posted July 15, 2008 09:15 AM         

It is nothing I want to watch either, as I said I only watched it once and fastforwarded the many gruesome killings.

But it has happened. It still does in some corners of the world (the same with Blood Diamond, I also thought Leo was outstanding), and it doesn`t help to close my eyes.
But there is something deeply disturbing about it. Deeply. I can feel it deep inside my soul, stirring a memory, a very faint memory. not as disturbing as THAT. But violence, group violence against a single person, you know I have been there, in a softer context. I have only been beaten up a little.
But somehow this film forced me to go there again, emotionally.
Go back even deeper into time, into my childhood, where some boy threatened to kill me with a knife. He never did. Of course not, or else I wouldn`t be writing here.
But he filled my heart with terrible scare and fright. So much fear.
Actually he was not the only one who threatened to kill me; they never really meant it that way, but I was a kid, I did not know that.
Example: that girl who told me she would "beat me until I`m dead" if I ever were to tell my Mum that she smoked a cigarette. Thing is, I believed her. I told my mum anyway, and she didn`T beat me that way.

But some of that, some of that fear lingered on, and my "impotence", the inability to put limits, to defend myself, to protect myself (only for others, I always protected others), but this fear it was always there, it made me withdrew from EVERYONE (after all you never know who could do something horrible like this).
aCtually ana quaitance, when I was about 17 years old, actually a friend of a former friend of mine, a deeply troubled boy, he had approached me to talk to me once more, even though we hadn`t have contact for 2 years or so.
And I had been talking to him before, and nothing ever changed, and I sensed some sort of danger around him and I told him that there is no use in talking anymore and that he should stay the hell away from my brother (I somehow felt the need to protect my mentally handicapped brother).
He went away and never bothered me again.
WEeks later I heard that he had killed a mentally handicapped man,w ith a friend of his, just to "see how it feels to kill someone". Just like that.

So, seeing this film had a definitely therapy-character for me. It made me adress my feelings of fear and guilt. Yes, I felt guilty because I couldn`t prevent what happened.

So, I am deeply involved with that film. And I actually hated Stuart afterwards; I thought he was seriously sexy and still hated him. Not even for doing this film, but for forcing me to go so deep down inside myself.
Now I am sort of thankful. It was needed, much needed.
I even manage to not fear big groups anymore; I am still cautious and careful, but I don`t panick anymore just becasue more than 2 people are standing together anywhere.

*Sighs* So, if you`Re stomach is strong, go see it. Tell me what you think.
I hope you`re going to hate it as much as I do.

DD

posted July 15, 2008 09:27 AM         

we had a very famous psychic here - her name was fiona mccallum and she used had columns in magazines and was on the radio and tv and i remember reading something similar to what you had just said about you and your brother. she said that she was 5 and there was a knock at the door and there was a man and he terrified her - just his presence - something wasn't right about him - i can't remember if she screamed - or something to alert her mother that she was afraid of this person - apparently her mother and grandmother were highly psychic as well and they understood and trusted her instincts. apparently some time later they found out that this man raped a little girl who lived in the street not long after this encounter.

posted July 15, 2008 09:33 AM         

following in your footsteps i did an adze venus report with robert downey jr.

this is some of the stuff that i felt/thought would be our dynamic:

At heart, you are two of a kind.

You two bring out the best in each other.

RDJ understands PA.

There is a fundamental similarity between the two of you.

The two of you can share a number of philosophical and intellectual interests.

Some stellar communication is indicated.

Could be a meeting of the minds.

Very intense communication is indicated.

Emotionally speaking, you can identify with each other.

Talk about explorations.

and then there were these:

There is a serious tone to this relationship. PA may feel held back or restrained by RDJ. To PA, RDJ may come across as an authority figure.

PA may find RDJ to be dull and predictable.

posted July 15, 2008 09:39 AM         

then better don`t watch it. It is the darkest thing I have ever watched.

Well, yes, maybe I saved my brother, but someone else had to die. Of course I didn`t know that back then. I didn`t really know of what that guy was able to do. I recall his family-history, and in a way he has never known anything else but violence in his own childhood.
However, I think partly it was my intuition that saved my brother, but partly it was the past history.
That same guy has had an encounter with my brother before, many years before that. I think they were about 10 or 12 years old then.
And there was some nasty situation; I only heard of later.
But when I heard that this was the same guy, my friend was bringing, I basically told him he should never show up again, even though he apologized for his behaviour.
WEll, my mother seemed to be inclined to think that he had changed or deserved a second chance or anything like that. And of course I trusted my mum`s instincts, which are usually right; actually she is much more suspicious than I am.
So for a time I allowed that he came around and was talking to my brother and me and my friend of course.
But I never left them alone, and I always stayed suspicious in a way that I couldn`t comprehend back then. I was only observing, but with a very suspicious eye. Yes, something was definitely wrong about him.
I used to have the habit to imagine a colour for a person`s soul, and when I concentrated (it took me a lot of energy, but my friend had asked me to do it), I only saw brown, a very dirty brown. Don`t know what that meant, but this dirty colour scared me. I twas just something I saw in my mind.

For example when I noticed musicman Paul, I could see a very bright, gleaming, glowing, rich Blue in my mind.

