posted June 17, 2008 10:30 PM            

Who struggles with the uglies and can't get over it? This is an embarrassing problem and the people around me think I look just fine.

I don't want anyone digging up my pics and commenting on them-- it's really not about anyone else's opinion, but the internal struggle I have when I compare myself to the "beautiful people."

Is this a Libra moon issue?! Lol. I feel cheated! I can change my hair, my makeup, my clothes, but I can never be as attractive as I want to be. I think a lot of people feel this way from time to time. When it hits I feel such intense self-loathing and helplessness. That's what I really want to talk about.

I bring it up because I know how hard it is for me and maybe other people struggle with this too?

I don't look horrible or anything (this all sounds funny to me now that I'm making it public). But I really beat myself up over this. I never feel "beautiful." It's not about needing to do something nice for myself like a makeover or anything. Even on my wedding day-- the day you should feel your most beautiful, I still felt inadequate.

Anyone??

posted June 17, 2008 10:53 PM            

Whenever you see a beautiful woman, and feel insecure, imagine her aging and rotting, and then finally being a disgusting corpse. Imagine yourself aging and rotting and becoming a disgusting corpse.

What value has beauty now?

posted June 17, 2008 11:08 PM            

... but then there's that evil dark side that equates beauty with self-worth (not in others, just myself) and it's very painful.

I don't want to give the impression that this is the only thing happening in my head. It's just a recurring theme in my life that I'd like to move past.

posted June 17, 2008 11:13 PM            

I fear that I'll be a warty troll in my next life because I worry so much about beauty in this life.

Curious, though, what exactly is the technique for lust? I could maybe use that one too.

posted June 17, 2008 11:15 PM            

imagining myself as a decayed and rotten corpse does not help me feel more beautiful!

posted June 18, 2008 12:05 AM            

Being attached to ones own beauty leads to unhappiness, as we can not maintain beauty, it will inevitably fade. This is not to say you should not flaunt it if you have it, but you should not be so attached to it that it makes you suffer immensely. The point of the meditation is to realize that you have been conditioned to hold beauty as a high virtue, and to realize this is a habit, but is not really "you." Your essence is so much more powerful than the physical.

posted June 18, 2008 02:55 AM            

Weep not for narcissus.

I am filled with joy just to be alive.

We have all manifested the precise appearance necessary to undergo the proper karmic transformation.

Accept your appearance because it is a crux of your spiritual growth.

posted June 18, 2008 04:55 AM            

We get bombarded with Hollywood magazine images of perfection, and nonsense stories about losing baby weight in two weeks. It's all false. In a different life I would be pressed into getting my nose straightened and getting braces. Maybe a bit of surgery to reverse the effect of childbirth. I'm not short of a bit of spare money to cover the costs but I haven't ever made the effort. I'm just not motivated. I don't care enough.

I think the condition of the Sun might give some pointers. At least it does on my chart where it is in a Grand Trine with Mars and Uranus. I don't lack confidence in general. Also, according to my husband my father treats me like another son. I kind of see what he means. It's probably not a coincidence that I am good at map-reading and get annoyed when women are judged on their appearance and not on what they are capable of doing.

Anyway, handsome is as handsome does.

posted June 18, 2008 06:02 AM            

Oh future...I could write a book...no a set of books about the pursuit of beauty.
It is a cruel mistress.

I was a very plain child and then in a matter of months when I was 15 something happened (i grew 9" and my oversize mouth actually began to fit my face!) and I became what was considered very good looking.
How nice you might say. Well yes if my perception of myself had changed along with it but throughout the next 25 years I still viewed myself as that gormless goofy midget!
And because of my insecurity I was very jealous of my looks and literally bristled if there was any competition.
I was not relaxed with it and here's the rub.
Although people perceived me as beautiful I was not attractive because I tried too hard....all the time...can you understand that?
And then as I grew older I relaxed and I actually began to enjoy myself. I didn't have to look fantastic every waking minute.
And whaddya know?
I became attractive to people...very...because I stopped posing and performing and positioning and just stopped overthinking it.
I hope this doesn't come across as big headed because I'm trying to explain that looks for everyone will always be a source of insecurity.
And I know you will have heard this a thousand times but IT IS a state of mind.
I know and now as I am older, I understand.
It is a projection that people see NOT the actuality.
So if you feel ugly sadly that's the projection.
And reading your other post I think it has affected you on more levels than maybe you realise.
Are you "feeling nothing" because of your perception of your looks and your insecurity because you don't feel somehow worthy,or do you feel the "uglies" because you are underlying unhappy with your life.

posted June 18, 2008 09:26 AM            

I really do get the "beauty is on the inside" and that the media makes us expect too much of ourselves.

