Post-a-joke 3.0 - Lindaland

Lindaland

Lindaland Central

Post-a-joke 3.0 (Page 3)

profile | register | preferences | faq

UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone!
This topic is 4 pages long: 1 2 3 4

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Author	Topic: Post-a-joke 3.0
Randall Webmaster Posts: 53988 From: Saturn next to Charmaine Registered: Apr 2009	posted July 02, 2011 01:02 PM Still plan on posting some. IP: Logged
Randall Webmaster Posts: 53988 From: Saturn next to Charmaine Registered: Apr 2009	posted July 03, 2011 04:04 PM Me, AG, and Silverstone were on a camping trip. We each had our own tent. We heard AG scream, so we ran over to him and asked what was wrong. He said, "I was bitten by a poisonous snake." We told him to relax and that we would walk to the town (about a mile away) to speak with a doctor. The doctor gave us a scalpel and told us to cut a small incision in the bite area and suck out the venom. We hurried back and asked AG where he was bitten. He said, "In my privates. What did the doctor say?" My response: "Um, the doctor said you're going to die." IP: Logged
jwhop Knowflake Posts: 8211 From: Madeira Beach, FL USA Registered: Apr 2009	posted August 12, 2011 12:51 PM Received by email The recession has hit everybody really hard... My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced. I saw a Mormon with only one wife. The bank returned a check marked "Insufficient Funds" and I had to call them to ask if they meant them or me. McDonald's started selling Quarter-Ouncers. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico. A picture is now only worth 200 words. When Bill and Hillary travelled together they had to share a room. The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates. And, finally... I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck. IP: Logged
Randall Webmaster Posts: 53988 From: Saturn next to Charmaine Registered: Apr 2009	posted August 17, 2011 10:00 AM ------------------ "To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing." Aristotle IP: Logged
Randall Webmaster Posts: 53988 From: Saturn next to Charmaine Registered: Apr 2009	posted August 18, 2011 01:02 PM Gotta love recession jokes. ------------------ "To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing." Aristotle IP: Logged
jwhop Knowflake Posts: 8211 From: Madeira Beach, FL USA Registered: Apr 2009	posted August 23, 2011 01:56 AM Yep IP: Logged
Voix_de_la_Mer Knowflake Posts: 1509 From: You. Registered: Aug 2011	posted August 23, 2011 06:40 AM An irishman was ironing his curtains. He fell out the window. IP: Logged
charmainec Knowflake Posts: 8746 From: Venus next to Randall Registered: Apr 2009	posted August 23, 2011 08:05 AM IP: Logged
Randall Webmaster Posts: 53988 From: Saturn next to Charmaine Registered: Apr 2009	posted August 24, 2011 07:43 AM ------------------ "To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing." Aristotle IP: Logged
Voix_de_la_Mer Knowflake Posts: 1509 From: You. Registered: Aug 2011	posted August 24, 2011 02:49 PM What do you call a donkey with one leg? A wonkey. What do you call a donkey with one leg, and one eye? A winky-wonkey lol IP: Logged
Randall Webmaster Posts: 53988 From: Saturn next to Charmaine Registered: Apr 2009	posted August 25, 2011 10:16 AM ------------------ "To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing." Aristotle IP: Logged
Randall Webmaster Posts: 53988 From: Saturn next to Charmaine Registered: Apr 2009	posted August 26, 2011 01:36 PM What do you call an angry gorilla? Anything he wants you to. I know, I know, it's cheesy, but I just made it up. I won't quit my day job. ------------------ "To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing." Aristotle IP: Logged
Randall Webmaster Posts: 53988 From: Saturn next to Charmaine Registered: Apr 2009	posted August 27, 2011 11:02 AM Predeclined credit card. IP: Logged
Randall Webmaster Posts: 53988 From: Saturn next to Charmaine Registered: Apr 2009	posted January 30, 2012 09:44 AM ------------------ "Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged
Randall Webmaster Posts: 53988 From: Saturn next to Charmaine Registered: Apr 2009	posted February 10, 2012 12:47 PM bump IP: Logged
Lexxigramer Moderator Posts: 4604 From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion! Registered: Feb 2012	posted January 20, 2013 03:12 PM bump IP: Logged
