posted October 12, 2008 11:48 AM         

Your feelings for him are inconstant? Hmm... interesting...

Question- do you know Jude's actual BT or are you guessing on the ASC? I know that BT helps sincerely when doing soulmate research so i was just wondering.

posted October 12, 2008 12:10 PM         

yes, Jude`s birthtime is official. And it fits, with the Venus-Neptune on his ASC making him a bit effeminate.

How do I see astrologically if someone is my romance soulmate or a karmic mate?

Hmm, I am not entirely sure, basing it on my emotions alone; I sometimes think there wouldn`t be enough sexual attraction between us. You know I am pretty sure I could fall in love with him, but could I also fall in lust with him?

However, that might be due to the fact that I don`t even know him, which is probably a factor that makes me restrict my feelings (Even before I myself become aware of them).

I have once loved an illusion and dedicated my whole life to this man and made him the centre of my every thought and feeling, only based on what I was "feeling", spiritually and emotionally, and I built a whole dream on it, and you know the saying: burned once, twice shy (or something like that).

I know for a fact that I wouldn`t survive such an emotional fiasco again. And I mean that. I nearly died because of this emotionally and spiritually, and only the fact that I knew my family needed me was the reason I didn`t kill myself. It was the only time that I seriously considered that. But probably I wouldn`T even have enough strength left to do that.

posted October 12, 2008 12:36 PM         

If you're not sure that you could be intensely attracted to him then are you sure you would fall IN love with him? Maybe it is that you could LOVE him but maybe not be IN love with him. Do you get what i'm saying?

I'm not saying that you couldn't be in love with him, i'm just working out what you're saying in my brain. Soulmates aren't always lovers.

I know how you feel about the last "fiasco". I do. Sincerely. After my "paul" ( and even during) i contemplated suicide. Actually, if i'm going to be honest, i fantacized about it. About the relief i would feel. About the peace i would finally have. No more pain. No more suffering. No more. Period. The only reason i didn't, the only reason i haven't is because i'm dead set on thinking that this dream i have will come true. Sooner or later he will not be able to fight me and we will inevitably be together.

So i know what you mean. And i think you even told me that i was born during that period of your life and i remind you greatly of how you felt. For that i'm sorry. I don't want to be a constant reminder of that mess you lived through.

posted October 12, 2008 12:42 PM         

1. Let me loose myself in you
aspects of Neptune to personal planets

his Neptune conjunct my Mars and ASC
my Neptune conjunct his Venus and ASC

his Neptune out of orb conjuncts my Sun, Mercury and NN
my Neptune out of orb conjuncts his Mercury

2. Haven`t we met somewhere before?
aspects of personal planets to angles

His ASC conjuncts my Mars (and out of orb conjuncts my Sun and Mercury)
My ASC out of orb conjuncts his Mercury and Venus

3. Karmic lovers

Nodes to Sun, Moon, Venus, angles

my NN conjunct his Venus and ASC

(there is also that ominous dw of SAturn conjunct SN)

4. You are my Destiny
Vertex to Sun, Moon, Venus, ASC, MC

none, but his Vertex is conjunct mine

5. Love in the afternoon
Venus to Sun or Moon

his Venus widely sextile my Moon
my Venus conjunct his Sun

6. immortal lovers
Eros-Psyche-aspects

none,
but in the Draco chart his Psyche is exactly conjunct my Draco Eros with an orb of 0°01

posted October 12, 2008 01:19 PM         

But on the other hand, how could you not be in love with him, or at least being enchanted with him?
This glow in his eyes, I mean look at his eyes, there is so much going on in their depth. And they can change from being reflective, not even taking really notice of his interviewer, as if they just look very deep inside himself, to focusing on the other one, as if he is x-raying him.
And he changes from absolute sincerity and intensity to a glorious smile about himself, about the world, back to a calm reflective attitude.
It`s so fascinating to watch his eyes, when he talks.

What did you ask? I kinda forgot.

"§About the relief i would feel. About the peace i would finally have. No more pain. No more suffering. No more. Period."
Exactly my feelings back then. I don`t think I really would have done it. Not even in my blackest mood, but that I was considering it, it was a huge shock for me.

"or that i'm sorry."
Don`t you dare feeling sorry!
It was the most amazing, most remarkable, most exciting, happiest period in my life! It was probably the only period, where there was NO doubt. Not at all. He was my twinsoul- Period.
I believed it with all that I was. And even though some years later I had to go through this dark time, I never ever regretted one moment of this summer. Not one feeling that I felt, not one thought.
I often wondered if I wished I had never layed eyes on him. But there is no way I could ever wish for that. He`s one of the most remarkable men that walk on this earth, and to this day I deeply care for him, and I am convinced that we have been close in another life before. And even if we can`t be in this life, there is no way this tie can ever be broken.
It may not be what I dreamed it would be. But it still is strong, and still, when I see him, I just feel full of energy and am happy. Just happy that he exists, and I only wish the best for him, and I am thankful, so thankful, for what I was allowed to experience, even though it didn`t have my prefered fairy tale ending.
But oyu know some stories just never end. They only change, as the protagonists grow.