But still-- does anyone feel even the tiniest bit of self-loathing for not being able to measure up? Especially the women? I know I'm not making this up or it wouldn't be such a big deal in the press.

Has anyone checked out Dove's "Campaign for Real Beauty?" I think it's an excellent idea-- I love that there is more emphasis these days on self-acceptance and that it's being focused so much on the younger generations.

I usually look pretty natural-- I'm not very high maintenance at all-- little makeup and a little hair styling for work/ special occasions. So I don't desperately try to look beautiful. It doesn't really suit me to be too overdone anyway.

For me it's part of being female. I'm not saying this is everyone's experience or that women should be judged by their looks. But the truth is, they often are. I wish I could say that it's totally superficial and then throw it under the rug. But just like shorter-statured guys (a characteristic that I love, btw) sometimes feel inadequate as men, I think average/plain Jane girls sometimes feel inadequate as women.

posted June 18, 2008 09:45 AM            

There is a logical side of me that tells me it doesn't matter and a spiritual side that tells me it doesn't matter.

Then there is the emotional side that tells me "Hey - you're over 35 and past your prime, babe. Give up already." or "Ugh look at that pooch of a belly. You can't wear a bathing suit so you may as well just hide out indoors."

Most days it is a struggle between the logical/spiritual and the emotional sides of me.

posted June 18, 2008 09:47 AM            

I know better, just like you said. But that doesn't really change things in the outside world.

It's hard to explain without sounding like you just don't get it, but you've explained it very well.

posted June 18, 2008 09:48 AM            

I tried to copy it before it disappeared but I was a fraction of a second too late.

I'm at work so I don't have time to try again but I will repost after work.

posted June 18, 2008 01:04 PM            

First off, to your initial question. Yes. I feel unattractive and imperfect every single day. I look at myself and pick apart every single flaw that I see. Nobody that knows me, REALLY knows me, realizes that I do this. I wish I were more in shape. I wish I had better skin. I wish I had whiter teeth. I wish my very boring hair would sparkly and shine. I wish I did not inherit my mom's nose, that seems to be growing every day. I wish my breasts were bigger, my ears smaller, my knees less knobby and I didn't have freckles. I know that the things that I can change, I'm totally capable of doing.

But then, like BOE said, if those things changed, I would not be me anymore.

Sometimes I will get so frustrated looking at myself, when I'm trying to get dressed up or putting on make up, that I will literally take a washcloth and scrub myself raw. I will throw things at the mirror and start crying. (this usually happens around "that time of the month") It hurts, and it sucks, and it is a total waste of energy, and then I feel guilty for being so superficial when there are so many bigger problems in the world, and then I am stuck in a guilt spiral and will not come out of my room for a day.

It's rediculous! It really stems from being tormented as a child. My parents were the only ones who were divorced in my class, and I was teased all the time, and kids even called me "Ugly Jaymee". No lie.

I have always struggled with this. I don't even know if it's insecurity so much as a real social awkwardness.

But of course, it's insane. It's totally irrational, and I can't believe I just said all of that!

I have done photo shoots with artist friends of mine, appeared nude in several theatrical productions, and receive compliments often on my outside appearance. One would think this would not be an issue. But it is.

Every single day.

I guess I have just come to accept that it is a part of who I am. Maybe it keeps me humble? (Leo moon 5th house, I need it!) Maybe it keeps me grounded (triple Aqua, I need it! ), whatever it is, I think we all have it to some degree. Especially women.

I had a friend once who said "you know, it's insane that women are the best medicine to other women who are in pain, but we can't get past our outsides to get to the insides all the way, there is always something she has that you want, and vice versa."

So true. Human nature? Keeping Up with the Joneses? Influence of the media?

Whatever it is, it is sad that these things can affect us and keep us seperated.