posted March 27, 2009 04:05 PM         

my second husband (the cheater) and i were trying to reconcile. he brought the moving truck full of crap to my new house and started unloading it. i said lets keep your living room furniture cuz mine is stiff. ok. takes the stuff to the road. we get into an arguement about what rooms to put our five computers in. five right. shouldnt be a problem. well he wanted one in every room except my oldest daughters and after argueing for a period of time, i said, look, this isn't going to work, seriously five flipping computers and were going to fight about it? load your truck back up and just leave. well he loaded up his truck and left and i look outside and there goes some happy family with my living room furniture in the back of thier truck. should i cry, should i laugh? i sat down in my empty living room and did both.

posted March 27, 2009 05:16 PM         

When I was around 18 my Taurus/Aries cusp boyfriend at the time wanted to surprise me with something special for Valentine's Day. So around the time he's expected at my place that day, I peek out from the living room window and wait until I see his truck pulling up to my driveway.
He parks, gets out, and is holding a bunch of red heart-shaped balloons in one hand while the other hand is balancing a GIGANTIC square-shaped cake, complete with frosting (which, btw, he made himself).
So he's walking up the driveway and then just TRIPS, sending the cake face-down in the driveway. I'm hiding my face behind the curtain at this point, trying not to laugh. I look again and he's having a Tasmanian Devil fit on the driveway, jumping up and down like a maniac.

I run upstairs to my room, and about 5 minutes later he comes in, holding the disheveled remains of the cake. I act all innocent like I wasn't watching and express concern. He's completely irate about the cake, goes to put it down, and all of a sudden the balloons he was holding float up to the ceiling POP POP POP POP on the popcorn ceiling, one after the other, bits of balloon falling on his head

posted March 27, 2009 05:20 PM         

my first husband (the beater) brought me a dozen roses in october, i was about 18. he could not spell for crap.
the card said to my sweatheart on sweat-est day!

my mother called me his sweat-hog for YEARS!

posted March 28, 2009 07:18 PM         

chesirekat - glad you made it home safely AND kept karma at bay with your honesty!!

MVM - that is one story to laugh at - poor guy!!

katatonic - ever thought of starring in a Chuck Norris movie?

Can't say I can think of any stories, except one about my youngest brother who will kill me if he knew I was telling this.....

When my brother was 8 years old, he was invited to a friend's fancy dress birthday party. He slipped on his full body black stocking with skeleton bones painted on it, and off he toddled.

He arrived at his friend's house, knocked on the door, to have it opened to a room full a big burly football players. He had arrived one week too early.

posted April 01, 2009 09:54 AM         

I love everybody's stories!

I can't think of one from my own life but here's one my sister reminded me of the other day.

She had a boyfriend who was going through training (16 weeks of hell) to become a Royal Marine. She heard he had some leave coming up and went to visit him.

Not only was his base very far away from where she lived at the time, it was quite isolated and she had to walk about 6 miles (neither had any money at the time). So, she's waiting and waiting and waiting outside. He doesn't show up. She waits about 5 hours, then walks another 6 miles, back to the train station and back to where she came from about 100 miles away. She is devastated as she hasn't seen him for something like 13 weeks.

So why didn't he show up?

Well Marines training being what it is, they want to break your spirit. They said they would let him out on leave on one condition.

His commanding officer said to him:
"You can go, if you show me your best f*** face". (ie the face made at point of orgasm).

So he's standing there, on the parade ground, doing these faces. He really tried his best, gurning and looking like he was in ecstasy, but the commanding officer said "Nah, I think you're faking that orgasm" and got a few other people over to look at his efforts, and they too concluded that he was faking, and that it was not the best f*** face they'd seen, not by a long chalk.

So they didn't let him out. They made him peel potatoes.

So my sister didn't get to see his real life proper f*** face either. Not for weeks.