posted August 26, 2008 09:31 AM         

Top Ten Country Western Songs

10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine.

9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few.

8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'.

6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause She Might Win.

5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here.

4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him.

3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger.

2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer.

And the Number One Country & Western song is...

posted August 26, 2008 09:51 AM         

quote:

---

She's Looking Better Every Beer
Lyrics: John Shine
Music: John Shine

Well I guess it's been at least an hour, and I didn't plan to stay
I only dropped in to drink a beer, and float off on my way
It was a pale and rather plain girl over in the corner sipping wine
When I did not sit down at her table, she sat down at mine

And she's looking better every beer
Her hair is soft and shiny now, her eyes are bright and clear
How could it be I didn't notice her when I first came in here
Now she's looking better every beer

Well the bar lights and the candles throw a little color on the chin
And two by two the people leave who one by one came in
The jukebox plays and the coke-filled ashtrays warns the time that flies
And every time I drain my mug I can't believe my eyes

She's looking better every beer
Her hair is soft and shiny now, her eyes are bright and clear
How could it be I didn't notice her when I first came in here
Now she's looking better every beer

---

posted August 26, 2008 09:56 AM         

quote:

---

Title I've Never Gone to Bed With An Ugly Woman
Artist Bobby Bare

I've served my time losing track of the wine
Looking through red eyes at the blues
Holdin' on 'til the very last song
Tryin' to make up my mind who to choose.

Chasing a dream in a whisky world
Down the neon avenue
And I've never gone to bed with an ugly women
But I've sure woke up with a few.

Ain't it funny how liquor and the flicker of a candle
Make you see it from a different view
Oh, I've never gone to bed with an ugly women
But I've sure woke up with a few.

I've met more than one morning lyin' there
Groanin', cryin', "Lord what did I do?"
Hangin' my head as I slipped from her bed
Tryin' hard not to leave any clues.

When I start out the evening I'm being selective
But I'll take anything after two
No, I've never gone to bed with an ugly women
But I've sure woke up with a few.

Ain't it funny how liquor and the flicker of a candle
Make you see it from a different view
Oh, I've never gone to bed with an ugly women
But I've sure woke up with a few.

No, I've never gone to bed with an ugly woman
But I sure woke up with a few...

---

posted August 26, 2008 10:37 AM         

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Miranda Lambert / Travis Howard

It took me five bars some thirty license plates
I saw her mustang and my eyes filled up with rage
I brought my pistol but I ain't some kind of fool
So I walked right in bare-handed
She was on his arm while he was playing pool
Just like I used to do
She kissed him while I got a beer
She didn't think I'd show up here
I'm a crazy ex-girlfriend

I watched her for awhile but I didn't like her walk
She came across kinda cheap to me but hey how's that my fault
She looked at my man like he didn't have on a stitch
Somebody tell that girl to step up to the plate I'm gonna pitch ( that little Bit*^)
Those pretty girls can play their game
But their damn well gonna know my name
I'm a crazy ex-girlfriend

posted August 26, 2008 11:21 AM         

TOP 10 REASONS
Why some men favor handguns over women

#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9 - You can keep one handgun at home, and have another for when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you keep another handgun for a back up.
#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A handgun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And, The number one reason a handgun is favored over a woman...
#1 - YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN!

posted August 26, 2008 11:25 AM         

Below is a list of the top Country songs of 2004

15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
12. I Liked You Better Before I Got To Know You So Well
11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
8. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here
7. I Loved My Wife, But I Left Her Behind For You!
6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him
5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
4. You're The Reason Our Kids! Are So Ugly
3. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer

posted August 26, 2008 11:57 AM         

reminds me of a time I told my son, you better straighten up in schhol or you will end up driving a garbage truck and living in a trialer...
and he said....

posted August 26, 2008 04:45 PM         

I have neighbor's with their christmas lights still on!

uummmm... hello? LOL!

posted August 27, 2008 07:36 AM         

Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life
End over end neither left nor to right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life.

Make me, oh make me, Lord more than I am
Make me a piece in your master game plan
Free from the earthly tempestion below
I’ve got the will, Lord if you’ve got the toe.

Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life
End over end neither left nor to right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life.

Take all the brothers who’ve gone on before
And all of the sisters who’ve knocked on your door
All the departed dear loved ones of mine
Stick’em up front in the offensive line.

Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life
End over end neither left nor to right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life.

Yeah, Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life
End over end neither left nor to right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

posted August 27, 2008 08:32 AM         

dwight-yoakam as far as i know .. is a new yorker ..
but he sings with a texan twang ..

love this one .. can really relate to it for some reason
~ http://www.lyricstime.com/dwight-yoakam-streets-of-bakersfield-lyrics.html ~

and this one ..
~ http://www.lyricstime.com/dwight-yoakam-i-sang-dixie-lyrics.html ~

this one's a bit corny .. nice sentiment though
~ http://www.lyricstime.com/dwight-yoakam-send-me-the-pillow-lyrics.html ~

posted August 27, 2008 08:46 AM         

if one were a footie fan and a devoted christian .. i guess it would come accross different ..
but being 'drop kicked' sounds painful to me ..

be wondering if there's a baseball version ..
i mean being 'caught in a catchers mit' before one hits the ground with a thud ..
sounds a bit more compassionate ..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
" Take all the brothers who’ve gone on before
And all of the sisters who’ve knocked on your door
All the departed dear loved ones of mine
Stick’em up front in the offensive line."

first three lines are fine ..
but that last one .. sort of undoes it for some reason ..
i guess it depends on one's perspective ..

posted August 27, 2008 08:58 AM         

ROFL

posted August 27, 2008 10:09 AM         

did you write that?

how about this?

god, my man has left me
i'm feeling really blue
tendulkar's up to bat
and the score is 5 for 2

lee's about to bowl
my heart is at the crease
don't bowl this maiden over
god, put me out of my misery please

posted August 27, 2008 10:49 AM         

**god, put me out of my misery please**
er .. out of rythm ?
( sais finicky gemini moon 'n mars ;- )

maybe needs a pause between 'misery' 'n 'please'

god, put me out of my misery ..
.. please !!!! ..

'please' being screamed with added yodel vibrato

**did you write that?**
yeah .. just on impulse .. now - ish
( i'm no lyrics writer at all .. )

sitting here doodling on slide geetar ..
trying for some sort of tune to go with it ..
much prefer your lyrics .. :-))