posted January 17, 2007 08:23 AM         

The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight
you have gained.

3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a
flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up
after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation
with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The
belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets
stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer
shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked
readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that
stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic
wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you
are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got
extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off
all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth
explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the
day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to
seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed
just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that
gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half
a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an
******* .

posted March 05, 2007 08:14 AM         

I remember reading this before and I can't believe I didn't post! I love these, they are so funny. I especially love Arachnoleptic as I've been known to perform it myself many times.
I'm going to have to send these to some friends. Thanks, Bluemoon.