Author
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Topic: Right Here, Right Now
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TINK Knowflake Posts: 1508 From: New England Registered: Mar 2003
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posted June 17, 2004 09:57 PM
Daf, why pounce on that one word? This experience seems to have done you nothing but harm. Why would you believe that it was up to you whether or not your wife puts her hand to the flame? Why has her reaction to you changed? How have you changed? Please do not become a martyr. We have plenty of those. And by all means do keep that one foot in Heaven, but don't forget to leave the other one here on Earth. Most likely I've misunderstood what you are going thru. If so, I apologize. You know I think you're aces. Not at all Juni. Please feel free to butt in to any of my posts whenever. IP: Logged |
maven Knowflake Posts: 94 From: Rennes-le-Chateau Registered: May 2004
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posted June 18, 2004 05:08 PM
Daf I have not known you long but my Brother..you and I are walking similar roads.If I may share with you a bit I would like to.Perhaps this may help some,even if just for a brief moment. First off let me say you are not alone.Remember when we talked about "us people and people like us"?Everyone I know including the other two I have mentioned...well to be frank we are all in the face of losing our marriages.Two out of the three were seperated (myself included in that lot).This road is hard and slow going and is a definate reltionship killer.My path started the second I was born but really got kicked off the past 2 years.Two years ago my soulmate died of a heroin overdose on my birthday.That's right..my birthday.We hadn't talked in about 7 years and sadly due to his love of drugs we both went separate ways with the hopes of one day working it all out and connecting again.My husband and I have known each other for ten years and been married for 6.We have a lovely 4 year old libra who I simply adore.But there are some days I think fear keeps me here..the fear of hurting him and the world he knows.After my ex died my world got shook upside down.I was endowed with gifts beyond my belief or comprehension.For months I just sat and rocked and cried.After about a year I just cracked..and my marriage fell apart.My husband hated this new path of self discovery I was on and hated the fact I loved someone I couldn't even see...but felt in my heart.Around the same time my dad became terminal and was hospitalized and my sis became pregnant from a one night stand after getting mad at her new fiance.Talk about some stress?SO I had to let something go and it was my marriage.For the second time I moved out and tried to strike it alone.I have to say I loved the experience.Eventually me and my husband reconciled..I do love him..I am just not IN LOVE with him (this may be hard for some people to understand..I am talking about unconditional love not mere infatuation).But it has been hell on me.I feel too restricted but I refuse to give up on this because I don't feel it would be in my or my son's best interest.We have a loving relationship and my husband is my best friend.he is the last person I would want to hurt because he is just so damned wonderful.But he is very religious.He grew up in a church household and stands fast to his convictions.I did too (my grandfather was a methodist preacher so I had no choice really),but eventually I found my own way.I thought for awhile my husband and I were on the same path and life could not have been better.But the more he learned the more afraid he became about his "world" being based on "lies".So he shut down.Totally.He still hasn't opened up but he has told me he wants to remain ignorant.He wants a good christian wife and sadly I have outgrown that mold.I cannot be something I am not.I have no idea what will happen here.I try to take one day at a time and let my course be guided by wise choices and for the benefit of our son.We don't discuss everything that I love and makes me tick.And that hurts alot but it is a neccessary evil (like religion itself) to keeo my marriage afloat.I know he worries and I do too...I never know if I will be here tomorrow or will he.But baby steps is all I can tell you.We are all struggling