posted April 03, 2003 12:15 PM
this is cute, i just got it...The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked
to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some
recent winning entries:
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightie.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
expressions.
14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up
on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
The Post also invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter
it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new
definition. Here are some of those winners:
1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid (e.g.: "I'm a doctor...")
4. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (this one got extra credit).
9. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth
explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Glibido: All talk and no action.
11. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.
Gods, I wonder if my hipatitis is showing?
Love,
Carlo