It`s funny, isn`t it? Seeing colours.
Andy, his partner has always been a very bright yellow to me. I have no idea why this is so.
But i haven`t done this for a long time. I guess I can`t connect colours to people anymore.

posted July 15, 2008 09:49 AM         

and those feelings that this boy wassn't quite right - that is intuition as much as suspicion. i'm suspicious too. i suppose it has to be a balance of mental and intuitive faculties to discern what is real and right for you. yet, sometimes the head gets in the way or sometimes the other way around can be confusing. it comes down to learning and trusting how you receive your messages, intuits, etc.

posted July 15, 2008 09:54 AM         

yes, i did leave the sexual stuff out. i think because in myself i think that well, this person is famous and i'm not ever going to meet them and that because what i'm getting from them is based purely on feel (intuition) that the sexual stuff doesn't have an avenue of expression so i, don't negate it, but feel stupid relating it back to them when it's just not going to happen. but the other stuff - you can have a spiritual union or an emotional connection with someone and see something in them and just know that if you met you'd see something familiar or something that resonates about them within you. taking it to a sexual level is a bit strange for me - as in, i feel odd about it. the other block there being that we are talking about movie stars and they are surrounded by beautiful looking women and i'm not one of those so to speak about sexual possibilities with someone like that - i know is completely delusional. that's what works for me. sure, i'd love to say there'd be fireworks between me and rdj - but even if there was magical energy - he wouldn't go for me. you know?

posted July 15, 2008 09:56 AM         

And Andy, on that concert, I saw more a very dimmed yellow, and I felt so much sadness and heartbrokenness from him, that I almost started crying (it was not my own, I know that feels different).
And I was even silently wondering, if I really was seeing his "Aura" or if it was just the spotlight.
Howeve,r I had just finished the thought in my head,w hen he started telling the audience, how little children would not look someone in the face but a bit over the head or beside. That is because they see the Aura of a person rather than the person itself, And that all of us have this ability, but that we somehow forgot that we do.

I mean, that was kinda awesome. It was like he just picked up my thoughts and answered them! He does that a lot.
Like in that other concert when he was saying that we all should start meditating more and looked into my direction, coincidentally of course. But it kinda felt a bit creepy.

Sorry, I have to cut this short now, because I am going to visit my parents. Have fun without me.

DD

posted July 15, 2008 09:59 AM         

i was just about to go to bed - it's midnight now.

posted July 15, 2008 10:08 AM         

Oh, and another actor i forgot, UNBELIEVIBLY, to mention was Kevin Bacon. Also an actor who is looked at as just another pretty face. He's done so, so, so well. Criminal Law, Murder in the First, Sleepers, The Woodsman, Trapped. He's magnetic. He's on fire. He's talented.

DD,

posted July 15, 2008 10:08 AM         

"maid in manhattan"

posted July 15, 2008 10:37 AM         

MAID IN MANHATTAN

posted July 15, 2008 10:41 AM         

LOL! i was just doing a search in astrotheme to see who has their moon conjunct my psyche and kevin bacon is one of them! a minute after reading your thread. lol!

and gary oldman! huh!

chris o'donnell - something about him i REALLY don't like

oh god - antonio banderas - umm - no no no

posted July 15, 2008 10:45 AM         

you don't hate me - you just wanna hate me baby. because you know i'm right. don't ya?

ha ha ha

maid in manhattan
maid in manhattan
maid in manhattan

posted July 15, 2008 12:39 PM         

I have Eros in Cancer in 8th house exactly conjunct Vertex.

I think anyone here can see easily, how it relates to me.

Kevin Bacon - yes, frighening amazing actor. He gives me the shivers.
I didn`t like "Trapped"; I mean Charlize and Kevin were doing a wonderful job. But you know it`s the movie where Stuart and Charlize met.

I am SOO jealous. lol
Nah seriously, I think it`s a good movie.

The one who played the uncle was also great.

Regarding colours.
Actually Stuart`s colour in my mind is a very deep purple with much red in it. It actually switches sometimes to a deep red. Like the colour of the blood, deeper in your veins (not the light-red of the blood on the surface).

Sorry if that is too macabre comparing him to the colour of blood.

DD

posted July 15, 2008 09:01 PM         

"too macabre"???? Are you kidding me! I love Edward Gorey! I'm very much into the gothic culture, so comparing your lova-boy to the color of blood just curls my toes ^_^

posted July 15, 2008 09:10 PM         

I know that you have an infatuation for Vampires, so i thought i'd let you in on a lovely secret. Let me know what you think of this beautiful speicmen:

posted July 15, 2008 09:22 PM         

You need to go back a few pages and see if you like the 2 pictures of the man i posted for you. I think you'll enjoy him quite a lot. If not... well... damn me.

Kevin Kline i do like. And for some reason... i find him sort of attractive. Especailly in the movie "French Kiss".

Oh, and i do agree with you, Jim Carey is a very good dramatic actor. Have you ever seen "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"? It's great. Kate Winslet is in it too.

posted July 16, 2008 04:53 AM         

sorry - i forgot to comment on him yesterday. nope, zip, nothing, zero, nada.

not appealing at all. not physically, not in any sense.