posted August 31, 2008 01:58 AM         

I've been going through the divorce for 2 years now. It's almost over - our hearing is in December.

MOST importantly is the Child Custody hearing on September 9th. My ex wants sole physical custody of our child. I want joint physical custody.

He has no good reason for wanting sole physical custody. I venture to say it's because it's the only way he can still have some control over my life. Whatever the reason - it isn't fair to our son and it's not fair to me.

I'm a great mom. I was a stay at home mom for 6 years of the 7 year marriage. I gave birth naturally because it was good for the baby. I breastfed for 18 months because it was good for him. I fed him only organic homemade baby food. I was the one to take him to the doctor. I was the one to research things and fight for his rights at school when they thought he was autistic (turns out he's 'gifted'). Our son is very attached to me, of course. I am the nurturer. He can talk to me about anything - and does - with confidence.

His father loves his son so I don't want to take that from him, obviously. His son loves his father, of course, so I wouldn't dream of neglecting that. His father has been very.. manipulative of our son.. using him as a messenger, attempting to poison him against my boyfriend, grounding our son when he didn't tell his father that my boyfriend bought me something, etc. Completely pointless things. Things that enforce my decision that asking for joint physical is better for our son than me just allowing him to have sole custody or trusting his fathering techniques.

I am only asking for joint physical custody. I think that is so very fair and what is best.

I can't imagine that a judge would disagree with that but of course I am still nervous. I think going to court makes anyone nervous but I don't have a lawyer because I can't afford one so I am speaking for myself. That might work well for me but speaking in front of people makes me nervous and sweaty.

posted August 31, 2008 04:23 AM         

I cant imagine how that feels...i applaud your approach to this situation...you are truely an inspiration...your son is sooo lucky to have such a wonderful mother!!
No wonder he chose you!

posted August 31, 2008 10:07 AM         

I feel as tho I have watched him grow up and seen the wonderful Mommy job/ labor of love you have accomplished .Love & Hugs to you and Hunter.

juni

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What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world is immortal"~

posted August 31, 2008 12:41 PM         

"If one parent sues for exclusive custody, the suing parent must rebut a presumption that joint custody is in the child's best interests." http://topics.law.cornell.edu/wex/Child_custody
http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/cgi-bin/calawquery?codesection=fam&codebody=&hits=20

(From the above link [California specific])
In making an order granting custody to either parent, the court shall consider, among other factors, which parent is more likely to allow the child frequent and continuing contact with the noncustodial parent, consistent with Section 3011 and 3020, and shall not prefer a parent as custodian because of that parent's sex. The court, in its discretion, may require the parents to submit to the court a plan for the implementation of the custody order." http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/cgi-bin/displaycode?section=fam&group=03001-04000&file=3040-3048

posted August 31, 2008 01:27 PM         

**which parent is more likely to allow the child frequent and continuing contact with the noncustodial parent,**

Well.. that would automatically be me. My ex schedules activities for Hunter during his time with me, tells Hunter about it so that if I say no then I am the badguy, etc. He drops him off with me hours late with no call or if he calls and I get upset he makes is seem like I don't care about Hunter's interests. He schedules sleep overs at his house on nights Hunter should be with me. He's refused to let me have Hunter for the past two Christmases and most holidays.

It's been so frustrating and it's difficult not to get angry. I can't imagine doing that to anyone. I hope the courts can help.

posted September 11, 2008 07:14 PM         

The mediator on Monday decided she wants a full court evaluation in November. She decided I was emotionally abused during the marriage and gave me a hotline number to call. Odd for me because I've been out of the relationship for over 2 years now.

Anyway, the next day for the court hearing the ex and his lawyer were EXTREMELY eager to talk to me before we went before the judge (after ignoring me for months). So we came up with a temporary custody order until the evaluation in November.

We agreed on shared physical custody (which is what I wanted) and I now have my son almost 50% of the time (up from about 28% of the time before!) which is also what I wanted. !!!

posted September 12, 2008 08:58 AM         

i'm pleased for you. just want to say one thing to you - if you are able to get more time with him - take it.