be:
trine my Venus on 6°07 Cappy
trine my Isis on 8°32 Cappy
trine my Osiris on 7°50 Cappy

trine my Actor on 7°31 Taurus
trine my PoM on 7°55 Taurus
trine his Karma on 7°41

conjunct his Pluto on 7°56 Virgo
conjunct my Draco name in my chart on 6°49 Virgo

opposite my name in his chart on 8°43 Pisces
BTW my transiting name has just left the conjunction to my name in his chart (but almost 5° ago) and also the conjunction to the Venus-Jupiter-conjunction in our composite.

Transit Venus on 4°30 Scorpio might play a role here,t oo, as it`s exactly conjunct his natal Venus and moving into a trine to my natal Venus and a conjunction to all that PoM, Actor, Karma-stuff.
Transit Sun (5°03 Libra) and Transit Eros (7°15) are:

opposing his Eros on 7°07 Aries and his DSC-ruler Mercury on 7°36 Aries
conjunct my MC on 4°58 Libra and (widely) my Pluto on 9°05 Libra.
square my Venus-Isis-Osiris-conjunction.

Transit Destinn on 9° Aries is actually moving backwards towards that opposition.

Transit NN on 17°45 and Transit Chiron on 16°26 Aquarius are:
conjunct my Moon on 17°06 Aquarius
conjunct his SN on 16°01 Aquarius