right now and sadly many spouses will never understand the grief we go through walking this road.We can show them the doorway but can't make them walk through it no matter how hard we want them to.I don't think they are meant to understand and that is the phrase I hear the most.They are not meant to understand for each has his/her own path and destiny to discover for himself/herself.Countless blessings and prayers I am sending your way.I hope you recieve clarity soon my friend.I walk this road with you..I just tire easier somedays.Many Blessings to you Daf.With much love and affection for you and yours........maven------------------ "I am an enigma,wrapped up in a mystery,shrouded by lies" IP: Logged |
maven Knowflake Posts: 94 From: Rennes-le-Chateau Registered: May 2004
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posted June 18, 2004 05:08 PM
Daf I have not known you long but my Brother..you and I are walking similar roads.If I may share with you a bit I would like to.Perhaps this may help some,even if just for a brief moment. First off let me say you are not alone.Remember when we talked about "us people and people like us"?Everyone I know including the other two I have mentioned...well to be frank we are all in the face of losing our marriages.Two out of the three were seperated (myself included in that lot).This road is hard and slow going and is a definate reltionship killer.My path started the second I was born but really got kicked off the past 2 years.Two years ago my soulmate died of a heroin overdose on my birthday.That's right..my birthday.We hadn't talked in about 7 years and sadly due to his love of drugs we both went separate ways with the hopes of one day working it all out and connecting again.My husband and I have known each other for ten years and been married for 6.We have a lovely 4 year old libra who I simply adore.But there are some days I think fear keeps me here..the fear of hurting him and the world he knows.After my ex died my world got shook upside down.I was endowed with gifts beyond my belief or comprehension.For months I just sat and rocked and cried.After about a year I just cracked..and my marriage fell apart.My husband hated this new path of self discovery I was on and hated the fact I loved someone I couldn't even see...but felt in my heart.Around the same time my dad became terminal and was hospitalized and my sis became pregnant from a one night stand after getting mad at her new fiance.Talk about some stress?SO I had to let something go and it was my marriage.For the second time I moved out and tried to strike it alone.I have to say I loved the experience.Eventually me and my husband reconciled..I do love him..I am just not IN LOVE with him (this may be hard for some people to understand..I am talking about unconditional love not mere infatuation).But it has been hell on me.I feel too restricted but I refuse to give up on this because I don't feel it would be in my or my son's best interest.We have a loving relationship and my husband is my best friend.he is the last person I would want to hurt because he is just so damned wonderful.But he is very religious.He grew up in a church household and stands fast to his convictions.I did too (my grandfather was a methodist preacher so I had no choice really),but eventually I found my own way.I thought for awhile my husband and I were on the same path and life could not have been better.But the more he learned the more afraid he became about his "world" being based on "lies".So he shut down.Totally.He still hasn't opened up but he has told me he wants to remain ignorant.He wants a good christian wife and sadly I have outgrown that mold.I cannot be something I am not.I have no idea what will happen here.I try to take one day at a time and let my course be guided by wise choices and for the benefit of our son.We don't discuss everything that I love and makes me tick.And that hurts alot but it is a neccessary evil (like religion itself) to keeo my marriage afloat.I know he worries and I do too...I never know if I will be here tomorrow or will he.But baby steps is all I can tell you.We are all struggling right now and sadly many spouses will never understand the grief we go through walking this road.We can show them the doorway but can't make them walk through it no matter how hard we want them to.I don't think they are meant to understand and that is the phrase I hear the most.They are not meant to understand for each has his/her own path and destiny to discover for himself/herself.Countless blessings and prayers I am sending your way.I hope you recieve clarity soon my friend.I walk this road with you..I just tire easier somedays.Many Blessings to you Daf.With much love and affection for you and yours........maven------------------ "I am an enigma,wrapped up in a mystery,shrouded by lies" IP: Logged |