I am not in love with him anymore. But I sincerely love him, and I will love him until I die, and something tells me, probably even longer than that.
But it`s a very platonic kind of love, now it is at least. And maybe it always has been. I mean the lives I remember having shared with him we were mainly friends (who sometimes turned into lovers but not always) and I remember one life, when he was my big brother. It was somewhere in France, and I was maybe 13 years old, having Leucemia (how ironic that my doc just told me that I probably was being anaemic), and I was dying. He was away, and I and my family was afraid he wouldn`t make it in time so I could see him again. But he did, and when he came, I could die.

This was a scene that I saw in front of my inner eye, shortly after I saw his picture and heard his voice for the first time. Strange, hu? I do not know if that really was a past life memory, but if it was not, it tells something about my emotional connection to him I think.

posted October 12, 2008 01:22 PM         

his Neptune trine my Venus, Chiron, Jupiter
My Neptune opposite his Moon, square his Sun and NN

2. Haven`t we met somewhere before?
aspects of personal planets to angles

ASC conjunct ASC
His ASC conjunct my Pluto
My ASC opp his Mars

3. Karmic lovers

Nodes to Sun, Moon, Venus, angles

My NN square his Mars/ASC
His NN trine my Sun, sextile my Moon, square my Venus/Chiron/Saturn, inconjunct my ASC

4. You are my Destiny
Vertex to Sun, Moon, Venus, ASC, MC

Vertex conjunct Vertex (like you & Jude)

5. Love in the afternoon
Venus to Sun or Moon

His Sun square my Venus, Moon conjunct my Venus

6. immortal lovers
Eros-Psyche-aspects

His Eros trine my Psyche

posted October 12, 2008 01:31 PM         

Really? Just platonic now? Wow... i'm amazed. I have this theory that some people can't be JUST FRIENDS. There's too much tension, too much intensity. The feelings are too powerful to be friends. It's all or nothing. So to hear that you were so in love with him and now you're just friends well.. i don't know. It's hard for me to swallow. It's hard for me to imagine you not forever being IN love with him. But then again, you and i are different. We view things differently and feel things differently. So i'm not questioning you, i'm just in awe.

With Jude, honestly, i am attracted to him. However, i think that we would have nothing in common. I get the sense that we would not be able to get along. We'd annoy each other. He'd think i was a b1tch, i'd think he was an @sshole. I don't know why, but i think that's how it would be. So how can i not fall for him? It's simple really. I think i might be able to lust for him (he is rather girly! ) but there has to be more than that.

posted October 12, 2008 02:08 PM         

"ou wouldn't have killed yourself?"
No, I don`t think. I mean I felt like I was dead anyway.
However, I also always thought that suicide is something for cowards. Life is **** sometimes, and it is really painful, but I have no right of taking a life, not even my own, and I think it might be the greater lesson to learn and live even despite the pain. NO easy way out for me. NOt even back then.
I am only talking for me here. I do not have the right to judge anyone. But I have the feeling that my life`s lesson is to live it and not to choose the short exit.
Besides I love being alive.

"Wow... i'm amazed. I have this theory that some people can't be JUST FRIENDS."
Well, as I tried to say, it was not a real thing in the sense that we really knew each other. More some kind of a star-crush-thing for me. And I never thought this would impress me so deeply. But he had a lasting impression on me until today.

"So i'm not questioning you,"
You may question me whenever you want. It`s actually positive, as I am prone to selfdeception.

"With Jude, honestly, i am attracted to him."
Wow, that actually pinched (and I am not even the jealous type ...said the girl with Venus squaring Pluto. lol)

But honestly, I can`t really understand how people don`t find him beautiful at least.

" However, i think that we would have nothing in common."
What do you mean? What would you think are your differences?

"He'd think i was a b1tch, i'd think he was an @sshole."
Why do you think that?

Contrary to common media opinion I do not think he is an ******* . He is just a private person (or tries to be) and he``s been making mistakes. I do not want to excuse anything he did (yeah, I am thinking of the nanny-affair, ecause everything else he did as a single healthy man), but we don`t even know what REALLY happened.

posted October 12, 2008 02:22 PM         

I think our differences would be in opinions. We both have this sort of fixed intensity, so i think we would get into heated arguements. Neither one would give in because we both believe too strongly in what we say. I think we would differ in tastes too. Lack of common ground. What would talk about? What would we both mutually like? Maybe he wants to go see a big blockbuter and i want to go lay in the grass and talk about childhood memories. Just those sort of differences.

