posted April 09, 2009 10:34 PM            

quote:

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And to me it is obvious in this site
that you are well loved, admired and umm - useful.

---

I dont pay much attention to how
others here are being received, but,
there does seem to be quite a few people
here who give me grief constantly.

Sometimes it seems like I cannot start a thread
without at least one person jumping to conclusions
and making all sorts of insinuations about me and my motives.
It can be very grating on my nerves, and makes peace difficult.

And when I make greater efforts to be diplomatic,
they get even more aggressive and accuse me
of being insensitive, arrogant, and manipulative...

It is really sad when people judge like that.

I have been called just about everything you can think of,
and a few things that even you havent thought of yet.

From weak, to wimp, to whiner, to spoiled brat,
to pretentious, pompous, deluded, escapist, opportunist...

Feel free to consult this handy list the next time
you are squinting to see the very worst in me.

quote:

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After all, didn't one poor guy get banned for calling someone else an idiot!? Wow, the 'just' and their motivations. It's easy to sacrifice those who are not useful - how disappointing to see. Interesting though!

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I dont know about one poor guy,
but I know a few people have voiced
much more degrading insults than that,
and been forgiven for it, yes.

I think Randall hesitates to boot some people
because he sees beyond their occassional flare-ups,
and recognizes a person who really tries to be good.
I think his conscience prevents him from booting
people who consistently post "useful" things,
and show that they are bigger than their worst act;
or that they are more than just their biggest flaw.

Yes, I think Randall, and a few others, welcome my contributions.

I am certainly not without my faults and blindspots.
If you wish to focus on them, it will not be very difficult.
You will find them easily enough, with or without looking,
and, if you are the type of person who sees only flaws,
or only the ones that particularly rub you the wrong way,
then, I suppose, you could just overlook everything else about me.

Then, every time you respond to something I've written,
you can place the greatest part of your attention
on whatever flaw of mine you personally dislike,
and, if you wanted to, you could hound me obnoxiously
from thread to thread, making pithy remarks about my flaws; --
or whatever it is about me that you consider a flaw.

If you want to do that.

But, just between you and me, Chryseis,
I think you would be missing out on a lot.

posted April 09, 2009 11:39 PM              

Well, I have to admire you for your exceptional writing and thinking, no doubt about that. And, before I go any further(oops), I would like to say how perfectly grateful I am to be able to have accessed some of your wonderful postings and of others here too.

The burr here is -

not your confidence - I don't notice that

not your values - they seem only tentative

not for making a stand - you are most welcome to that

I think what it is, is that you have become part of a focus of an ongoing disappointment in me over the characteristics of groups. I have mentioned this to you before.

I'm sorry that you represent a hook in these frustrations for me, so I will so forth try to temper my reactions to where you appear to exemplify some of my irritations to do with the preceding paragraph.

Essentially, I thought initially I had discovered an open and active website where people could freely share an expansive diversity in alternative interests and perhaps some of our experiences and personal learning. Astrology - I love it!!

It didn't take too long before I realized that people will tend to overlook outrageous and abusive behaviours in order to fit in, feel that they belong, and also for some, this behaviour has to be tolerated so as to maintain a daily interactive and refreshing content. If the behaviour was occasional or maybe on the edge this would be understandable. However, it is not. It is endemic.

The trouble is, I can't stand exploitation and corruption. The crumbs offered in true connection and friendship are small compared to the huge greedy gulping of anything that can be sensationally utilised - either in the personal sphere or just to feed the fatted calf.

I like to think about these things though. I like to wonder why I am looking for somewhere to interact that keeps that kind of undertow to a minimum. I guess an internet site such as this will always be in antithesis to a structure based on integrity. Superficially yes it would appear to be exceptional, and certainly elements of it have the utmost integrity.