maven Knowflake Posts: 94 From: Rennes-le-Chateau Registered: May 2004
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posted June 18, 2004 05:41 PM
Daf I wrote a very very long thread here but it appears to have not shown up.To save time I will not post it again in case it reincarnates after I log off.However..please IM me the next time you are on.I have a story to share with you..one you can not only relate to..but it may help ease your worries a bit.Many Blessings and much love to you Brother....maven------------------ "I am an enigma,wrapped up in a mystery,shrouded by lies" IP: Logged |
juniperb Knowflake Posts: 5609 From: Big Dipper Registered: Mar 2002
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posted June 18, 2004 05:46 PM
It`s here maven, twice Hit your refresh if you can`t see your post & usually it pops up!------------------ If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~James Herriot IP: Logged |
dafremen Knowflake Posts: 1059 From: Registered: Nov 2002
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posted June 19, 2004 07:00 PM
What seems strange to me about the direction this entire thread has taken is that folks got the idea that I have somehow taken it as my responsibility to show my wife the way; nothing could be farther from the truth. If you were to read what was posted, you would read this:"I cannot return to what we had, what we knew, without sticking your hand in the flame, and I love you too much to do that to you." In other words, I would NOT subject my beloved to the loneliness of this Path in order to lessen the loneliness of my own. Yes, it would be nice to be back where we were, as close as we were, but it isn't happening and it's really never been my place to guide ANYONE'S direction along their Path. I cannot convince ANYONE of ANYTHING, I can only plant the seeds, the Gardener will decided which will grow, when and where. I'm content with that, saddened by the distance this experience has created between my wife and myself, and yet...who am I to say that such is a bad thing? If you had read the words, most of this miscommunication could have been avoided. It seems that you were too busy trying to find a messianic complex somewhere in my words and I'm afraid that nothing is more antithetical to my belief and my Path. Let the Messiah be the Messiah, let the teachers be teachers, let the sages be incomparably wise. I'm just daf and feel blessed to be what I am. daf P.S. Juni, again, my apologies for the mixup. Maven, I look forward to talking with you again. It was a very soothing experience for my restlessness to spend some time comparing notes. IP: Logged |
TINK Knowflake Posts: 1508 From: New England Registered: Mar 2003
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posted June 19, 2004 07:39 PM
Daf, I read your words. And quite carefully too. I apologize again if I misunderstood your unusual predicament. I assure you it was not for lack of trying.I hope things work out for you and I trust you won't mind if I continue to read your posts. tink IP: Logged |
dafremen Knowflake Posts: 1059 From: Registered: Nov 2002
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posted June 19, 2004 09:30 PM
You're always welcome to read and comment...in fact it's been a source of pleasure and pride for me that you do.Love, daf IP: Logged |
juniperb Knowflake Posts: 5609 From: Big Dipper Registered: Mar 2002
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posted June 20, 2004 08:29 AM
I`m throwing this adage out here because It`s a message I hear everytime I think of this thread. It`s not my adage but hopefully, one that may make sense to someone. If you cut the dogs head off, it can`t wag it`s tail. ------------------ If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~James Herriot IP: Logged |