I think if we ever worked together we would have different opinions about how to act out the scene. I would tell him to do his job this way and he would tell me to do my job that way. You know?

It's just a vibe i get. I can't describe it. I don't know what would show that in synastry, but it's there.

As for your not-killing-yourself, is it a cowardly thing? Yes. But i think sometimes you get to a point where you can't be brave. You have to put up that white flag. I knew i was a coward, and i did not care. I didn't care. People tell me all the time, "So many people have it sooo much worse than you"- and they're right. But try telling that to someone who is dead already anyways.

posted October 12, 2008 02:48 PM         

quote:

---

bm
Isn't Russell moody and rugged in everything. Do I sense a soft spot for him?

---

Yes, but I'm not telling you whereabouts it is located.

posted October 12, 2008 03:30 PM         

" No Venus/Mars aspects, so i don't know why i think he's attractive."
Well, there are not really Venus-Mars-aspects in our case unless you count the Venus-Mars-conjunction with an orb of almost 8°, but then you`d have to count the Venus-ASC-conjunction with 6°, too.
But it`s kinda clinging all together in Sagittarius, I guess.

My Mars: 5°
His Neptune: 6°
my ASC: 7°
his ASC: 9°
my Neptune and NN: 10°
his Venus: 13°

Other interesting "intense" aspects concerning Venus or Mars might be:
my Venus square his Pluto
my Mars conjunct his ASC
(his Mars wiiiidely conjunct my Mars by 6°)
my Mars sextile his Pluto
his Pluto trine my DSC
my Pluto trine his DSC

my Venus conjunct his Sun is probably more warmly affectionate than sexual

Oh but the ruler of his 8th house conjunctgs my 5th house ruler very closely.

"We both have this sort of fixed intensity,"
Yes I can see that.

"so i think we would get into heated arguements."
But those arguments could be very fruitful, don`t you think?
Of course not if both of you were too stubborn to accept the validity of each other`s opinion.

"hat would talk about?"
Well, I`d like to know if HE understood what the writer of "I heart huckabees" wanted to say. I have no clue. First time ever. Just no clue, what that is all about. lol
I probably would like to talk to him about his visits in Afghanistan. My aunt will spend her holiday, four weeks in november, in Togo, Africa, to help out at an "institute", which helps AFrican children,w hose hearing is disabled.

Also, he once had been asked how to make the world better and he answered to put more money into education,w hich I find highly interesting and definitely agree; I am a teacher after all.

OH and I think we like the same kind of music.

"at would we both mutually like? Maybe he wants to go see a big blockbuter and i want to go lay in the grass and talk about childhood memories."
Don`t know about him, but I would like both. There`s a time for everything.

And I also like the fact that he is taking his children to the museum. Actually the one thing beside Jude and meeting my emailfriend, I am looking forawrd to beeing in London, is being maybe able to visit the British library. Really really looking forward to it.
I`m a real museum-fan actually. Probably not "cool", but I have never been among those "cool" kids. So why change it now?
I LOVE museums. Maybe I will revisit the film museum again; I ahve done when I was in London the first time. Covent Garden was BUZZING and I HAD to go to that museum, on my own. Maybe I`ll find my "lost time" again. Happens sometimes in museums. I lose the awareness of place and time.

"As for your not-killing-yourself, is it a cowardly thing?"
I do not want to judge anyone. IT was just what I felt for ME:

"i think sometimes you get to a point where you can't be brave."
Admit defeat? Never.
I probably would have to do it all again in the next life.

"It was just a star-crush? Ok. Yeah, that's different. But then how could you have been so ruined??"
That is the question, isn`t it?

posted October 12, 2008 04:20 PM         

The Venus/Pluto, Mars/ASC, Pluto/DC HAS to be effecting your attraction. That would add intensity, definitely. Congrats!

I think i understand why Jude and i don't fit now:

My Sun sextile his Saturn
My Mercury square his Venus
My Mercury square his Saturn (TOLD YA!)
My Moon trine his Saturn

I would just feel too restricted. He would try to dominate me. No good!

His Venus trines my Sun and sextiles my Moon, so maybe he would like me. However, my Venus is opp his Jupiter and squares his Uranus, so i would feel quite different.

He's not a staple of fascination for me like he is you. Jude to you is Ralph to me. You can't understand why everyone isn't in love with Jude and i definitely can't understand why everyone isn't in love with Ralph. However, it's probably better that way. If i had extraordinary synastry with Jude, your heart would break. And vice versa for you and Ralph. My heart would shatter.

posted October 12, 2008 04:42 PM         

Mr bm's Mars/Neptune T-Square gets Grand Crossed with my Taurus stellium (in a T-Square) so I am used to the feeling. Oh, and being the dream crusher.

