posted October 31, 2008 12:03 PM            

quote:

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Yes, but the only thing that didn't fit - I couldn't work out - was why would you would cheat on him? Because if you had him, you wouldn't do that. That's just what didn't fit for me. But in the name of art, flow with the story, for whatever reason, you did, and on it went.

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Exactly. I wouldn't cheat.

Hmm... *strokes imaginery goatee*...

posted October 31, 2008 12:04 PM            

quote:

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I actually thought you, PA, would think it was hot. The Sean scenario, not Ralph and i. The anger. The urgency. Her being caught. Him still wanting her madly after she hurt him so. Buuuttttt.... maybe not. Maybe too graphic. Maybe too much.

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posted October 31, 2008 12:05 PM            

Chances are, he might be offended. Maybe he wouldn't, I don't know him.

But I could make a fair guess.

posted October 31, 2008 12:05 PM            

quote:

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I actually thought you, PA, would think it was hot

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posted October 31, 2008 12:05 PM            

quote:

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meta

I think that you would want him to grab your face, and grab you in his desperation - not that you've cheated on him, but his thoughts that you may have, and the pain this causes him - that you having shared yourself or your love with another would bring to him - because it would show you (and him) how much you mean to him - how much he loves you.

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PA,

You just hit a nerve. I deep rooted nerve.

In all seriousness, you just read me like a ******* book. That's a true, deep fantasy of mine...

posted October 31, 2008 12:05 PM              

" thought you would see the picture clearly. You would get what i meant. Maybe even caught up in it. I expected that from you. I don't know why..."
Because I`m like you ... in parts.
Just felt like writing that. I know we are different on some levels, but I think this "fantasy"-level, we share; we`re on the same page here.
I mean come on, I LOVE vampires, I am ADDICTED To them, I`m insanely ATTRACTED to vampire novels and films.
And those creatures don`t really ask much, either.
It ties into how PA analysed my personality on the 1st page. It`s who I am, what I am and what I need.

posted October 31, 2008 12:07 PM            

quote:

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Somewhere along the line you slipped into my psyche, i believe and now you know me too well..

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posted October 31, 2008 12:07 PM            

quote:

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I shouldn't say this but...whatever you see in him, he's nearly 50 and is from working-class Yorkshire. Chances are, he might be offended.

Maybe he wouldn't, I don't know him.

But I could make a fair guess.

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Are you talking to me about Sean?

posted October 31, 2008 12:08 PM            

quote:

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Well, here's a strange anomly for me. Because I can't see Sean in that role. But I can definitely see Rafe. Not with you. But that's how I see Rafe, I guess.

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posted October 31, 2008 12:09 PM            

quote:

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Because I`m like you ... in parts.
Just felt like writing that. I know we are different on some levels, but I think this "fantasy"-level, we share; we`re on the same page here.

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posted October 31, 2008 12:11 PM              

I do not picture Sean in that scene either.

PA,

posted October 31, 2008 12:11 PM            

quote:

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Sorry, it's this thing that I do. I don't mean to, it's just there.

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No. I didn't mean it to sound badly. I meant that.. well... i've never said that in so many words, but what you said is a perfect definition. Spot on. And it hit me in the chest- right square in the chest- when i read that.

posted October 31, 2008 12:13 PM            

quote:

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Meta,

I do not picture Sean in that scene either.

PA,

"But I can definitely see Rafe. Not with you. But that's how I see Rafe, I guess."
A faint (past-life) memory maybe?

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Believe me when i say i truly didn't paint that picture with either myself and/or Ralph in mind. Please don't think i just said "Sean" when i meant someone else.

posted October 31, 2008 12:14 PM              

it even hit me in the chest, the thing that PA wrote, and it wasn`t even about me!

posted October 31, 2008 12:15 PM            

quote:

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I was moved by you.

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posted October 31, 2008 12:19 PM            

quote:

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Meta,

it even hit me in the chest, the thing that PA wrote, and it wasn`t even about me!

She`s really psychic, isn`t she?

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Were you?!

posted October 31, 2008 12:20 PM              

I have found that often when I write, my subcionsciousness will stirr.

And sometimes I have been really startled by my own writing, telling myself that I couldn`t have written this.

posted October 31, 2008 12:20 PM            

quote:

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Only because sometimes you feel that no matter how well you express yourself, you're not understood as you intended/desired. So when you feel heard (understood) - you really appreciate it. I'm the same. Words are tricky things. But when we're understood the way we intended - wow! They're this wonderful thing. And it gives us wings.

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..How do you know this...

I'm being dead serious.

posted October 31, 2008 12:23 PM            

quote:

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Meta,

I have found that often when I write, my subcionsciousness will stirr.

And sometimes I have been really startled by my own writing, telling myself that I couldn`t have written this.

So, yes, I think, if a story, a scene comes from deep inside it may be your subcionsiousness talking to you, at least partly.

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You scare yourself DD? That's a serious sign.

But... yeah. You must be right. Whether i intend it to be that way or not... it, just... fits. It fits. In some strange way.

I mean... i write poetry, but i'm AWARE that i mean what i mean. I don't write stories. Or scenes. I just think them. I've written a few on here, but i never put myself in the equation.

posted October 31, 2008 12:24 PM              

I sometimes think that is what people are secretly searching, when they are having sex. A deep understanding of each other`s whole psyche. To merge so deeply into each other, that they can feel with each other`s senses.

And in some way something like this is possible on the mental level,too.

Does that mean PA is having mental sex with Meta?

Just kidding, but I hope you know what I mean.

posted October 31, 2008 12:25 PM            

quote:

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How do you know these things? How do know i'm like this? I feel like you're in my brain. Finding out secrets.

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posted October 31, 2008 12:27 PM            

quote:

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There`s nothing greater than being understood,b eing known, being RECOGNIZED.

I sometimes think that is what people are secretly searching, when they are having sex. A deep understanding of each other`s whole psyche. To merge so deeply into each other, that they can feel with each other`s senses.

And in some way something like this is possible on the mental level,too.

Does that mean PA is having mental sex with Meta?

Just kidding, but I hope you know what I mean.

To be seen, to be really understood down into the depth of the last corner of your soul, what a wondeful magic that is!

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No, i totally agree. With everything you said, DD. We WANT- no... we NEED to be understood. When we feel understood completely by someone, well... that's how love blossoms. In friends and lovers. When we fall for someone it's because we feel like there is potential to be completely understood.

posted October 31, 2008 12:30 PM            

But it wasn't intended admonishinigly.

That's just a cultural thing. Easy for me to get, I'm from a similar background. I know men like Sean.

posted October 31, 2008 12:31 PM            

quote:

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No, no - I'm not in your brain. I hate that. I'm not invasive. I don't do that - I know people who do that, but I don't do that. I just know things. I can't explain it - that's what I do - I see into people.

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I'm not saying you're invading. You're just... you're knowing me. Without me saying things, you're knowing me. You're reading in between the lines, i think. Maybe.. maybe it's like you're finding allegories (a greater meaning) in different things i write.

I don't know. I'm trying to explain this, and obviously it's not working.

I just feel startled is all. I don't mean to make such a fuss about all this. My rant is coming to an end. I just wanted to let you know how vulnerable i feel right now. But not in a bad way. In a... frightened, sad way. Almost with a sense of being discovered.