dafremen Knowflake Posts: 1059 From: Registered: Nov 2002
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posted June 20, 2004 02:36 PM
Neither can it bite you.daf IP: Logged |
juniperb Knowflake Posts: 5609 From: Big Dipper Registered: Mar 2002
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posted June 20, 2004 03:09 PM
Do you understand it tho Daf cuz I don`t I don`t believe I`ve ever heard the saying before. As a practicing Spiritualist and w/experience, I`ve learned if I don`t put the message out, it does a square dance in my mind. juniperb ------------------ If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~James Herriot IP: Logged |
dafremen Knowflake Posts: 1059 From: Registered: Nov 2002
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posted June 21, 2004 10:20 AM
If you burn the bridge completely, then when they are ready, how will they ever cross it?Howz that? daf IP: Logged |
imajre Knowflake Posts: 136 From: new zealand Registered: Apr 2002
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posted June 23, 2004 11:10 AM
Dear Juniperb, THE ADAGE ‘if you cut the dog's head off, it can’t wag its tail’ has all five vowels, so no wonder it is square- dancing in your mind, so how about this? “A HEADLESS DOG CAN’T WAG ITS TAIL”
aaaaa h ee dd LL sss o gg c n ttt ii w NOTED THESE HINTS TO GO ON WITH – LIGHTING THE SENSES – IN CASE THEE DON’T SEE IT. IT IS ON HOW TO GET TO THE ESSENCE. THIS HAS A TALE TO TELL. IT HAS AN OLD LOG IN ITS INSIDE. IT HAS WELDED IN GOLD HIDDEN DATA. DO THEE SEE THE GOLDEN GATE. THE ESSENTIAL LIGHT IS TIED IN GENESIS. THE DESIGN ESSENCE IS ALSO IN THE EGG AND AS TO THE END - IT GOES ON AND ON. DO THEE SEE THAT THIS IS SO? NO END, ALL IS GOING ON AND ON AS IT HAS DONE. SO HEED THE HEAT WITHIN THESE WELLS, AND THE GHOSTS SWILLING, THE EGOTISTICAL GOD IDEAS INTO THE GODDESSES’ IDEALS. GO AHEAD WITH THE GOALS SET. WITH CHINS AND DIGITS WAGGING THE HEAD WILL HAGGLE AND HOWL, TILL SHOWN HOW, WHAT LIES LIE WITHIN. AN OLD GOD CAN’T WAG THIS TALE. AS THE GOLDEN GODDESS HAS WILLED IT, THE HIDDEN AGENDA SHIELDED, AND OATHS ASIDE, SHE HAS ALLOWED THE TINIES CLAN TO STILL TEASE WITH INCIDENTALS, TESTING, TESTING, AS WE AWAIT THE DAWN, WHEN THE HIDDEN SHALL HIT THE LIGHT AND ASTONISH ALL! AND WHAT IT CONSISTS WILL SHOW WHO, WHAT, WHEN AND HOW WE ALL . . . NOT NOW THO’ THAT’S A DNA TALE. DECIDE NOW TO DO IT ALSO - (Lexigramming words and sentences) - DECIDING NOW, NOT WHEN, SO THE NOW HAS INDEED WON. THE IDEAL TONIC IS TO SCAN IT IT’S AN ADDITIONAL TEACHING AID. AND EACH LESSON LIGHTENS THE DANCE. EACH IS A LOADED SIGN IN ITS LOCATION IT DOES NOT NEED TALENT TO SEE, THAT WITHIN ‘GENEALOGICAL DATA’ AN OLD LOG AND A GENETIC CODE. DID AN ALIEN GOD CLONE A GENE, IN AN EGG? A CLAN LOGGED A DATE ON A GOLDEN CONE. WHAT’S THIS?? IN WHAT EON WAS THIS DONE?? INSIDE IT STATES THAT IT IS NOT A LIE. OH HELL! IT IS LOGICAL. THIS CELESTIAL CONTEST HAS LASTED SO LONG NOW, THAT ITS CODES WILL ALIGN, ASSIGN, AND ASSIST THESE TALENTS IN ALL WHO WANT TO SWING TO THE WIDEST ANGLES AND TO SELECT SCENES IN THE LINES THAT INDEED SING THE SONG IN ITS WILDEST SENSES. SO GO DO THE ESSENTIAL LESSONS. GO INTO THE GENESIS CODES, HIDING IN CLEAN SIGHT IN THE SHALLOWS. THE INSIGHTS WILL DELIGHT ALL. GO NOW AND SEE WHAT IS SAID. WHO IS CALLING? AND WHAT IS HIDDEN IN THE SHADOWS? DO THEE NOT SEE WHAT LIES IN EACH HEADLINE? DEALING IN WHOLESALE GLOSS A LOT IS LOST. THE TALES STATED IN THE NEWS, DO NOT HOLD THE COINS’ TWIN SIDE ALSO. EACH SAGE AT A GLANCE CAN TELL WHAT TITTLE TATTLE IS A LIE AND WHAT IS NOT! AND SETTLING IN, AS A WHOLE ENTICING STATISTIC, IS AGE. CHEAT THAT AND SEE THE CHILD WITHIN THEE AGAIN. SO WHAT LIES CAN WE DECODE IN THESE LITANIES? HOW DO WE DO IT? THE EASIEST ACTION IS TO HEED LINDA, SINCE SHE HAS AN ALLEGIANCE TO ISIS AND WITH AN INSIDE LEAD SHE HAS INSIGHTS ON THE NIGHT LIGHTS AS WELL. SHE GLEANED THAT THESE CODES HAD A DESIGN TO EACH ONE. SHE HAS SHOWN THAT WITHIN EACH SECTION, AS DESIGNATED, IS AN ADDITIONAL TALE TO TELL. AND WE CAN ALL SEE IT SHINE IN LINDA’S CANTOS. SO WE SHALL ALSO. SEE, ATTACHED TO EACH SINGLE NOTE, A TONE IT CAN AND IS ALSO TO ADD TO. (E.g. THE OLD DELTA, ETA, THETA, IOTA, CHI) IN ADDITION IT IS ASSIGNED A TITLE WITH ITS OWN WHOLE DESIGN, (name) SO THAT IT HAS ENCASED WITHIN ITS TINIEST TOTAL THE GIST, A