I guess I find it disheartening when the dedicated pilgrims are occasionally slapped down, pushed over, and ridiculed. All the fawning and politically correct virtual affection just doesn't quite make up for that kind of appalling treatment - in my eyes anyway. The good will in accepting some of the charades and faux ententes is upsetting to me.

I was looking back over a lot of the threads/forums from the beginning and it was really quite fascinating. Originally, there seemed to be a great diversity in authentic posters and the dynamics were electrifying. I wish I had known about the site then. In about the last 2 yrs in the content, I have noticed a decided change. It had been slowly creeping in anyway. I think a huge amount of authentics have dropped off and now I guess people happening by now have to toe the line in proper observance, or become disappointed by the predominant structure and consequently wander off of their own accord.

Even though, I may sound aggressive, I think I'm really only trying to voice some of my chagrin. It's not for others to be what I'm looking for - my views are highly subjective in this matter.

posted April 10, 2009 12:19 AM            

quote:

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It's not for others to be what I'm looking for -
my views are highly subjective in this matter.

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Well said.

posted April 10, 2009 03:07 AM            

Just regarding the I Ching though, I know I talked about the lofty aspirations on how 'humbling' is portrayed. But it really would be impossible for me to it justice with my own words. Mainly because I haven't fully understood it all yet (otherwise I'd be humble!! ) and also because words can be incredibly imperfect when describing emotion/feeling. A point you made in your post. Even the greatest writers who have graced us with their penmanship rely on one factor when we read their works - the readers imagination. Without this, the canvas is still blank.

The concept of Humbling via the I Ching sounds too... (whats the right bloody word?...43 minutes later...) ...artifical maybe. It reminds me of the stories I read of Tibetan Monks who retire from the world, only to spend their time in solitary peace seeking the answers of the world. Yet it has always struck me that surely the greater challenge would be finding those answers amidst the reality and chaos of the every day world. In my brief experience of life here so far, some of the greates acts of humbling I have witnessed have been a far cry from the wise words we all read about the subject.

My older brother for example, whom I fought with - physically and verbally - whilst growing up, had the amazing ability to approach me after every fight with such a tender heart and loving compassion. All he wanted to do was make sure I was okay. He is not a man who posseses an intellect adorned with wisdom, hes just knows how to throw a good punch! But he had the amazing ability to put my feelings before his, even when he knew I was wrong. For a long time, I didnt see this gift in him, and it really shocked me when I finally did. I was so obssessed with my own mind, I couldnt see his heart. Its ironic in how I thought I was teaching him the wisdom of life in the words I used in our arguments, yet all along he was the teacher in his actions. I've learnt a great deal from him.

I also have Sun conjunct MC HSC Although, I have Jupiter conjunct with them both rather than Venus and Uranus like you. I can understand your need to establish yourself in the outer world, its inherent in my chart too. When I spoke about people living 'outside-in' rather than 'inside-out', I didnt mean to refer to you. I think you give a great deal of time to your own inner world. And there is one truth that the whole -inside-outside- didnt express:- Our identities are created as much from outside interaction as they are from inside.

Its interesting to know about your Uranus-MC-Venus-Sun aspect. It helps me understand what kind of teacher you are in this lifetime. The Uranus aspect gives insight but also sends reverberations, like an earthquake, into the souls who step into the bounds of your seismic aura. The Venus adds love to the mix. It brings about a composition of a teacher who likes to shake people into thinking, using unconventional and complex methods, although the simplicity and purity of love always resides with your erruptions as a lava to wash down the mountainside after the explosion has occurred. And this is where you show humbling in your nature. Humbling is not present when you shake people into thought, its not meant to be. But its present in the aftermath, its nice to see. I especially liked how 26Taurus and yourself have conversed since your arguments. Thats the best example of humbling on this forum, by both of you.

posted April 10, 2009 03:35 AM            

Betelgeuse,

I love everything you said.

And most of it I know too well.

The rest I am in a tizzy to learn.

Thank you for your wisdom.

Its nice to be seen.