LoadedPistil Moderator Posts: 3030 From: NJ, USA Registered: Feb 2014	posted March 24, 2014 03:26 PM Mrs. Broomfield's dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman. He couldn't accommodate her with an evening appointment,and since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. By the way, don't worry about my Rottweiler. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do not under any circumstances talk to my parrot!" When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Broomfield's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen. But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business. However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant squawking and talking. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled: "Shut up, you stupid bird!" To which the parrot replied: "Get him, Brutus!" ------------------ Leo ♌️ Sun Scorpio ♏ Moon Cancer ♋ Rising Svātī Nakshatra IP: Logged
jwhop Knowflake Posts: 8211 From: Madeira Beach, FL USA Registered: Apr 2009	posted March 27, 2014 12:02 PM Two dogs talking. I met someone wonderful in a chat room. Then, I found out she's a cat! IP: Logged
Randall Webmaster Posts: 53988 From: Saturn next to Charmaine Registered: Apr 2009	posted March 28, 2014 12:28 PM IP: Logged
Desiring Shadows Knowflake Posts: 2470 From: UNITED STATES, BABY Registered: Jan 2012	posted March 28, 2014 02:25 PM I HAVE A DIRTY JOKE FOR YOU GUYS........ the boy fell in the mud. ------------------ My Chart! " Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present." -Joan Rivers "Be who u r and say what u feel cuz those who matter dont mind & those who mind don't matter" -Dr.Seuss "Never mistake silence for ignorance, calmness for acceptance, or kindness for weakness." -Carson Kolhoff IP: Logged
Desiring Shadows Knowflake Posts: 2470 From: UNITED STATES, BABY Registered: Jan 2012	posted March 28, 2014 02:27 PM Your mom is so stupid she went to a dentist to get a blue tooth! ------------------ My Chart! " Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present." -Joan Rivers "Be who u r and say what u feel cuz those who matter dont mind & those who mind don't matter" -Dr.Seuss "Never mistake silence for ignorance, calmness for acceptance, or kindness for weakness." -Carson Kolhoff IP: Logged
Desiring Shadows Knowflake Posts: 2470 From: UNITED STATES, BABY Registered: Jan 2012	posted March 28, 2014 02:29 PM Why do Jews have big noses? BECAUSE AIR IS FREE! (If that offends you, sorry. I'm Jewish too, so its all cool.) ------------------ My Chart! " Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present." -Joan Rivers "Be who u r and say what u feel cuz those who matter dont mind & those who mind don't matter" -Dr.Seuss "Never mistake silence for ignorance, calmness for acceptance, or kindness for weakness." -Carson Kolhoff IP: Logged
Desiring Shadows Knowflake Posts: 2470 From: UNITED STATES, BABY Registered: Jan 2012	posted March 28, 2014 02:32 PM quote: Originally posted by Randall: Me, AG, and Silverstone were on a camping trip. We each had our own tent. We heard AG scream, so we ran over to him and asked what was wrong. He said, "I was bitten by a poisonous snake." We told him to relax and that we would walk to the town (about a mile away) to speak with a doctor. The doctor gave us a scalpel and told us to cut a small incision in the bite area and suck out the venom. We hurried back and asked AG where he was bitten. He said, "In my privates. What did the doctor say?" My response: "Um, the doctor said you're going to die." Oh, thats not bad. a gay guy would love it! ------------------ My Chart! " Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present." -Joan Rivers "Be who u r and say what u feel cuz those who matter dont mind & those who mind don't matter" -Dr.Seuss "Never mistake silence for ignorance, calmness for acceptance, or kindness for weakness." -Carson Kolhoff IP: Logged
Desiring Shadows Knowflake Posts: 2470 From: UNITED STATES, BABY Registered: Jan 2012	posted March 28, 2014 02:37 PM quote: Originally posted by jwhop: A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves the dollar. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!" Later, the customer leaves, and sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. He asks. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!" IP: Logged
Desiring Shadows Knowflake Posts: 2470 From: UNITED STATES, BABY Registered: Jan 2012	posted April 14, 2014 11:57 AM A flight attendant was assisting the passengers and came up to a man and asked him politely. "Sir,would you like headphones?" And the man replied "Yes, but how did you know my name was Phones?" IP: Logged

This topic is 4 pages long: 1 2 3 4 All times are Eastern Standard Time	next newest topic \| next oldest topic
Administrative Options: Close Topic \| Archive/Move \| Delete Topic
	Hop to:

Contact Us | Linda-Goodman.com