LASTING TALE, LONG IN LENGTH, THAT IT DID INDEED NEED TO SHOW AND TELL EONS ON. ENGLISH ISLANDS’ LINGO HELD THE DEEDS AND LINDA HAD THE TALENT TO SEE. SHE HAD LATCHED ON TO THE NEWEST CODE THE ANGELS HAD SEEDED. AND ATTACHING IT TO THE OLD ONES SHE SAW ENGLAND’S HIDDEN WEALTH! AS INDEED WE ALL CAN NOW. WE ALL OWN THESE LATENT TALENTS HIDDEN INSIDE. INDEED WE DO! ALL IS NOT LOST. SEE AND LISTEN TO THE OLD 'STONE' AGE TALES IN ACTION. THE OLDEST IS STILL NESTLED, COLD SEALED, AWAITING THE SHOW DOWN . . . THAT DECISION CHISELED LONG AGO ON GOLD HAS ECHOED THESE LAWS DOWN THE AGES. ITS AGENTS DECIDED TO DO THIS. THIS DATA IS SO WELL HIDDEN, THAT NO SON CAN DISSECT IT AND NO IDIOT CAN DISENGAGE THE DETAILS IN A HATE CONTEST - AS IN HOSTILE CLASHES AND CLANGS WITH CHAIN GANG ACTIONS AS IT WAS IN ANCIENT EONS WITH GODS CLASHING WILLS, WISHING TO WAGE HOT AND COLD WITH STEEL! THOSE OLDEN WILIEST WISE ANGELS, IN THE DISTANCE, AND STILL ON THE WINGS – (are) WAITING TILL A SATANICAL GENE HAS GONE, THAT AN ALIEN CLOWN HAD CAST IN HASTE ON AN ALLOCATED GOWNED GENETICIST WITH CLOTTED DISTASTE THAT NEEDS SHEDDING. SO LET’S GET ON WITH IT, TO WHEN HATE IS HALTED AND ITS STING IS DEAD - TWISTED TO DEATH, AND GONE WITH THE WIND IN A SIGH. . EACH ONE HAS A SEASONAL CHANGE AS GOD AND GODDESS AND HAS SIGNED INTO A SOLID CHASSIS, CLOTHED WITH SENSES, AND ITS NEEDS TO NOW, AND IT NEEDS TO (k) NOW (why). SO LISTEN TO THE TONES AND NOTICE WHAT IS HITTING AND HINTING INSIDE. IT IS IN ESSENCE, ESSENTIAL TO GET INTO THE LIGHTEST NOTE. WE CAN ALL WILL IT, AS WE WANT IT, CAN’T WE! SO WILL THEE, WON’T THEE, DANCE IN Love and light imajre
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maven Knowflake Posts: 94 From: Rennes-le-Chateau Registered: May 2004
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posted June 23, 2004 12:10 PM
I did refresh Juni but this post idd not show up until the next morning on my computer.Weird.And it posted twice.Weirder.Anyhow....it was good talking to you Daf.I know you get frustrated..I do everyday.And I would not wish my husband walk this with me..some days it is more torture than I care to bear.Everyone's load is different and we all walk different ways but we are all walking regardless.And once you walk through that portal there is no turning back although some days I long to.I wish it were more simple..something easier for my small mind to grasp.I question why this had to happen at me and yet I take peace in the fact that it did...knowing everything is on course although I may not see it at the time being.I did more olive tree research and am posting the results on my board for you to read.The thing that reappears for me so often is my birthday.....4-16.I see those numbers everwhere and it is a painful reminder of how much I have lost and yet gained in that single fateful day.Whenever I question my life or the choices made and avenues taken that number will always appear to me..anywhere,everywhere.I also see Romans 6:23 often (something of personal signifigance) and I am truly amazed how fragile we really are.Many Blessings to you..I do look foward to talking soon..there is much yet to discuss.Blessings.....maven------------------ "I am an enigma,wrapped up in a mystery,shrouded by lies" IP: Logged |
maven Knowflake Posts: 94 From: Rennes-le-Chateau Registered: May 2004
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posted June 23, 2004 12:14 PM
Btw...you said the total numerical value of your birthday was a nine did you not?Mine is a seven. Blessings......me ------------------ "I am an enigma,wrapped up in a mystery,shrouded by lies" IP: Logged |
Randall Webmaster Posts: 21299 From: Columbus, GA USA Registered: Nov 2000
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posted June 24, 2004 03:32 PM
How do you do those, Imajre? ------------------ "Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
juniperb Knowflake Posts: 5609 From: Big Dipper Registered: Mar 2002
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posted June 24, 2004 07:17 PM
imajre, oh how wonderful . It is spinning in my head and I am almost overwhelmed with the gifts you shared. I will save thoughts on it until I read and reread every word again. Thank you juniperb ------------------ If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~James Herriot IP: Logged | |