But once bitten, twice shy, mmm, no, he kept on going and here we are ~~

Drink. He likes that.

It would take rather more than 2 glasses of wine to get him to the talking bollocks stage. Maybe 2 bottles. Though some would say....

I was once sick on a New York street after drinking some wine in a bar. Mr bm was quite proud, and took it as a sign that living with a frenchman for so long meant my body was no longer able to support sub-standard plonk.

His father also approves of my dislike of champers. Made for the *tactfully censor name of export destination* market, he sniffs, as he cracks open something more suitable for the discerning European palette.

posted October 12, 2008 04:55 PM         

quote:

---

Bunch of Dirty Bleeders (That's my new saying by the way, BM )

---

There is a job for me somewhere in marketing, promoting English culture.

Or maybe in PR, look at the fantastic work I did promoting Colin. He should employ me.

He really should. I had my job review this week.

"No-one has complained about you. You always turned up."

posted October 12, 2008 05:35 PM         

"My Mercury square his Saturn (TOLD YA!)"
Ouch, wouldn`t want to have that one. I told you I am VERY sensitive, when it comes to my MErcury or the guy`s Mercury.
Luckily my MErcury has a sextile to his Moon / Uranus-conjunction, conjuncts his Mercury.
And his MErcury widely conjuncts my Sun and MErcury, sextiles my Moon and exactly trines my Chiron.
Since Mercury rules both our DSC, it means that our 7th house rulers are conjunct. A conjunction that is now approaching exactness in the progressed synastry.

"My Moon trine his Saturn"
I also have that. But I think it may add a somewhat stabilizing factor, even though I agree, there is something about him, that makes me feel as if I could easily be stifled by him. But that could also be the Saturn conjunct each other`s SN.

"He would try to dominate me."
In my case he could try. And truth, his Pluto squares my Venus.
But my Pluto squares his Sun. Let`s see who dominates whom.
EVen though it`s probably a real bad aspect. Or one that brings even more intensity.

"is Venus trines my Sun and sextiles my Moon, so maybe he would like me. However, my Venus is opp his Jupiter and squares his Uranus, so i would feel quite different."
So, if we only compare Venus-aspects

My Venus conjuncts his Sun and squares his Pluto.
His Venus sextiles my Moon, widely conjuncts my Mars and ASC, squares my Jupiter, widely sextiles my Pluto and conjuncts my NN and Neptune.

posted October 12, 2008 05:36 PM         

"u keep saying you were a dreamer- that's not a bad thing you know."
No, it is not. It just becomes kinda "bad" if your dreams become a "substitute" reality. I have to be wary of that.
But on the other hand there is a fine line between dreams who are just illusions and deeply spiritual intution and experiences.
And much of my "dreams" have kinda come true, even though differently than I had hoped.
But I knwo it is all for the best.

OH and I just remembered where I had seen Sean Bean before. He played a part in Jude`s first film "Shopping", real trash.
But somehow I like these "early" films, they had some kind of humour and a certain edge, a rawness that really shocked me at times, but that seemed more honest than some of the more polished things of today.
I`m thinking of "Love honour and obey" for example, or even "Wisdom of the crocodiles". And even "Shopping", even though not having a good script or a script at all. :laughing;, it had an athmosphere unlike any blockbusters today. Raw and kinda dirty, even vulgar at times. And I never realized before that I actually like that. lol

posted October 12, 2008 05:39 PM         

Who is your soul lover? PA had RDJ, DD has Jude, I have Ralph, You have... Sean? Do tell!

And tell us about your ideal guy and his qualities too.

posted October 12, 2008 06:03 PM         

Well I must like mr bm a whole lot because I can't say this is something I feel the lack of in my life.

But I wouldn't be one to turn down the prospect of a wild night of debauchery with Russell or Sean or whoever strikes my Geminian mood at the time.

posted October 12, 2008 06:17 PM         

Oh wait, i know... Joe Jonas You animal, you!!!

Maybe Mr. BM IS your soul lover. Even though he is an "old fart". I'm sure you say that with great affection.

posted October 12, 2008 06:19 PM         

I tend to like the earthy and masculine but considerate type of man, maybe a tad difficult. Probably a bit unusual in some way.

Though I might not like to admit it I am going to have a problem not being able to converse with someone, they don't have to be dazzling intelligence and sparky conversation, common-sense and the ability to string together a sentence will do.

posted October 12, 2008 06:23 PM         

When you say unusual in some way, do you mean... ODD or do you mean quirky?

I think the type of man you would be attracted to would have to be able to keep up with your wit. I can see a rugged, pub-attending, hands-on working, dirty-minded, hairy-chested, englishman sweeping you off your feet with a few dirty jokes and a ready-to-rumble suggestion.